Family....They will screw over you quicker than anybody.

Well, I suppose this might be the last time I spill the private sector of my soul on an internet forum...I guess the spotlight is keen on avoiding me despite my pertinent contributions to the subject matter. Not trying to be a spoiled child about it, but I thought people might appreciate that they are not alone when it comes to family that really doesn't act like family.

Chances are he is unscrupulous in many other ways no? You can also get him for these other things he does, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, but make sure you have good evidence.

Call the cops after you do this action.

reply to post by AfterInfinity


Honestly you are acting a tad immature here. Don't ever expect anything from the internet, especially in someone else's thread.

Thats true

reply to post by AfterInfinity


Wow, that sounds like a lot of drama, and two mothers, hmmm...ok well, maybe I can help, just a tad. I didn't have two mothers but lived with my Nana and Mother after we left DC, and both were Narcissist as ever. To be fair, ok, there was a LOT of patriarchal misogynist religious abuses in the big family, generational that had a LOT to do with why They were the way they were, Nana was an alcoholic, much of that due to grandads criminal and not sure what else activities in DC (he did deals with Senators, that's all I Know, well there more but don't Know all details so) and from my uncle (hes passed) I know that there was serious abuse to both him and my mother so...how much is narcissism via entitlement kind and how much from abuse and being messed up, very hard to discern, but what I have concluded, is that my Nana abused my mother by using us kids as pawns, some Control issues between the two, that were not noticeable to outsiders or to even me, I wouldn't figure out Nanas passive aggressive crap till couple of years ago. Hindsight is everything eh,

Anyway, my brother was horrifically abused psychologically BY my Nana, where my Mother was Extremely abusive to me and Nana spoiled me but you see that was Her abusing my mother through me, proxy type of thing. Pitting me a d brother against each other which is what Narcissists do, they HAVE to be the CENTER of Everythng, all the time. WE all have those tendencies btw, and one thing I would Strongly advise, like alcoholism, Narcissism is contagious, oh yes, so you'll pick up many of the traits to Survive living with one as well enabling, the dynamic, etc., and this varies too depending on the severity like mother was a Malicious narcissist, I married an abusive narcissists who was also malicious BUT he was more like my Nana, passive aggressive/psychopath type, see I thought Nana was the loving one, it wasn't till years into adulthood that I would see how HER manipulation GROOMED me to be a doormat for malicious men. And my brother, has his own issues, much like some of what you say, etc., so...yea BOTH of these women play into the dynamic, believe it or not and you sadly are in the middle. (same way in hetro marriages, only it's male va female)

So first thing, I had to learn (btw depending on severity of emotional incest, to severe abuse this can take YEARS) was BOUNDARIES, and setting them without guilt. Guilt is a biggie, so, you have to learn how to be psychopath free. and deal with similar traits in self as like alcoholism, it's comples in how it messes you up. Next is RADAR, yep living with toxic people messes with your own radar, and now for me, it's dealing with BELIEF, trust issues, trust has to be earned but know one thing, we ALL fail and betray, to err is human, the Difference is however, is that Narcissists NEVER feel guilt NOR do they ever take ownership, etc. so when you're dealing with one who is like this, there are times I think you have to cut off, relationship as it can be dangerous to not...again depending on severity. AND by NOT layi boundaries and cutting off toxicity, we actually ENABLE them to NOT ever have a conscience. These people need Tough Love. I think a lot of people Are narcissist because they've never HAD any tough love, our society REWARDS ABUSERS, brats, liars, cheats, etc, power dogs, etc. YOU have to decide your values and then stick to them, lay out the boundaries, if she/they don't respect them, say no. Don't ENGAGE, narcissists love it when YOU engage and feed them, and Know, once they can't feed off you they'll look for another.

