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I have been through a lot myself in life and I can tell you right now, your Mom and Dad should not be together, but a counselor would help them to figure that out.
I think one of the key problems here is your dads alcohol and pill abuse. In my opinion, nothing will be resolved unless your dad accepts he has a problem and gets some help.
Unless your mother and father can get over their past issues, this getting back together thing will not work and will actually be worse the second time around.
Over the years when I had no idea on how to solve a crisis I found awesome advise by calling a 24 hour crisis hotline the folks who run these are very helpful you can vent to them anytime day or night and if need be they can refer you to a professional...hang in there and give this a try. Disfunctional family issues are the worse, please dont carry your burden alone...
I do hope things get better for you and yours.
If you are old enough to work, get on that, start saving as much as you can to get the hell away from the situation. Your parents situation is not your fault period, if they can't be adults about situations than you must be.
Angel, which city do you live in?
Originally posted by smyleegrl
First of all, you are NOT responsible for your parent's actions. You are responsible for your actions, and that is all.
Your parents sound like self-indulgent children, to be honest. You shouldn't be in the situation of acting like the grown-up, but you are. So we'll roll with that.
First thing you need to do. Print out what you just wrote and give it to each parent. Let them read it. They need to know how their behavior is impacting you. Right now it sounds like they are so caught up in their own drama that they haven't thought about what its doing to their children.
When you give them the letter, you need to be ready to tell them what you want to happen. I don't mean with their relationship, that's out of your control. But you can say:
"Mom, Dad, I feel very upset when I hear you fight all the time. From now on, if you are going to argue, please do it in another room where we can't hear you."
I'm not going to pretend that doing this will be easy. In fact, its going to be damn hard and there's no telling what reaction you may get. Be prepared for more tears and judgement, but understand its not really directed at you so much as it is the situation.
Are you still in school? If so....go talk to your guidance counselor or your teacher. Let them know how you are feeling, they have resources to help you emotionally get through this.
When you feel overwhelmed, like you can't take it anymore, LEAVE. Even if you can only go to another room, or outside....do so. Then breathe. Take a slow breath in to the count of five, hold it, then let it out to the count of 8. Its important that your outbreath is longer than your inbreath. Do this for several minutes, it will help calm you down.
You need an outlet for your emotions and feelings. This can be writing, exercise, beating the hell out of your pillow, but you need something to get it out. Find what works for you, then do it. Everyday. You've got to get the anger and hurt out before you can begin to feel better. Think of it like lancing a wound...get the nasty stuff out so the wound can heal.
The road ahead of you is difficult, I won't pretend otherwise. But its time to be selfish and put yourself first. After all, you are the only person you can control.
Best of luck to you. Keep us informed, and please please please feel free to message me if you need to talk.
Originally posted by Luckyxfactor
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX
Thanks, that's all I needed. I'm going to speak with my guides and send you positive energy.
Originally posted by XxNightAngelusxX
To everyone;
Over the years when I had no idea on how to solve a crisis I found awesome advise by calling a 24 hour crisis hotline the folks who run these are very helpful you can vent to them anytime day or night and if need be they can refer you to a professional...hang in there and give this a try. Disfunctional family issues are the worse, please dont carry your burden alone...
I'm afraid they might recommend medication... that's all anyone did when I was a kid. We have enough pills in the house...
I do hope things get better for you and yours.
Thanks... its not that I'm not trying to sleep. I lay there for hours and I just can't stop thinking, because things just don't get resolved. I do walk regularly, though, and it helps. The only other thing that helps is having my siblings and cousins around and taking them to the park. The kids get my mind off things for a little bit.
If you are old enough to work, get on that, start saving as much as you can to get the hell away from the situation. Your parents situation is not your fault period, if they can't be adults about situations than you must be.
I'm 19, I'm finishing school a year late because I spent the previous year in an apartment with my fiance and some room mates struggling to support the place. But we got kicked out of that place, and I'm crashing at my mamaw's for the time being, and I decided to graduate while I was in the same town as my old school. All my time is going to school work. I'm actually working on school work right now, I have a rediculous amount of school to finish in the next couple weeks. I can do it, but its taking all my time and effort. I plan to start working again once I have my diploma.
I plan on moving to Texas in about a year's time, but I want my mom and dad to be happy. Its not something I'm gonna be able to move away and forget about.
Angel, which city do you live in?
Oak Ridge, at the moment. I'm sort of living in limbo until my fiance and I can get another place to live.
That's a weird question...
Originally posted by XxNightAngelusxX
reply to post by benrl
Thank you so much for your caring feedback, but I mean this in the least insensitive or immature way possible. I honestly don't care about myself.
I personally believe I am beyond repair, for a lot of reasons I don't care to post.
But the fact that my mother and father are still naive enough to try trusting one another again after so many years of hell tells me that they're less damaged than I am, because I'm incapable of trust past a certain extent. Its good that they're child-like. That makes them easier to save.
And I don't want my brother and sister feeling the way I do when they're older. I'm probrably the worst role model they could have, because my motto is "I don't care." My sister mimicks literally EVERYTHING about me. Its annoying. And it worries me. I don't want her to be anything like me. That's why I'm HOPING mom and dad with get their heads out of their asses, and step up and be the role models instead of me being landed in that position.
Originally posted by benrl
Again that's all part of the damage they have already cause, your 19, you have no idea what the future holds. If you don't care about yourself that's even better, than there's no ego to get in the way, if your already a lost cause than what harm is there I trying to seek help, worst case your in the same boat, best case you get better.
You have no hope of helping the situation for your siblings unless you get to a better place.