Feeling evil

reply to post by Duckling


Maybe it's because you are evil..... like me.... anti-evil evil... and you are still a caterpillar just starting to cocoon...

But soon you will emerge and wreak havoc on evil with your evil ways ; )

You know like fighting fire with fire.

Keep your chin up buttercup... that evil glare comes in handy sometimes

reply to post by Duckling


Relax, Duckling. You just perfectly described the natural flow of thoughts within all humans. I would never kill anyone, but I have often wished for someone to drop dead. I would never take another man's wife to bed, but oh my my, I have sooo thought about it.

I have imagined myself as an all-powerful god and killed all terrorists. I have ripped up all nuclear weapons and nuclear plants and threw them out into deep space. I then admonished all of mankind for being far from responsible enough for such hazardous practices. I have taken control of cars being driven by people talking on the cell phone or text messaging and slammed those cars into poles and guard rails.

I have dropped meteors on cars that wake me up at 3 in the morning with their radios blaring. I have made the arrogant humble, sent the rich into abject poverty... I have had some really sick thoughts, but that's all they are - fleeting human thoughts. Don't let them get to you.

If you feel something when someone cries, if your heart aches at the images of helpless children that are starving to death, and if you sometimes wish you could take away all of the pains of the world - then THIS is what you are. And, what you are is human.

. Do you feel empathy for other people when you see them suffer, people on the news, starving children? If you feel no empathy you could be a psychopath.

However all is not lost, so don't panic, most psychopaths are not murderers, only a minority do that stuff..in fact most of the murderers in society are actually normal minded people, so what does that tell you. But if you have no empathy for people, you need to work on that. If you feel "evil" inside, I think its probably a case that you have never gone out of your way to do good. maybe the evil feeling isn't evil at all, just a feeling of empty.

try an experiment, see if it helps. Do something good for someone. Something that requires a little sacrifice on your behalf. This can be giving something you value to someone who needs it, like your time or your money. Try it and then you may be surprised to find your not feeling so evil anymore. Our society encourages selfishness, big time, and if you were brought up like this, your gonna feel empty. Like i say try doing something good for someone else.

Buddha and Jesus, weather you believe in them or not..they both encouraged people to be charitable and compassionate, it's something everyone needs to cultivate, just like looking after a plant, you need to keep watering it and caring for it or it will wither. that's how it is with compassion, be good and you will feel good.

Join the club OP. Lots of evil people out there. Yin and Yang. There is evil in everyone, including myself. Everyone possesses varying degrees of evil.

reply to post by Duckling
Its awesome that you are so clearly aware of this in you. This book I am studying says that this belief is all that holds us from union with god.
With most people it is buried way, way down deep. They are in denial that they truly think this way and blame this feeling on someone else, anyone else. Called disassociation or projection. Work with your awareness of that feeling, you are way ahead of most of us.

reply to post by Duckling


Yeah you sound a lot like me.

Don't worry about everyone else. We need to awaken.

No you are not evil. But religion has desicrated the sacred knowledge of prophecy.

All the sinners. The 7 deadly sins.

All that nasty stuff greedy jelousy injustice gluttany ignorance all that stuff.

You might enjoy these songs. Im thinking you will.

Il see you around.

CS-



this picture is related to the song.


www.sacred-texts.com...

----------------------------------------
The Fifth Dynasty lasted for about a century and a quarter. It began with Userkaf, the first babe mentioned in the Dedi folk tale, and he was succeeded in turn by the other two, who were not, however, his brothers. The ninth and last king of the Dynasty was Unas. In the so-called "Pyramid Texts", in his own tomb and that of Teta, the first king of the Sixth Dynasty, the monarch was deified as a star god, and has been identified with the constellation of Orion. The conception is a remarkable one. It smacks of absolute savagery, and we seem to be confronted with a symbolic revival of pre-Dynastic cannibalistic rites which are suggested, according to Maspero, by the gnawed and disconnected bones found in certain early graves. At the original Sed festival the tribal king, as Professor Petrie suggests, appears to have been sacrificed and devoured, so that his people might derive from his flesh and blood the power and virtues which made him great. The

p. 168

practice was based on belief in contagious magic. Bulls and boars were eaten to give men strength and courage, deer to give fleetness of foot, and serpents to give cunning. The blood of wounded warriors was drunk so that their skill and bravery might be imparted to the drinkers. 1 King Unas similarly feasts after death on "the spirits" known at Heliopolis as "the fathers and the mothers", and on the bodies of men and gods. He swallows their spirits, souls, and names, which are contained in their hearts, livers, and entrails, and consequently becomes great and all-powerful. 2 The resemblance to the man-eating giants of Europe is very striking.

