Mail Order Brides

Okay, what I want to know about men who have chosen the locations of mail order Brides. Usually happens to be Thailand, Filipines, or Russia. Is that dont they feel that they are taking " advantage" of these people. Also... I get that they will perhaps have a better life with a Western husband. But I want to know, dont these men realise how " short changed" they often are. I mean to be with a woman that isnt with you for love, really. A woman that has these traditions and laws imposed on them where woman is not to divorce ever even if truely unhappy. Women who are really wanting to support their families, hence the marriage.

These hugely old fashioned concepts that the women have done seem to effect men. They proudly walk with their foreign brides feeling that they have hit the " jackpot! " and only them think this from the outside they look like absolute fools I might add. I mean if they were marrying a hot model with a degree id understand. But they are marrying these women in such a poor economic position they are just greatful to marry any " western" person. And they arent particulary hot either.. even though that might be subjective. Mostly they are ordinary or abit unattractive.

Also they say they choose them because they are more " domesticated" they can cook, clean and do that. Is that REALLY a reason to marry a woman from abroad?..

Also they will not get " rejected" by those from Third world countries. Whereas a Western lady might reject them. As the customs and tradition and views toward marriage differ in those countries. Also perhaps they arent attracted to educated women.

Im abit confused if women started to bring tons of China men back to their country of origin because they are more domestic what would men think honestly.
Isnt chores supposed to be done by both people, particulary if both people work.

reply to post by FreedomEntered


That actress in all the RE movies is a mail order bride.

Marrying for love in Western Societies leads to a 50% divorce rate. Well, that works.

The old system of your parents picking your partner seemed to work better. It seems that most came to love the mates chosen for them.

Mail order brides is just another way to do it. There are a great many assumptions in your OP. Who says the couple don't love each other. That is what you think but you offer no proof. Not all of them work out but many do!

Perhaps you have it wrong. No system is perfect, some seem better than others.

P

reply to post by pheonix358


No I am saying the reason behind the marriage is often not love. Mail order brides will often get married as soon as possible, in haste.
They wont wait around.... because they are more than desperate to have a better life which they feel a Western person could provide. They send emails then meet a few times and propose marriage.

Thats it.

Yes 50% of marriages may end in the West in divorce. But it seems odd that you dont acknowledge that although in the past Western marriages lasted a life time very often not all of these people were happy. They were trapped and unhappy.

Thats just the way it is not everyone is going to make the correct choice about who to spend their life time with.

So by your anology its better to be trapped and unhappy in a lasting marriage then to divorce.... right?

Yes, I know many unhappy filipinos in marriages the things that they have said to me show that this is NOT an equal relationship and they are being taking advantage of. I know only one russian and the same applies too.

What makes me wonder is why men feel so PROUD of doing this. Its like I could find a homeless person ina third world country and offer them the world. But do you really think they would be looking at " me"... for me?! I dont think so. They would see me as a meal ticket. Least initially until reality sets in.

There are many gold diggers in every culture. Perhaps more in poorer ones, yes. However, I dont understand your gripe with this. If men want to do this, then what has it got to do with us. If they think they will be happy, then fine.. it is something they have to find out for themselves without you and me judging them for doing it.

So what if the bride sees the man as a way out of their povery? If you could make more money for your family, I bet you would jump at the offer, and not all of these relationships are going to end in tears. Some work out and some work out longer than wester-western marriages.

You dont seem to understand that the cultures are so different. From expectations, to morals, just about everything is different. It can be a big, big challenge for either side, yet it is also an opportunity to grow to know yourself and your partner better too.

I just dont see your beef with it all - unless you are of the opinion that Americans should marry Americans and thats it. End of story. Is that it? Well, the world is not like that any longer as there are many different cultures living together making the best of the land they live in.

They are lonely, can't find a woman at home who will marry them and want a submissive woman instead of one who will speak out against them.


I used to work in the exotic dancer business and I saw many mail order brides and their spouses. It was blatantly obvious why these men chose these kind of women. I found it quite sad for he women. Sure they came to the states but they usually got a prick for a husband who could treat them however he wanted because they were not the type of woman to speak out against their husband. They were to basically obey him.

