Stop being blind and see what you have in front of you!

Well, I can see a pattern here, and it's a weird one for me. It seems that I continue to post in this forum, mainly because my issues are not the kinds of things that you can just BS with the guys about, and also because I value this communities input. Here on ATS we have a terrific community of deep and logical thinkers, spiritual types, romantics, cynics, and all things in between. In all the threads I've posted in this forum, I've talked about some of my most personal and heavily guarded feelings. You see, recently, a psychiatrist friend of mine told me that I have a hard time expressing my feelings (tell me something I dont know ) and he suggested that I start a blog. Well, since, i'm not really sure what a blog is or what it does, I've posted my thoughts on the subject here , here , and here.

I've come to the point where I just want to tell the woman that I have these feelings for to wise up and see what you have in front of you.

This goes to all women. Do you have a guy friend who you've made into a crying shoulder? Are you always calling him to talk about how your current deadbeat is treating you bad, only to hear him sigh and say something like "no surprise there"? Well, I'm gonna point something out to you. Even though he more than likely values your friendship, unless he's gay, there's probably another reason that he puts up with it. He has feelings for you, but he doesn't want to make it clear because he knows you too well. He know's you'll pull the typical female response of "how can you make this about you?". You may not know it, and you probably don't intend it, but you're more than likely killing him emotionally.

Now, ladies, please don't take this the wrong way. Conveying an idea via text is not an easy thing to do. Please don't think that I'm bashing or belittling women. I love women, maybe too much.

Anyway, maybe I should've put this in rant...

Looking forward to your input, friends.

reply to post by dave_welch


I like this forum too. Peoples outlooks on relationships are fascinating.

I'm a guy and will never let myself get friendzoned again. If I find a woman attractive, I make my intentions clear from the start and if she's not interested then I move on.

I know a lot of guys think if they befriend a woman then she will eventually reciprocate but sadly, that seldom happens and if it does, it's after she's had a lot of fun with other men and decided to settle. Meanwhile, captain friendzone has had a #ty few years pining after her.

Not for me, I refuse to be used.

reply to post by dave_welch


Oh, I hadn't read your threads. I see you have pretty much the same course of action as me.

I think most guys fear(me included), losing a good friend by revealing our desire. I went thru many of those "i think this guy likes me but im not sure..." talks and asking for advice.

I have become more cold toward that now, i barely care. The sad part is, becoming friend zoned often might actually damage a possible relationship in the future. When a girl who might actually like you and you will always be on the defensive and prevent girls from getting too "attached", aka, initial step toward friend zone and possible gf.

If you could read people's mind, the world would be so simple.

1) Look > < Look!

2) Interest? Interest.

3) Ok, ill pick you up tomorrow afternoon!

reply to post by dave_welch


Hello Dave,

May I ask how old you are? The reason I ask is because when I was younger I used to believe the same things, only about guys. I would have a crush on a guy, like him a lot, and it was never reciprocated. Instead, I got to hear how much he loved this other girl, how beautiful she was, how he would do anything for her....blah blah blah. You've been there, so no need to continue the description.

I thought I'd never find someone who would love me just for myself. I was the girl next door....not the vivacious beauty most young men fantasized about. I faded into the background, I guess you could say.

This worry haunted me for years. So much so, in fact, that I married the first guy I ever really dated. That ended in divorce, albeit an amicable one, and left me in a massive depression. I was ready to give up on love and resign myself to a life of spinsterhood.

I tried everything I could to meet guys, but I've never been into the party scene and my avenues of meeting new people were limited. So I joined eharmony.

I felt so horrible about joining eharmony. What was wrong with me that I had to sign up for a dating service? I told no one, because I was ashamed.

Six months into eharmony, I was matched with Justin, a fellow teacher in another state. We first began talking on the phone around Christmas. In February he drove to my hometown to meet me. In July, I moved to his hometown. We were engaged that fall and married the following March.

We've now been together eight years and I couldn't be happier. Justin sounds a lot like you....the proverbial "nice guy" who kept getting friend-zoned. Well, I'm glad he did because those girls overlooked a real treasure. He's caring, compassionate, hard working, hilarious, and the best husband and father anyone could hope for.

I'm sharing all of this because I want you to know that I understand. I also want you to keep looking and not give up hope. She's out there, searching for you. You'll find her.

If you ever want to talk, just let me know.

smylee

reply to post by smyleegrl


Guys always wait on girls to give signals, if the signal is weak, then he actually might think you are not interested.

Because guys need the signal to think for themselves that they have a possible chance.

If i was a girl, i would let the guy know!

Everyone has fear of rejecting but in this current era, it is written in stone that guy should make first move, which is a nervous wreck.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Hey there smylee, you ol' sweetheart you, good to see you here, I knew you'd show up!

By the way, I'm 26.

Originally posted by luciddream
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Guys always wait on girls to give signals, if the signal is weak, then he actually might think you are not interested.

Because guys need the signal to think for themselves that they have a possible chance.

If i was a girl, i would let the guy know!

Everyone has fear of rejecting but in this current era, it is written in stone that guy should make first move, which is a nervous wreck.

That makes sense.