The rendering which follows of the remarkable Unas hymn is fairly close. It is cast in metrical form with endeavour to reproduce the spirit of the original.

ORION 3 IN EGYPT

Now heaven rains, and trembles every star
With terror; bowmen scamper to escape;
And quakes old Aker, lion of the earth,
While all his worshippers betake to flight,
For Unas rises and in heaven appears
Like to a god who lived upon his sires
And on his mothers fed.

p. 169

Unas the lord
Of wisdom is; the secret of his Name
Not e'en his mother knows. . . . His rank is high
In heaven above; his power is like to Tum's,
His sire divine. . . . Greater than Tum is he.

His shadowy doubles follow him behind
As he comes forth. The uræus on his brow
Uprears; the royal serpent guides him on;
He sees his Ba 1 a flame of living fire.

The strength of Unas shields him. . . He is now
The Bull of Heaven, doing as he wills,
Feeding on what gives life unto the gods--
Their food he eats who would their bellies fill
With words of power from the pools of flame.

Against the spirits shielded by his might,
Unas arises now to take his meal--
Men he devours; he feasts upon the gods
This lord who reckons offerings: he who makes
Each one to bow his forehead, bending low.

Amkenhuu is snarer; Herthertu
Hath bound them well; and Khonsu killer is
Who cuts the throats and tears the entrails out--
'Twas he whom Unas sent to drive them in . . .
Divided by Shesemu, now behold
The portions cooking in the fiery pots.

Unas is feasting on their secret Names;
Unas devours their spirits and their souls--
At morn he eats the largest, and at eve
The ones of middle girth, the small at night:
Old bodies are the faggots for his fire.

Lo! mighty Unas makes the flames to leap
With thighs of agèd ones, and into pots
Are legs of women flung that he may feast.

p. 170

Unas, the Power, is the Power of Powers!
Unas, the mighty god, is god of gods!
Voraciously he feeds on what he finds,
And he is given protection more assured
Than all the mummies 'neath the western sky.

Unas is now the eldest over all--
Thousands he ate and hundreds he did burn;
He rules o'er Paradise. . . .Among the gods
His soul is rising up in highest heaven--
The Crown is he as the horizon lord.

He reckoned livers as he reckoned knots;
The hearts of gods he ate and they are his;
He swallowed up the White Crown and the Red,
And fat of entrails gulped; the secret Names
Are in his belly and he prospers well--
Lo! he devoured the mind of every god,
And so shall live for ever and endure
Eternally, to do as he desires.

The souls of gods are now in his great soul;
Their spirits in his spirit; he obtains
Food in abundance greater than the gods--
His fire has seized their bones, and lo! their souls
Are Unas's; their shades are with their forms.

Unas ascends. . . . Unas ascends with these--
Unas is hidden, is hidden 1 . . . . An One
For him hath ploughed . . . . The seat of every heart Is
Unas's among all living men.

-------------------------------------------------------

related? Enjoy.



www.pantheon.org...

Ragnarok

Ragnarok ("Doom of the Gods"), also called Gotterdammerung, means the end of the cosmos in Norse mythology. It will be preceded by Fimbulvetr, the winter of winters. Three such winters will follow each other with no summers in between. Conflicts and feuds will break out, even between families, and all morality will disappear. This is the beginning of the end.

The wolf Skoll will finally devour the sun, and his brother Hati will eat the moon, plunging the earth [into] darkness. The stars will vanish from the sky. The cock Fjalar will crow to the giants and the golden cock Gullinkambi will crow to the gods. A third cock will raise the dead.

The earth will shudder with earthquakes, and every bond and fetter will burst, freeing the terrible wolf Fenrir. The sea will rear up because Jormungand, the Midgard Serpent, is twisting and writhing in fury as he makes his way toward the land. With every breath, Jormungand will stain the soil and the sky with his poison. The waves caused by the serpent's emerging will set free the ship Naglfar, and with the giant Hymir as their commander, the giants will sail towards the battlefield. From the realm of the dead a second ship will set sail, and this ship carries the inhabitants of hell, with Loki as their helmsman. The fire giants, led by the giant Surt, will leave Muspell in the south to join against the gods. Surt, carrying a sword that blazes like the sun itself, will scorch the earth.

