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From darkness to light; an epiphany of perspective & focus, a re-dedication of myself to ATS...

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posted on May, 1 2013 @ 05:03 PM
Hi Everyone,

I've been on ATS for several years now. I had a different username a long while back, but as FITO I've been here since around 2010. In my life I've had some very surreal experiences, and many very dark & negative experiences. All of which led me onto a path of soul-searching that was fulfilled when I became a Christian, having found no solace or deliverance from darkness in any other spiritual ideology.

That's not the meaning of my thread title though. Something happened today, literally a few short hours ago, that has led me to reassess my involvement on ATS, and in a wider sense, my involvement in all aspects of everyday reality.

I generally consider myself a fairly positive person in ordinary daily life, in spite of serious limitations and struggles with my health - namely severe chronic pain caused by a degenerative spinal condition, which also significantly impacts my mobility. This evening, I had a significant and sudden worsening of my condition, which left me keenly aware that I may be heading towards the prognosis given a while back, that of paraplegia, a lot sooner than I had hoped. I basically lost almost all use of my left leg in the space of two minutes. From having a strangely 'disconnected' feeling in terms of how I perceive my 'relationship' with my left leg, to a sudden loss of its usefulness in terms of supporting my weight, in the space of two minutes. My right leg had been near-useless for a long time already, and so I have needed to overburden my left leg in that time, in addition to using a crutch.

This evening, I had to use two crutches to take even a single step, and the pain in my lower back & legs was even wore than usual, so it's been a fairly traumatic time. After I got the hang of moving a few steps, I found myself reassuring my wife, father and aunt, who were naturally worried:

"Don't worry, it could be worse. I could have no legs at all."

As I write, I'm laid on my bed, and have had time to reflect on the fact that I have such limited movement, and have seemingly edged closer towards paralysis. I thought about the victims of the Boston bombing. I know that some of them must be having a really hard time adjusting to the loss of limbs, their inability to move as they desire to, etc. I realised that many of them will be reassuring family members that it could have been worse, in spite of their horrendous injuries.

I've often focused on what I perceive to be evil elements of our society, forces or people or ideologies that cause harm, and in my time on ATS I frequently argue against such things as flawed theology, or against 'hidden hand' groups that use false flag terror attacks to further agendas, or against the scheming of the elite & political puppets to rig the economy in their favour. I spend hours a day focused on really negative, brutal and generally unpleasant things. And as I lay here thinking about my legs, and their refusal to work properly - and yet about how it 'could be worse', I decided that I would deliberately look on the bright side for a while.

In Christ's teaching, we are told to expose & thwart the works of darkness - but we are also told to give thanks for our blessings. I've done that in day to day life, but on ATS? Not so much.

I therefore choose to give thanks & share good news, more often than I grapple with the fruits of the abyss.

ATS, I dedicate this song to all of you, and I commit to being more positive from now on:

posted on May, 1 2013 @ 05:10 PM
I take my hat off for u sir, if only more people would try to think like this (including myself) the world would be a better place. Inspiring attitude flagged as I cannot star yet I think

posted on May, 1 2013 @ 05:21 PM
reply to post by FlyInTheOintment

It's so good to see you again. Thank you for an inspirational thread. I'm thinking that there is plenty of work to do, in terms of revealing darkness. Now seems like a really good time to subject most of our cultural sacred-cows to some very severe (and comical) revisionist scrutiny.

Welcome back, Sir Knight.

posted on May, 1 2013 @ 05:24 PM
FITO, that is one of the most touching things I've read here on ATS. Thank you for sharing your story and for making a point about focusing on the negative. I think many of us here tend to do it and it's inspiring to see you deciding to make that change. Maybe it will rub off on some of the rest of us!

posted on May, 1 2013 @ 05:34 PM
reply to post by FlyInTheOintment

It may mean little to you, but there are others out here, as well, that fight the battle you describe and acknowledge and recognize every second you gave to exposing what you describe, in light of faith and want of the betterment of the human condition: to warn what is coming their way, what is happening daily, that they should know and "peel the scales from their eyes...."

