The Most Ridiculous Quotes in the Bible

Originally posted by douggie60

Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by borntowatch

 

Thanks!

Heres another one...

Ever hear a snake talk?

You ever watched the movie Jungle Book, ?

Yup!

The funny thing is... The jungle book is more believable then the story of adam & eve

The ridiculous thing is people who cannot put themselves in place of the people who believed and wrote down what they believed during the bible days.Mainly atheist who just bash the bible all day.
Cherry pick stuff in the bible that is violence when Jesus himself was killed violently.Then they use the old testament violence scripture that tells you to kill but refuse to use "Thou Shalt not murder." scripture.Not even worth the debate anymore with these goons.
They call themselves skeptics and are not the least bit honest.Being dishonest skeptics is not being skeptics at all,it is being ignorant.

The old testament has so many .... how can we list them all??

The silliest one to me ... that the earth and the heavens were made in 6 days and that God 'rested' on the 7th. For God to need to 'rest' ... that makes Him not much of a god. Sure .. more powerful than we are ... but if He needs to rest then He isn't what everyone is making Him out to be.

Deut. 25:11 When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy.


In 2 Samuel 24:1 it says " Once again the anger of the Lord burned against Israel, and he caused David to harm them by taking a census. “Go and count the people of Israel and Judah,” the Lord told him

then 2 Samuel 24:10 " 10 But after he had taken the census, David’s conscience began to bother him. And he said to the Lord, “I have sinned greatly by taking this census. Please forgive my guilt, Lord, for doing this foolish thing.”
Why was this a sin against God when God told him to do it?
2 Samuel 24:15 70,000 people died from a plague from god...

God killed 70,000 for king David's mistake. Nice god

reply to post by jiggerj


On the 6th day, YHVH created mankind proper, male and female (Gen. 1:26-27). He rested on the 7th, and on the 8th day Adam, a specific person, was created (Gen. 2:7 and on) "to till the soil".

It's all a buncha hooey, but at least know yer hooey well!

Ezekiel 23:19
Yet she increased her whorings, remembering the days of her youth, when she played the whore in the land of Egypt (20)and lusted after her paramours there, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose emission was like that of stallions.

reply to post by FlyersFan

The silliest one to me ... that the earth and the heavens were made in 6 days and that God 'rested' on the 7th. For God to need to 'rest' ... that makes Him not much of a god. Sure .. more powerful than we are ... but if He needs to rest then He isn't what everyone is making Him out to be.

I'm not chiming in to debate anyone since it is rather obvious that those who disdain Christianity wouldn't be convinced of its validity if God himself was to arrive in their homes and state it to them plainly. However, your remark is a bit off target.

Nowhere in the Bible does it state that God needed a rest; it simply states that He rested. You do not necessarily have to be exhausted or tired to take a rest from your work.
There are plenty of other "silly" quotes from the Bible that are taken out of context, but quite frankly, it would be a waste of time and energy to get into it with everyone.

Okay, that's all I felt like adding. Have fun bashing the faith of others!

i think it would be interesting to read the first bible ever written if it even exsists anymore, and see how its changed over the years, thanks for posting good read.

reply to post by mrperplexed



The first two are from the old testament which is full of ridiculous quotes. Jesus came to clear this for us. The third quote is not meant literally but figuratively. I don't expect a new car if I ask Jesus for.

A true christian doesn't ask for "things" or stuff like that. They ask for the strength to endure whatever life offers in a way that reflects good and not evil.

I appreciate how you think all three quotes are ridiculous and hope you can appreciate my standpoint as well.

Bottom line is that we all should just love good and have evil and lies.

Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by mrperplexed

 

How about Jonah being stuck in the belly of a "fish" for three days...

That's about as ridiculous as it gets...

Thats not meant to be taken literally

Originally posted by Akragon

Originally posted by mrperplexed

Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by mrperplexed

 

How about Jonah being stuck in the belly of a "fish" for three days...

That's about as ridiculous as it gets...

Akragon, post the actual text so theists have a chance to defend the actual scripture.

I don't see the point.... its not possible to live in a fish.... its just a story...

But here you go...

17 Now the Lord had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.

I have always been intriguied by this story.. especially since it mentions a "Great Fish" and doing a little research you come across Dogon tribe dickinsg.intrasun.tcnj.edu... while striking a similar namesake to that of Dagon, the great fish

David Icke has the whole fish story about how it was all pagan and now the pope hasa fish hat.

Certain things in humanity are just common, like using nature as a way to symbolize some quality you think is good.

Some think it is all an evil plan made by the reptilians. This to me is more insane the bible.

Genesis 6;13 (New Living Translation)
So God said to Noah, "I have decided to destroy all living creatures, for they have filled the earth with violence. Yes, I will wipe them all out along with the earth! - the irony of a violent justice from a very violent God

Kings 7:23
And he made a molten sea, ten cubits from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, and his height was five cubits: and a line of thirty cubits did compass it round about. - Still a favorite. So when I see the people who live by the exact word of the bible, then I expect to see the wheels of their car fall off

I fail to see the ridicule. These are social laws of the time when they were written. There is some sort of karmic science behind the laws too, so that though while it is not practiced physically, the spirituality of it remains. To put up these verses as a point to argue, it's not working. Nice try.

Originally posted by borracho
Ezekiel 23:19
Yet she increased her whorings, remembering the days of her youth, when she played the whore in the land of Egypt (20)and lusted after her paramours there, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose emission was like that of stallions.

NOSAH!

OMG, I just googled it. It's in the bible!

reply to post by mrperplexed


The scripture would be different depending on what version of the bible you use. The Catholic bible is different from the King James version and the version that the Jahovas witnesses use is different again. In wording anyway. Interpretation is personal.

for one of no faith little can be said or done to convince them otherwise

for one of faith little can be said or done to convince them otherwise

it has been my experience to have seen more opinions change regarding the former than the latter

I would just like to suggest that this thread is no different to threads that suggest you should fear God. I actually think its healthy to have a bit of a laugh at this stuff, so long as there is no malice or ill intent what is wrong with that? We all have our own reality which we live in and we all have our own beliefs, loves and joys. If we were all the same and believed all the same stuff it would just be boring. Its only an issue when people get so involved in something that they hurt others out of some ill conceived sense of duty.

I laugh at myself all the time but I don't take it personally )

reply to post by mrperplexed


This is why people need to stop being so narrow-minded and look into the Ancient Alien theory. You can open up The Bible to just about any random page and make sense of it if you read it from that perspective.

Originally posted by AntiNWO
reply to post by mrperplexed

 

This is why people need to stop being so narrow-minded and look into the Ancient Alien theory. You can open up The Bible to just about any random page and make sense of it if you read it from that perspective.

I'm totally down with this post. I am not a Christian, and I certainly do not believe in a "One and Only Almighty God", but I also don't believe that the words used in the Bible should be taken literally. After all, people in that day and age had to work with what they knew. The fish in the story of Jonah could have certainly been an alien spacecraft, as could the ark in the story of Noah. And the chariots of fire sound like UFOs to me. This is something that I have always believed to be very probable.