Meanwhile, Heimdall will sound his horn, calling the sons of Odin and the heroes to the battlefield. From all the corners of the world, gods, giants, dwarves, demons and elves will ride towards the huge plain of Vigrid ("battle shaker") where the last battle will be fought. Odin will engage Fenrir in battle, and Thor will attack Jormungand. Thor will victorious, but the serpent's poison will gradually kill the god of thunder. Surt will seek out the swordless Freyr, who will quickly succumb to the giant. The one-handed Tyr will fight the monstrous hound Garm and they will kill each other. Loki and Heimdall, age-old enemies, will meet for a final time, and neither will survive their encounter. The fight between Odin and Fenrir will rage for a long time, but finally Fenrir will seize Odin and swallow him. Odin's son Vidar will at once leap towards the wolf and kill him with his bare hands, ripping the wolf's jaws apart.

Then Surt will fling fire in every direction. The nine worlds will burn, and friends and foes alike will perish. The earth will sink into the sea.

After the destruction, a new and idyllic world will arise from the sea and will be filled with abundant supplies. Some of the gods will survive, others will be reborn. Wickedness and misery will no longer exist and gods and men will live happily together. The descendants of Lif and Lifthrasir will inhabit this earth.

reply to post by Duckling


sounds kind of disturbing. I'm kind of the opposite in a way. 3 years ago something happened to me and when I like someone and think pleasant thoughts of them it's as if something else out there will suddenly floor my mind with hateful thoughts of them and I just think to myself wtf kind of evil being would follow a persons thoughts and play opposites with almost everything I think.

Evil is the Love of sin.

Since you have a conscience and feel guilt, you are not evil.

All of us sin, but that doesn't make us evil.

reply to post by CrypticSouthpaw
All this is but a fading dream with no power to terrify us anymore, or so I really, really hope. Except the Ragnorak part, I'd like to see the dream end that way. What i would like even more is to escape from this dream to a nicer one? Or waken to the absolute truth, light way out, but I think if I was ready I would be awake right... NOW!

I believe there is both good and evil in everyone. I had a dream once where I became truly evil. I was killing and hurting people for my own entertainment and felt pleasure from killing them. This feeling was new to me. That is the feeling of enjoying causing other people pain and suffering and even death. I woke up and felt disgusted at the dream and even more disgusted at remembering how good it felt to be evil. Unless you are trying to hurt others or yourself, I would not call yourself evil. I call people evil when they are truly disgusting humans who seem to take pleasure in hurting others. Knowing what that feels like from a dream disgusts me that I know about it. If I do have evil desires, I do not have to do evil. Like Captain Kirk once said, we could all be killers but that does not mean we have to kill today. We don't have to kill Tommorrow either.

I understand growing up In certain religious families can put ideas in your head. I was told for years the anti-Christ was born the same year as me. Then at some point I thought, what if that was me? Then after a few seconds I came to the logical conclusion that was total nonsense. I mean I have no special powers and I still go to church. I am a good person even though I have a lot of evil thoughts. I am both good and evil. I choose not to do all the evil things I think about. Usually I choose not to even talk about all those evil thoughts. I know they are there. It's like I can see into the minds of serial killers. I've even had dreams where I invaded the minds of some killers and felt what they were feeling. Having dreams where I invade the minds of all kinds of humans and sometimes others is weird enough by itself.

I remember someone I knew in College had a poster or some saying that read something like "Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over!". I thought it was funny.

Originally posted by smyleegrl

Originally posted by Duckling
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

I am not religious, I don't deny it but I am the kind of person that needs proof before I can fully believe something. My parents also aren't religious and raised me to have an open mind. I was raised believing I could become and do anything I wanted to.

Okay, so no history of being told your evil.

No history of you behaving in an evil manner (hurting others, etc).

I don't know why you have this feeling, and I won't negate it with simple platitudes. You feel it, therefore it is real.

What do you consider to be "good"? Have you done "good" and still feel this way?

There is a problem here... religion confuses people about what is good or bad... a lot of things supported by religion are unhealthy, and a lot of things shunned by it are actually good for you. So... how is someone who was brought up religious supposed to determine whether or not they are acting in an evil manner?

