I think I may have a dark view on life

Hello everyone, I've been a lurker for almost half a decade now... but this is my first actual post. I think I might have a dark view of life. I feel almost detached from it, yet at the same time in my moments of drunken stupor, everything just seems to resonate on a plane of higher reality. Sometimes I miss my childhood I suppose... the first girl I've ever loved, the town I grew up in, the whole atmosphere just seems so far from reach. I'm now a military officer away from home, thinking that this was the solution to get away from past mistakes... however, I find myself longing to relive those things that I find myself running back to in my own mind.

Long story short, I am an aspiring autodidact... I feel like this is the only legitimate way to live life anymore, as I almost can't trust anything that is offered up to me. I need to seek the answers for myself, in only this mannerism can I discover the satisfaction that I desire. I honestly don't know if I thought any of this out, but a subconscious force told me to join up and get some of my wording out to the world... Well, the world that might understand me at least. Sometimes, I just feel like I'm at a loss for words. Anyway, please tell me about yourselves (anyone who reads this for that matter) I'd be awfully glad to learn about you all and what your stories are... I can't seem to find anyone who can relate to me by other means, so I figured I would use the opportunities at my fingertips to try and grasp some perspective!

Btw I was drunk when I wrote this, much of what I've written seems awfully unclear to me, so I understand if you all are curious as to why there are so many damned holes in this post.

- Sc00b (I drive a wrx, haha... subie pride!)

HI there, welcome!

Interesting place this!

P

reply to post by deathbysc00b


hey, welcome to ATS...
i understand the desire to pursue an autodidactic route and have at times even viewed the idea of others pointing avenues of exploration with cynicism.
however, as long as someone aint telling me what to think, i've come to the conclusion "so what?"
i'll explore whatever seems of interest, time permitting.. and then try to find as many differing sources and perspectives as possible to provoke thought and allow me to come to my own conclusions - as long as i can find new subjects to explore, then i'm a happy man

the trick then is to ensure that my mind does not become too "set", and remains open to further examination of what i thought i knew - i still catch myself getting set in my ways and have to give myself a slap now and again

see you around the site

Welcome to ATS.

Your story reminds me of myself during my late twenties and early thirties, I drank heavily during that period of my life and struggled with a lot of dark thoughts, memories of better times and questions about my existence. I'm sure many here have a similar experience.

As time passes lessons are learned and wounds are healed. Keep your head up.

good to have you posting look forward to your future post.

Welcome to ATS ......... where everything is a little bit strange to say the least..... also where everything is a conspiracy too........

Enjoy

the ruthless one

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Semper

Hello and welcome!

reply to post by deathbysc00b


I can relate to your story big time. I am also an autodidact, though I have a B.S. in electrical engineering, I never learned as much in school as I have on my own. What I really relate with you about is the detached feeling. I haven't felt like I was really part of the human race since I was around 18. I'm 54 now. I am probably even more screwed up in that department than you (as well as the drinking). To call what I experience and live in "dark" would probably be an understatement and I know no other person that I could ever discuss these things with - especially those closest to me. And the only ones close to me really are my wife and young child. I have 3 grown children, but they kind of live their own lives for the most part.

reply to post by deathbysc00b


Personally, I think that some of your 'dark' outlook on life is simple honesty built from your life's experiences to date.

Here, try this mixed with a little rum...

"The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it." - George Bernard Shaw

Now, the only comment I have to offer that quote is my own and can be found in my signature below...

"The virtue and perfection of cynicism is that you are rarely if ever wrong and never at all disappointed if you are."

So, the dark outlook is actually cynicism which is, in turn (in my opinion), a very healthy attitude when taken into context against the world around us in this wonderfully inspiring 21st century. Moreover, your choice to basically educate yourself using life experience as a teacher, will likely lead to a day when you hold that perspective with both pride of accomplishment and reward from being right.

Best to ya...

reply to post by deathbysc00b


Welcome to ATS...hope you find what you are looking for here.

Des

Cheers big ears
Welcome aboard.

reply to post by skalla


Thanks Skalla, your words are inspiring and seem to be inline with my current state of thought. Thank you for taking the time to welcome me to the site! It's extremely encouraging to hear words from those that have a healthy dosage of cynicism every now and then. Makes me feel like I belong here still, and I am glad to become a part of this community... I also look forward to seeing you around the site. Cheers, friend!

-Sc00b

reply to post by seabhac-rua


Thanks, sea... I'm already beginning to discover that what you said is reality. I am in my early twenties, and this view of mine seems to almost be leading me somewhere. Even though my introduction may come off skewed in a way, I understand that I am gifted with the understanding that the world should not always be viewed through rose-colored glasses (like most of my generational counterparts seem to think). YOLO really doesn't seem to hold any damned weight in my life, I find myself consistently hoping that something better than this is to come, especially when I look up at the night sky and realize that I'm floating on a ball of microscopic dust (in terms of the scale of our universe). Thank you much for the warm welcome and I hope to see you around the site!

-Sc00b

reply to post by pez1975


I'm looking forward to them too pez, although I know some of them may come off a bit ignorant at first... my purpose here is to deny ignorance, even if it is my own... appreciate your time welcoming me to the site and I hope to see you around.

-Sc00b

reply to post by semperfortis


Thanks for the helpful information semper! It's an honor to have a mod reply to my post, and I hope I can do a service and obey the rules as best I can! Appreciate the welcome and I will ensure I've read the info you have provided.

-Sc00b

reply to post by Night Star


Haha, if there was a picture to describe my interactions tonight, this would be it Night! Thanks for the post, cheered me up quite a bit!

-Sc00b

reply to post by wtbengineer


The need for answers dwells strongly deep inside Engineer, and I am glad to see that there is someone who is still on the journey ahead of me. This gives me hope for my life, and I am glad to have that. I to have a bs (criminal justice) and honestly college was a joke. I find myself striving for that pure knowledge, the kind that strikes you when you are a child sitting in the grass and playing and then that moment of discovery hits you (why is it green? why do my parents water it? why do they constantly refer to the sun's influence upon it?) These things are almost manufactured in a formal educational setting (the grass is green because blank...) Long story short I would much rather have known the satisfaction of self-discovery then being spoon-fed information. Thank you for your encouraging words!

-Sc00b

reply to post by redoubt


Appreciate your input redoubt, I whole-heartedly agree on your take about cynicism, and I too believe that it is not really a curse, but a blessing in disguise. I am proud that I do not fall prey as easily as some of the people my age do in regards to what is being fed to their senses. I will look at the information you suggested, I think it would be helpful to gauge a greater understanding of my situation and how the world operates around me. Thank you, and hope to see you around!

-Sc00b

reply to post by Destinyone


Des, it's an honor, I've read many of your posts! Hopefully I become a friend or a worthy adversary in the near future! Your contribution alone is motivating!

-Sc00b