posted on May, 9 2013 @ 12:27 PM
I lost my dad on Christmas day back in 73. He had a brain tumor removed about six months earlier. He was not who he was before the operation. I got
to tell him I loved him the day before he died. I know he understood me. I did it when I was alone with him. Being a guy, we were conditioned not
to tell our father or our sons we loved them back then. It was a way of hardening us to get through life, maybe something to do with appearing strong
during times of war and death so we could help keep the family from falling apart afterwards.
I always will remember the day of his death. It will always be a joyous day for me because my father did not have to suffer any longer. He felt
embarrassed, he was always a provider, and a good one. After the surgery I could see in his eyes that he no longer felt right because he could not
provide anymore and felt he was a burden. I feared the look, knowing someday I may feel the same. I appreciate that I am in as good of health as I
am in. I appreciate that I can think and communicate well and hope I never have to go through what he did.
Although I am a guy and have been conditioned different than many, especially women who are allowed to show emotion better, I know how you feel OP.
Just because some of us do not show things does not mean that we are without pain.