I think the awareness that you have bad thoughts (doesn't seem like you act upon them) is a sign that you have a highly developed conscience. Many people have angry thoughts and wish evil upon others and see nothing wrong in doing so.

If someone doesn't struggle with evil, evil is sitting pretty IMHO.

Sadly, the distance between good and evil is diminishing because people don't take the time to prioritize/clarify their values. They don't know who they are - they just know what they want to achieve.

Don't be too tough on yourself based on others insights. They may be more off-based than you know. Perhaps you are better off than the ones who have been given so many positive affirmations they wouldn't even take the time to reflect on their thoughts and actions because they walk on water until reality shatters their illusion and they fall apart.

Maybe this will help: www.abovetopsecret.com...

Starred and flagged for being genuine and sincere.

reply to post by Duckling

I grew up in a christian household and was a christian myself. I felt evil too, even though my actions weren't exactly making me anymore evil than anybody else. I felt like a sinner.

I'm not a christian anymore. Been an agnostic for several years. The reason I'm not an atheist is because I can't claim there's no God. I can only say Where's the evidence?

But I still feel evil somewhat. I still somewhat think the world is evil. I've kind of taken that old feeling of sinfulness that I perceived in the secular world and changed it in various ways.

I think that the way I feel might be due in part to my own feelings of underachievement. I always feel like I could be doing so much better and that I've let everyone down. This feeling is not undeserved. I have in fact let a lot of people down. I feel that if I was doing better in my life and more confident in my abilities that my feelings about myself and about this world might be more optimistic.

But I won't lie. There's a part of my mind still stuck in christian-mode. I do not foresee anything in my life deleting the memories I have of growing up as a christian. I can still feel it.

Then there's the social side of it, or hte lack thereof. I'm not great with people and don't say the right things. A lot of times I don't say anything at all. So I sometimes will get negative responses because I'm not as quick to respond as others or because I might have hte wrong body language. Perhaps my feelings of inadequacy or evilness relate to this too.

I don't really have a belief system. In fact, I don't believe in good and/or evil. I believe we're all (mostly or completely) helpless creatures fighting to stay alive amidst oblivion.

How can I feel evil or think the world is evil if I don't believe in evil? Well, it's not so much about good and evil, it's about rightness. By rightness I mean that, given perfect rightness, there's no death and no pain and no misery and no lying and so on. I don't want other things to hurt. I hate seeing other things hurt. I want to see people smile. I want to see creatures be healthy. There're no conditions for it. All things deserve peace. So my feelings of evil stem from not being able to stop suffering and all these other things and also because I notice that I am a unhappy participant in some of it. For example, I have to kill to eat. I cannot stop that. I am born into it and it's inescapable.

Check this out:
There's something to it. I saw it yesterday.

And just a few min ago I was eating and thinking "Pain and death bring weight to memories, don't they? Would what a memory be if there was no loss and no feeling of consequences?" Aren't memories special because they're irreproducible and represent hard won choices? If this were not the case, life would be little more than just a collection of toys to play with (and as easily discarded).

But maybe not. Only God knows, if there's a God, why any of this exists.

Hey...
I know exactly what you mean. I've experienced this, in fact experienced this for years. It's just this feeling of pure evil...it just feels so good! Really, there is no true way to explain the feeling, but evil is the closest word in our language to describe it. But it's not a religious thing, or a secular thing, it's just...
If only there wasn't this thing called a conscience, the evil could flow freely. The fact that you only FEEL evil is a good thing. Trust me, you don't want to act on it...living with regrets is a horrible thing.
I know I didn't really answer your question, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone. The feelings of being evil incarnate will eventually pass. Mine began to fade in my late 20's, and I eventually became the person that I am today. I feel horrible if I kill a moth, for example. The fact that you feel this way means that you KNOW the evil that is in the world.
Being aware of evil, especially that in yourself, is one of the steps to true enlightenment, and to that of true happiness. So go ahead and explore your evil feelings. Find out what it truly means to be evil. When you come out the other side, you'll be a better person for it.
Believe it or not, the most evil things are not actions, they are inactions...not helping someone when they need help is much more evil than hurting someone.
Prejudice, hatred, racism, religion...all of these things breed evil, and I mean TRUE evil. Inner peace is the answer. Just continue to be the good person that you seem to be, and you'll get there. One day you'll wake up and realize that the evil feeling is gone.
Sorry for the rambling post...I hope that something that was said here helps you on your path.

reply to post by LobeDethFaurt

I was going to walk away and say nothing, but I can't. It's precisely the inaction that's the major reason I feel so unrighteous. I am too selfish to lose my life to fight for what's right.