I know not all mail order relationships are like this but the majority are. They also want arm candy that won't take them for all their money, the ones who have money anyway. I have seen it all. It's amazing what I saw in that business and what people are willing to tell you after a few shots. I found it quite disgusting at times to be honest with what these men wanted from these women.


I think mail order brides should be illegal personally.

reply to post by qmantoo


Well, my gripe is this. I have met 3 Filipino women who have a very sad life with their husbands. And are not treated as equals.I also know a Russian who the same applies.

Of course the Western government isnt going to do much when a foreign bride is abused, because the brides do not speak out very often, due to the fact that in their own countries they have been taught that marriage is for life and that they are " lucky". So they put up with ALOT more than say Western women would.

Another example, is old men in 60s marrying the women in their 20s. This happens because they are prepared to take alot more " nonsense" . What normal kid would want to date someone old enough to be their grandparent? Realistically speaking .

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Yep, and age is a huge factor for them. It seems like a trophy for them to have a young innocent woman. Rather than a woman their own age. They feel proud for doing this.

Needless to say these older men will die and likely the women will inherit everything anyway, so maybe there is some poetic justice.
Im sure these women will then move onto someone who they are feel a real love for.

Originally posted by FreedomEntered
reply to post by qmantoo

 

Well, my gripe is this. I have met 3 Filipino women who have a very sad life with their husbands. And are not treated as equals.I also know a Russian who the same applies.

On the flip side, I've seen a few decidedly older aussie men with asian women in their late 40's or early 50's, who've obviously been together for a long time, and they seem as bizarre as any old couple. The women pick at his clothes and he'll sit there like he's not concerned about his pie crust covered shirt.. lol oO

they appear to me as if they met via a service such as the ones you mention, but at the end of the day they are a content couple of fogeys. They may be rare.. I honestly don't know, and maybe I've been coincidentally fortunate to have seen the same couple over the last few years.. stranger things have happened.

They sit there looking disinterested at the train window, and with the occasional head turn and mumble, they both nod in agreement of either her not hearing a word he just said, or her being right there with his thoughts. Back to the window.

But I don't see any despair in her eyes or sense of being trapped.

Nor his. I see a reasonably comfortable couple. If we could all be that lucky, I say go for it. At the end of the day either one is free to leave and they're both fully aware of that possibility given the very nature of their 'contract'.

Originally posted by FreedomEntered
Yep, and age is a huge factor for them. It seems like a trophy for them to have a young innocent woman. Rather than a woman their own age. They feel proud for doing this.

Needless to say these older men will die and likely the women will inherit everything anyway, so maybe there is some poetic justice.
Im sure these women will then move onto someone who they are feel a real love for.

I worked with two Filipino women, both of them had married for immigration purposes and both came from incredibly harsh conditions. One had a daughter from a previous relationship and it was her intention to stay with her husband, who absolutely idolised her, until her daughter had gone through university. The other, no child, divorced her husband as soon as she had achieved full citizenship. They were both lovely, kind, intelligent women who, to their mind, had made a business decision to achieve a better life for themselves, and to enable them to provide for their families back home. Not easy to comprehend, I don't have to sell myself, I have choices, but that was the extent of theirs and they weighed up the risks involved. Neither one, felt unable to leave their husbands once they had fulfilled their obligations to them.

I would suppose that it depends very much on the contractual obligations involved in such arrangements, and the individuals reasons for getting involved in such an arrangement, as well as the country to which they are coming to, it is perhaps more 'female friendly' here in the UK, I don't know.

reply to post by winofiend


Yep, I think some men dont mind age but want the " exotic" foreign woman, they seem fed up with Western women and I honestly dont know why.
But is odd is they practically are " arranged marriage" themselves.

Just seems strange to come from democratic societies and then to want to go back to the " older ways" of doing things.
And at times they can hardly converse with their prospective husband or wife because of the languages spoken by both. So what on earth do they have incommon to come to the conclusion that this is their life long partner?

reply to post by KilgoreTrout


But realistically if its a way to better themselves economically they are having sex with people they - may not feel attracted to or like. Do you realise what that means? Day in and day out to be tied to someone who really you using just to keep afloat.