Originally posted by AfterInfinity
Well, I suppose this might be the last time I spill the private sector of my soul on an internet forum...I guess the spotlight is keen on avoiding me despite my pertinent contributions to the subject matter. Not trying to be a spoiled child about it, but I thought people might appreciate that they are not alone when it comes to family that really doesn't act like family.

edit on 9-5-2013 by AfterInfinity because: (no reason given)

See my other reply above, one let me re enforce, that I believe you. OK, that may sound weird, but on a lot of this I know where you are coming from, as a rabid lol, feminist, the one Huge thing that irked me to no end was dealing with other feminists (and including many from GLBT) who were in this denial that yes women can be Extremely abusive, and while yes I concur strongly that patriarchy lays the foundation for about ninety percent of the dynamic, women are STILL agents of choice and have control over HOW they act, therefore they can be just as evil as the abusive man. Know what I am saying, yea, there tends to be two extremes, either narcissist denial from misogynist men OR narcissists denial from oppressive but yes also oppressed women, which makes it Harder in a lot of ways for children to deal Because they Identify with the mother, etc. Worse when it's mother to daughter abuse...even way worse when it's mother to daughter sex abuse, YES it happens, a lot. That flies in the face of both left feminism as well as patriarchy, with the whole Madonna pure mother crap. Anyway, Australia and Canada are the Only two cointries where these types if abuses are being dealt with...and even they are behind the times, etc but yea...

What it sounds to me, is that there is some severe emotional incest, and there is a book, can't recall the author but I would strongly recommend that to you. also, on you tube, look for the sessions on living with narcissism. Those will help you a lot. But I do want to encourage you, to get healing, as well as the more you understand narcissism, the better, also seeing it in self. So you Don't transfer it into other relationships, because it is contagious that way...what I call their extent or tentacle of control. It's like a cancer, anyway,

I feel for you, I could just imagine. There's a lot of denial about the abuses IN the GLBT community, patriarchal transferrance and all that, and to have kids have to sort that # out, isn't fair to them. And it's not easy in this world to deal with wounded spirits because the whole world is kind of bananas it seems, so what helps me a lot, when I start to spiral emotionally, dwelling like with the trust issues, anxiety, abandonment, etc., I meditate and focus on nature, that's my center, I study animals, plants. Learned the tree species, etc., because there is Consistency and loyalty and positive energy, would take a book to explain but it Really helps me to deal...and heal. To find Balance, because living with drama and narcissism really throws off balance, it's what they do to be the Sun center, know what I'm saying? And yea, they are pathological liars...that's another thing I had to learn, is what was real truth, about who I WAS because narcississpts try to define you and mold you and get OU to believe THEIR projections. So..ok, hope some of this helps.

As to the OP, I don't know where to even begin on the brother verses brother type of thing, if drug or alcohol addiction is involved well that would explain the narcissist behavior...of your brother, and really only tough love, and him owning up and getting some real behavior mod help, long term etc., will change that, That and reparations, to YOU and your SON, not the STATE...I think that's a huge part of Why narcissism/criminal behavior is increasing because the STATE has exploited rather than these people being forced to repay victims...even state getting a cut, that's profiting off OD crime therefore Enabling it.

But I do now this much, these dynamics go way back into childhood and even generational, and every family situ is different. This in NO WAY excuses his horrid behavior...he has issues, no doubt about that. The thing is however, is what do You do to not let it poison you, easier said than done. It Hurts, no ands ORS buts about it and it will hurt for a very, very long time...and no, you won't be able to wrap your mind around it, IF you could you'd be as narcissist as him.

One thing, you can't Blame yourself...like if he has issues from childhood, jealousy, etc., you cannot blame yourself, he has to face up to his own demons and Choose, to master his demons or let the demons master him. Whatever they may be...I do think narcissists lie to themselves, a lot. But again, that's no excuse...

One thing I can say, hard as it is, where your son is concerned, this is a time where you can be the higher ground example, yes do the right thing making your brother accountable, etc., but at same time, not be bitter, meaning, yes my brother is messed up, etc., we will get through this, but we never lose hope that one day he'll see the error of his ways and gets help...we just choose not to Enable him because we DO love him. Know what I'm saying, he needs to be accountable because if not hell only continue to get worse and do worse...and that's not Love nor Truth. Your son will see that and can take that for good, a wisdom lesson, especially if he sees real consequences, etc. Right verses Wrong, but always Mercy, with Accountability. Because Bitterness is another poison that creates a weed that is more toxic and lethal than stealing money...