For my part, I commend you. I don't know if being more positive will help. I have tried this, too; it did little good. But what I commend most about what you experience, is the rresultant pain and disability and betrayal of your body and sticking with what you believe, despite whatever price this may incur.

I have had three back surgeries, myself, and am also a chronic pain patient. My back is fused at three levels withh a bone graft from my hip. That was many years ago. After, I spent years in a gym, on the stairmaster, 45 m., then weight training, tried to cover all the bases, no matter how painful....and went on to a recovery where I worked professionally in the horse industry again, as an athlete and teacher.

That's long gone now. And I was warned when I reached my ripe age of fifty or so that the pain would become again unbearable, and my limitations would catch up with me.. They have. Right on cue. And coincidentally, I have written against the same that you have. And yes, these fights for survival are definitely connected.

I do what you described in your OP. I try hard to think of my blessings on a daily basis. I don't focus on whether the latest horror in the news, such as the Boston bombings is a false flag or faked or whatever. I simply strive to be informed, and keep speaking about what I know to be true, from my own experience, pain, and price paid.....
what else can we do?

Having said that, I am out here in internet-land telling you to grit your teeth to the pain, and strive to survive another day, for surely we will receive the blessings Christ outlined for us if we carried on the battle in his name, and suffered to save others.....

Not that I have, but that I believe from your OP that you have. And there are those out here who hear you and care that you suffer, and take comfort for your thinking of others, still.....

posted on May, 1 2013 @ 05:38 PM
reply to post by FlyInTheOintment

I just have to say that I am...
for you and your message. You have given to me the gift of a wonderful reminder in be grateful. Your message of love and perseverance shines through!

posted on May, 1 2013 @ 11:58 PM
What a beautiful upbeat thread. Thanks FITO.

My husband suffers from degenerative disc disease. It's awful when one of his disc's bulge and he's immobilized to bed. He's still young, so his degeneration is in it's early stages - so he's careful at work and at play. He knows by watching his father and older sister, how bad it is going to get as time marches on. It's such a difficult situation, especially in coping with the pain.

My thoughts and blessings go out to you.

I too try to insert optimism and positive hopes and ideas into discussions and debates. I don't always succeed - I'm imperfect. Human. I like to think of my self as balanced. A mediator. A bridge. A person mid-way in extremes - looking at both sides and trying to find a peaceful and positive way to dissolve differences and break down the walls of separation. I can't seem to help it. It's the position I was taught to take - and I teach my children to take that position to. You work to resolve the problem peacefully - and only fight - when it is forced upon you.

But truth be told FITO - I already saw you as a positive soul - a soul residing in the light.


posted on May, 2 2013 @ 12:11 AM
I have mild spinal stenosis which sucks and hurts. Great post! Thanks for the inspiration!

posted on May, 2 2013 @ 08:11 AM
Thank you all for such lovely comments. I was extremely moved to read all of your kind words - to be honest I didn't expect such a response, I tend to worry a lot about how I'm perceived and due to my usual topics of interest and efforts to combat the people who don't care about truth, I typically end up in arguments here, so it's such a nice change to read only positive responses to my thoughts as expressed on ATS.

God bless, I will be sure to respond individually to each of your posts soon.


posted on May, 2 2013 @ 09:42 AM
It must be incredibly difficult to be positive when in pain all the time and frustratin when the body doesn't work like you want it to. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this, but admire your resolve to be positive through it all.

Your body is in a severe state of Vitamin C deficiency. I will provide some medical documentation to show you that you seriously need to research Vitamin C.

I am not talking about daily vitamin C supplements.

I am talking about massively high doses of vitamin C that you can only get through IV from a doctor.

Doses that most doctors won't give you... but I highly encourage you to seek out a naturalpathic or alternative doctor in your area. This will not be covered by medical insurance, but it also shouldn't be prohibatively expensive.