I mean if you were a 20yr old would you want to be tied to a 60yrs old fat man, just cos he has a few bucks?

How degrading might that be.

Let's be real here, a woman's love is never going to be as strong for the poor man.

Women only marry for love in fairy tales.

reply to post by ANOK


Um, poorer men date and marry plenty. Actually id say many women in the Western marry for personality and not her feelings of " attractedness" to a guy and not their income.

reply to post by FreedomEntered


I am not disputing that I would find it degrading, but women sell themselves all the time and with far less incentives. The two women that I mentioned came from extremely harsh conditions, economically and socially, and firmly believed that they were making the right choice and by doing so, they were able to pay for their syblings to have an education back home. So sure they were making a sacrifice, and sure they were perhaps degrading themselves to do so, but they were also doing so for the betterment of more than just themselves. It is a trade off, and I don't have to make that choice, so I am not about to judge others for making the most of their lot. Women, and men, prostitute themselves in all sorts of ways, and for numerous reasons, these women could have stayed at home and prostituted themselves for pennies, or they could prostitute themselves to one man for a set period of time, and then be free to exercise a whole range of choices otherwise unavailable to them. I don't think that it is my place to judge on way or another. Adults making adult decisions.

And at times they can hardly converse with their prospective husband or wife because of the languages spoken by both. So what on earth do they have incommon to come to the conclusion that this is their life long partner?

OK, let me ask you this then - dont we all have a list of requirements to make us feel 'loved' ? Whether it be from a western girl or from an asian girl, the person fulfilling these things will give us what we need in the 'love' department. I am not just talking about sex either but a longer term relationship which we all crave once we start to look for a partner.

Women only marry for love in fairy tales.

Haha I wish that were true. Not on many foreign dating sites. They often believe they can find "their true love" on the internet. Personally, I agree with what you said, but you have to understand that many asian women who are not westernised have had a sheltered upbringing and truly believe that they will find "the one" and then they will marry him and stay with him for life - "Happy ever after".

This is not codswallop but is a product of the educational systems and culture in these foreign countries. You also have to understand that in many of these countries, the culture is for women to be the one who runs the household and manages the money side of things. They are used to doing that, their mother and grandmother did that. It is a different way of life completely and looking at it from a western viewpoint is not going to help you understand the challenges faced by mixed-race couples.

I agree too that it is adults making adult decisions. How many people prostitute themselves for their work these days. Making their work come first over their family because they want to provide a better life for their family. Not many of us can afford to work at employment we actually enjoy and make a good living.

reply to post by qmantoo


lol Work and sex are two different things.

The list of must haves in Western countries are usually things like , makes me laugh, is attractive to me, is kind... and so forth. You cannot compare the two honestly.

The traditions they have of being " loyal" to the end is all well and good, but the issue is that to a degree they are being " used" and probably also " using" does this make it any better. Well I dont think so.

Ive no clue how a man could even have sex with a woman who hes not even sure actually fancies him even..
It is in effect an arranged marriage of sorts.

Originally posted by FreedomEntered
Um, poorer men date and marry plenty. Actually id say many women in the Western marry for personality and not her feelings of " attractedness" to a guy and not their income.

Well sorry but I disagree. I know from my own experience of having both periods of poverty, and of wealth.

Sorry but competition is stiff and women have the upper hand, unless they are Dracula's daughter they ain't going to marry into poverty. Ugly rich guys marry hot women, good lucking poor guys, not so much. You're not even in the game unless you have money these days.

Number one reason for divorce?

1.) Financial- Contrary to public belief, this is in fact the most common cause of divorce.

voices.yahoo.com...

Many of them would argue that Western Women are not feminine anymore, which is BS, however i have met many my age group that do not act like women and act like men.

I guess these guys are taking the easy route to get a women, but like you said, how do you know they loved them...?

If you see an old guy + young foreign person, you know its for papers or something!

The one i saw the other day was nice looking too :/ too bad.

reply to post by ANOK


that is rubbish.

my biggest love fantasy is about a homeless man.

if only I could have knocked him out and taken him to my house