I'm not trying to sell anyone on Internet dating, but here's the thing. You are meeting someone who's expressly looking for a romantic interest and they know you are too. Might be a way to avoid the friend zone thing?

Letting the girl know up front that you're looking for a relationship is great advice (I saw it given in a previous post). Make it clear that's what you want, if she's not interested then move on.

Originally posted by luciddream
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Guys always wait on girls to give signals, if the signal is weak, then he actually might think you are not interested.

Because guys need the signal to think for themselves that they have a possible chance.

If i was a girl, i would let the guy know!

Everyone has fear of rejecting but in this current era, it is written in stone that guy should make first move, which is a nervous wreck.

x1,000,000 on that!

Of all the thousands of years of human existence and evolution, you'd think the prettier ones (aka the women) would've figured it out by now!

Originally posted by dave_welch
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Hey there smylee, you ol' sweetheart you, good to see you here, I knew you'd show up!

By the way, I'm 26.

Why you're just a youngun'!

I didn't meet Justin until I was 30. By then, my whole perspective on life had changed and I'd matured.

From what I've read of your posts, you're a great person and one day you're going to make some lucky girl extremely happy.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Online dating is a great tool, actually. Plentyoffish.com is one I've used for a while now, and when I lived in the Seattle area, I had a fair amount of luck (or at least more than usual). The only problem is, if you're a guy like me, just the "average joe' type, you really gotta try hard and get some help on that profile. There have always and will always be way more men on there than women. So, when you send a girl a message there, you have to make sure it's clever and catches her attention, because she's already read through 10 others that day.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Young in body, old in spirit. That's the biggest problem. I never go by looks very much. Sure, I'll do a double take when I see a pretty girl, what sexually active, strait guy doesn't?

But I've always been more attracted to a woman's mind, or soul, or personality, whatever you want to call it.

One of my biggest problems, on a first date at least, is not shutting the hell up and letting her talk! I get nervous on a first date, trying to impress, or at least spark her interest. and I end up telling my life story before the appetizers arrive! I wish I could film it, because I bet it's hilarious.

"STAY SANE, MY FRIENDS."
(dos equis)

About this ... guy being a shoulder to cry on and talk to deal ...

That happened to me quite a bit in High School, and the few years thereafter.

It doesn't happen to me anymore, for a number of reasons.

1) Girls were more immature back then than they are now, at my age of 30.
2) They didn't know what they wanted, what was ideal, and what to go for

So then, it can still happen post-school-years, but is less common. If it happens, here's my advice.

3) Stop being so damn nice to the girl, and let her know HOW YOU FEEL. Not ALL your feelings, JUST the fact that you're BEING USED FOR YOUR NICE, CARING PERSONALITY, andddd .. your NICE DEMEANOR.
(A product of how you were raised, on purpose, to be a nice decent person, by your parents!)

Just that alone can really flip their mind .. and make them think hard, but it probably wont cause them to instantly fall for you.

This is OK. Truth be told, if you were with that dumb hoe, you wouldnt be happy for very long.

SO then, you scrape up your pride, stop being so outwardly nice, dont be mean, just be COLLECTED. Think before you speak, think about how those nice, softy, feelings when theyre described to a female who isn't feeling that same way, will be read by that female.

She'll think your clingy, that you're thirsty, that you LACK SELF CONFIDENCE.

I've been the nice guy. The friend. The emotional tampon. It sucks. The desire for a loving relationship grows stronger when a woman is in need of help. Many men make the mistake that by being emotionally supportive, the woman will notice other characteristics. This is the ultimate blunder.

Let it be known that all you care about is sex. Eventually, the woman will cave in and be a sexual partner. Once this happens, THEN the couple can determine if they're relationship/love material.

You can be an UGLY DUDE, seriously! And if you are confident in your own skin, the way you talk, the way you move, the way you do things, EVEN if you have to fake it before you make it. Even if you do not have the confidence, fake it, it will catch on through your experiences and begin to grow within you.

reply to post by runetang


Yep.

Confidence and humor are the most attractive traits in a guy (my opinion). Just be careful that your confidence doesn't become arrogance, as that's a huge turn-off.

reply to post by DaTroof


Actually, even tho i'm a guy and like sex, if a girl gave it up that fast... i don't think i would want to be in a longtime relationship with her.

Because you mind will automatically puts 2 and 2 together and be like, "how was her history...?"

My guy friend became my partner and now fiancee and we are expecting our first born, a boy, June 14th.

We were friends before we dated and one day we finally said how we felt about each other and the rest is history. He is a wonderful guy and I'm very happy with him.

I wish you luck!! Tell her face to face.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Who expressed first? you or him? now be truthful!

If its not personal, what was his first expression?

reply to post by luciddream


I guess it all depends on one's level of comfort. I've had plenty of partners, so I prefer like-skilled women. When I was a lowly virgin or rarely had sex, I sought women in the same class of experience: little to no sexual history.

reply to post by luciddream


Kinda like checking the CARFAX to make sure that beautiful pre-owned vehicle wasn't a taxi?

But in all seriousness,

GUYS: Don't hide your fracking feelings!

GIRLS: Don't be vague, don't be subtle, and don't take advantage of the nice guy, eventually he'll see the futility in it all and move on, this is when you start to think about that guy, only to find that you're too damn late.