I am the most cowardly person I know. Evil to the bone.

Originally posted by jonnywhite
reply to post by LobeDethFaurt

 

I was going to walk away and say nothing, but I can't. It's precisely the inaction that's the major reason I feel so unrighteous. I am too selfish to lose my life to fight for what's right.

I am the most cowardly person I know. Evil to the bone.

edit on 11-5-2013 by jonnywhite because: (no reason given)

Fear of loosing ones' life is a survival instinct. At the same time, fear can keep you from being truly happy. What you call cowardice is simply fear of the unknown. Embrace this fear, says I! You'll be sure to live a long and unfulfilling life. Or...well...you know.

On another note, I sense much sarcasm in your post.

reply to post by fc487




You want the absolute truth?

Well in all truth. The complete essence you are made of ( earth wind fire and water) Earth physical matter wind gas fire (electricity light gammarays ext physical state fire)

reply to post by Duckling

Hello Duckling...

I didn't read through the thread - only your OP so far - but I felt compelled to reply right away on personal grounds.
Maybe my answer to you has come up in some other post as well. No Problem.

First I want to make clear that my answer is not meant as an offense to you in any way - and I don't say that to be politically correct. I HATE that kind of self censoring.

It could be that you have had some experiences (as a child) that you don't remember anymore.
Only the feeling that went with them got branded into your soul and memory.
As a child you didn't have the ability really to do BAD things because you lacked the insight in the development of (everyday) situations.

Sometimes there is a person that still nowadays you might trust very much who is in a way connected to such experiences and if such a person should have told you in your past that some things happened because YOU were the cause and so guilty for that - you would have believed him/her naturally because to you that adult would have looked like a never-fallible GOD.

This person might have had a very good purpose for imprinting that feeling of "being EVIL" into you only for reasons of his/her own sake.

Naturally - over the www. its not possible to go a lot deeper into that - but I've been working in such fields for such a long time that I "smell" patterns when they cross my way and you asked for a possible solution to your prob.

In my opinion the solution could be that you find yourself a therapist (maybe Fritz Perls's gestalt therapy or conventional psychotherapy or analysis or regression... there are many ways to cope with your personal story as a - maybe - survivor) who listens to you in a save environment so that you can come to therms with yourself.

Right now you seem to be on some edge of some cliff and you shouldn't walk further alone in the dark.

Here is a candle for you

A

There is a problem here... religion confuses people about what is good or bad... a lot of things supported by religion are unhealthy, and a lot of things shunned by it are actually good for you. So... how is someone who was brought up religious supposed to determine whether or not they are acting in an evil manner?

reply to post by darkbake


A very good point, although the OP stated he wasn't a religious person.

How do we determine what is good and what is evil? Certainly our society has boundaries...good is helping others while evil is harming others. Of course it's subjective, but isn't there an underlying truth? Some things we know are just wrong, such as murder, rape, the like.

I suppose the only way to determine for yourself is to let your conscience guide you.

Forgive the lack of clarity, I'm not thinking straight today.

Originally posted by smyleegrl

How do we determine what is good and what is evil? Certainly our society has boundaries...good is helping others while evil is harming others. Of course it's subjective, but isn't there an underlying truth? Some things we know are just wrong, such as murder, rape, the like.

I suppose the only way to determine for yourself is to let your conscience guide you.

Not everyone knows when something is considered 'wrong'. Beyond cultural and genetic influences, and our own wildly subjective and arbitrary sense of morality, the idea of an underlying universal moral code is ludicrous. We don't murder our children because, for most of us, we are controlled thru hormones (oxytocin..etc) and instincts in our bodies to bond with our children. There is no 'evil' or 'good' about it whatsoever.

People come to fear anything they view as 'evil' about themselves, and they cannot be blamed. Our cultures discourage and subvert anything beyond herd mentality. This should be considered natural behavior for homo sapiens as a social primate, so it is understandable that most people avoid any 'darker' urges they may have. Unfortunately, these natural instincts to conform and be acceptable in the social confines of the herd, have been twisted in the grandiose delusions and fantasies of the spiritual/religious-minded into unrealistic ideologies and philosophies concerning ethics that have no basis in reality whatsoever.