Or you can buy vitamin c powder and titrate yourself up to large doses. All the info is in the link.


“I was disabled to the point of being unable to put on my own socks and underwear. My 4- and 8-year-old sons had to help me get dressed every day.” (For the rest of this case story, please scroll down nearly to the bottom of this page.)


A lack of vitamin C is specifically involved in the cause and progression of chronic back problems such as sciatica and spinal stenosis. The premise is basic: long-term inadequacy of vitamin C causes weak spinal disks.

Without enough vitamin C, the body is unable to make collagen, the protein glue that holds cells together. When the cells of a cartilaginous intervertebral disk are not holding together, the disk will degenerate, rupture, herniate, or “slip.” There is a lot of body weight on the bones of your lower back. When you flex and move, and the disks are weak or worn down, the bones can compress nerves emerging from the sides. If only one or two disks are involved, it may result in the characteristic back and leg pain called sciatica.

...One of the great proponents of massive dose vitamin C therapy was Dr. Robert F. Cathcart III, an orthopedic surgeon. One might want to think on that for a long moment. Cathcart, the inventor of a widely used hip replacement prosthetic, advocated doses of vitamin C, often in excess of 100,000 mg per day, to reduce severe inflammation. In decades of practice, he safely and effectively administered such treatment to tens of thousands of patients.


Please read the link above. It is a long article with additional links and medical information.

I wish you a life free of pain and a fully functioning body... it is within your reach.

edit on 2-5-2013 by Julie Washington because: (no reason given)

posted on May, 2 2013 @ 10:39 AM
reply to post by Julie Washington

That's very interesting. However, the only possible way that my particular problems can be remedied is through a complex series of surgical procedures carried out by a neurosurgeon. This is because the damage is already done, and it is simply a matter of time until paraplegia becomes a reality - unless these surgical procedures are successful.

I'm waiting to see the surgeon for assessment on the suitability of surgical intervention, and hope to be under the knife later in the year.

I suppose it is quite possible that the use of 'mega-doses' of vitamin C is a useful preventative measure to avoid problems with discs, or to reduce minor inflammation, but I assure you it cannot fix my problems. I haven't actually shared the detail of my spinal condition in this thread, so I would tentatively suggest that you shouldn't go around promising anyone & everyone who mentions spinal problems that vitamin C can cure them. It's inappropriate, in all truth, and medically suspect, to presumptuously 'diagnose' a deficiency online, and to promise that sufferers of severely nasty spinal conditions (the detail of which you do not know) can 'cure themselves' of a degeneration to paralysis by following your 'one size fits all' advice.

I'm sorry, I know you mean well. However, offering what amounts to false hope to already very unwell people, perhaps those who are unable to discern the medical facts involved and thus put themselves at risk by following your advice, is basically extremely irresponsible.

Thanks for the kind sentiment though.

posted on May, 2 2013 @ 11:04 AM
reply to post by FlyInTheOintment

I am saddened by your response. I don't go about throwing out the vitamin c cureal lightly.

Of course not knowing exactly what your medical condition is, regardless, vitamin c could still be very helpful to you.

My mother recently broke her neck at c2 & c3. She had an incomplete fracture with a spinal injury that left her very weak on her left side and surgery that fused her c2 - c7. The doctors are extremely impressed with her healing and progress. In 6 weeks she is walking. Her left leg is already back to normal and has 50% back in her left arm. I am treating her with vitamin C.

I had the privilege to meet with the doctor who treated Christopher Reeves for his spinal injury after preparing a thesis paper regarding vitamin c therapy and paralysis and spinal injury. He was extremenly interested in my research and contacted me to meet with me. He is currently working research to prove my theory correct.

Vitamin C has been proved to cure Polio, MS and other debilitating, paralyctic type diseases. It is also very useful in pain management.

I understand how vitamin c can simply be dismissed as being too simplistic to be believable.

It is your choice, I just thought I would share something that I thought could potentially help you.

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