And That's the one you really have to watch out for, because it blinds you to your own pride and demons, etc. hope that makes sense...I struggled years with bitterness, still do, and it did some damage to MY children without me noticing...even though there was an abuser who instigated, etc., my reaction, the kids watched more than the ABUSERS behavior. And oddly, it was MY reaction that the kids remembered more, some of that I think is that it's hard for them to sort and process when a family member wrings them AND if that family member manipulates them into forgiveness, by bribery, etc. which is what our abuser did...so...

Wise as a serpent harmless as a dove...doves WILL defend themselves, but they don't crow like the Raven (scream, etc) but coo, and laugh. But by no means are they dumb either, and add wise serpent to that, well serpents are quiet, keep to themselves but are VERY observant...they see a lot what other animals don't see, so


I hope your brother gets the help he needs while in the system...but more, I hope you and your son heal and can grow and something good come out of all this for both of you...

Originally posted by Manunnaki
Stuff like this was prophesized in the bible.

I believe it's something like:

"When mothers and fathers would sell out their own flesh for money and fame"

It's also in the book of Enoch.

It marks the time of god!

interesting, off topic, but when you have gods, per se, that invade nations, set it in stone that women are dick socks to be raped and ruled over and forced to birth slaves for gods or mini kings, and then more wars, invasions, genocides, rapes, more forced births, generation after generation creating whole human species who cannot Bond nor feel Empathy, then we Wonder why families are Divided?

because the crap parasite gods, lords and other Despots Made it this way via stratification...so time of god, no, hardly

Just the Fruit if their evil works.

If Humans ever get Smart to this...these god lies will be exposed for the lies they are...one word

MAN ip u late.

The gods should be ashamed...THEY knew better. Just deplorable ethics, period.

Originally posted by AfterInfinity
Well, I suppose this might be the last time I spill the private sector of my soul on an internet forum...I guess the spotlight is keen on avoiding me despite my pertinent contributions to the subject matter. Not trying to be a spoiled child about it, but I thought people might appreciate that they are not alone when it comes to family that really doesn't act like family.

edit on 9-5-2013 by AfterInfinity because: (no reason given)

Nobody pays attention to me either, its not a big deal, this is an information forum

reply to post by openyourmind1262


yup. friends are over rated and family will screw you over

what are you gonna do

reply to post by reject


As the saying goes, I'd rather have four quarters than a hundred pennies.

reply to post by openyourmind1262


I agree. Family are snakes.

There are families out there who are genuine about each other , fair to each other, and super loving and protective.

But this certainly is not all of them by any means.

All this kind of discord in families could be solved if family members didn't try to deceive each other with lies

reply to post by openyourmind1262


Wow you guys have some pretty crummy families... the most my family has done to me or to each other is finish all the snacks in the fridge...

reply to post by openyourmind1262


Something close to this happened to me but, my ordeal had to do with my mother in law. It wasn't until my husband and I were looking to buy our first home that I discovered, lo and behold, I already had a mortgage I knew nothing about. The events that preceded were unpleasant and something we don't really talk about but, you're right. It's incredibly sad that you have to always be on guard, even with your own family.

Early in our relationship we had a period where my DH's mother had to live with us. I never thought I needed to hide my mail in my own home. Obviously I was wrong and have learned a hard lesson.

Sucks to be you guys, my family wouldn't and has never f-ed me over like that.

Only my mom f-ed me over emotionally after our dad passed from cancer.

reply to post by Magister

i've washed my hands of my mother. she finally placed the straw that broke the camels back. my sister is welcome to everything.

reply to post by ThreeBears


wow, that's a pretty accurate description of my mom. that's why i've cut ties w/her. she is a very toxic person

reply to post by votan


you're lucky. when i was in school i was being bullied and beaten up. i BEGGED my mother to do something to make it stop. she never lifted a finger. what the hell kind of parent stands by and watches their child being hurt and does absolutely nothing to help.