posted on May, 9 2013 @ 02:00 PM
As to the OP, I don't know where to even begin on the brother verses brother type of thing, if drug or alcohol addiction is involved well that would
explain the narcissist behavior...of your brother, and really only tough love, and him owning up and getting some real behavior mod help, long term
etc., will change that, That and reparations, to YOU and your SON, not the STATE...I think that's a huge part of Why narcissism/criminal behavior is
increasing because the STATE has exploited rather than these people being forced to repay victims...even state getting a cut, that's profiting off OD
crime therefore Enabling it.
But I do now this much, these dynamics go way back into childhood and even generational, and every family situ is different. This in NO WAY excuses
his horrid behavior...he has issues, no doubt about that. The thing is however, is what do You do to not let it poison you, easier said than done.
It Hurts, no ands ORS buts about it and it will hurt for a very, very long time...and no, you won't be able to wrap your mind around it, IF you could
you'd be as narcissist as him.
One thing, you can't Blame yourself...like if he has issues from childhood, jealousy, etc., you cannot blame yourself, he has to face up to his own
demons and Choose, to master his demons or let the demons master him. Whatever they may be...I do think narcissists lie to themselves, a lot. But
again, that's no excuse...
One thing I can say, hard as it is, where your son is concerned, this is a time where you can be the higher ground example, yes do the right thing
making your brother accountable, etc., but at same time, not be bitter, meaning, yes my brother is messed up, etc., we will get through this, but we
never lose hope that one day he'll see the error of his ways and gets help...we just choose not to Enable him because we DO love him. Know what I'm
saying, he needs to be accountable because if not hell only continue to get worse and do worse...and that's not Love nor Truth. Your son will see
that and can take that for good, a wisdom lesson, especially if he sees real consequences, etc. Right verses Wrong, but always Mercy, with
Accountability. Because Bitterness is another poison that creates a weed that is more toxic and lethal than stealing money...
And That's the one you really have to watch out for, because it blinds you to your own pride and demons, etc. hope that makes sense...I struggled
years with bitterness, still do, and it did some damage to MY children without me noticing...even though there was an abuser who instigated, etc., my
reaction, the kids watched more than the ABUSERS behavior. And oddly, it was MY reaction that the kids remembered more, some of that I think is that
it's hard for them to sort and process when a family member wrings them AND if that family member manipulates them into forgiveness, by bribery, etc.
which is what our abuser did...so...
Wise as a serpent harmless as a dove...doves WILL defend themselves, but they don't crow like the Raven (scream, etc) but coo, and laugh. But by no
means are they dumb either, and add wise serpent to that, well serpents are quiet, keep to themselves but are VERY observant...they see a lot what
other animals don't see, so
I hope your brother gets the help he needs while in the system...but more, I hope you and your son heal and can grow and something good come out of
all this for both of you...