Today, the closest person in my life died...

Today i lost my grandmother who practically raised me. She saved me from adoption and took care of me when my parents couldnt. I was at work and got a phone call and text message from my father telling me to get my brother from work and come home. I knew exactly what was going on, my grandmother has been suffering from heart failure and Alzheimers. I got my brother and took him immediately to where she was being taken care of. When i got there i asked where she was and if i could see her. My uncle told me where she was and without hesitation i walked to her. I wish someone had stopped me because what i saw was horrifying.

Let me reiterate what i just said, it was horrifying. I saw her laying on the bed lifeless with her mouth and eyes wide open and i had to walk away as fast as possible i couldnt handle it. That image is now burned into my subconscious. It literally made my heart drop out from under me.

This experience is truly teaching me the value of life and putting a lot of things into perspective. I read a lot about grounding yourself and im telling you i am grounded right now. All this mumbo jumbo falls to the wayside. Right now im reevaluating everything i believe. I dont know what to think. Whats real and what isnt. I had a dream about this 2 nights ago.

Is she in heaven right now watching me type this? I dont know... she believed in heaven, she was a devout catholic.

My spiritual sense of self right now is just, i dont know how to put it, gone. Im talking to her now throughout the day asking her to come to me, to come to me and let me know if she is ok. I dont know how im going to replace her in my life. I hope she comes to me in my dreams tonight.

Thank you for reading this.

I wrote this because it is helping me cope with this loss.

Sorry for your loss.

What were her last words?

RIP

My condolences. Ive been in a very similar situation, and I agree, those images stay with you forever. It is very tough.

My thoughts are with you.

reply to post by below


I dont know shes been sleeping on medication for over a week.

Im going for a walk and to get some food, i will respond later after further contemplation. Thanks for any and all responses.

Im going for a walk and to get some food, i will respond later after further contemplation. Thanks for any and all responses.

My condolences to you. Leave yourself open tonight and I hope she will visit you. When my father died recently, quiet a long and painful death, he came to my mind and appeared quite happy and at peace. That vision put me at peace.

I'm very sorry for the loss of your grandmother. I had a very similar visual experience when my wife died, and it's not an easy thing to get over, but things do get easier in time, particularly as we focus on the positive roles that our loved ones, both living and passed on, play in our lives, all the time.

About the only thing that I'll add is to keep your mind and eyes open and you may be blessed with a sign of assurance that, as Corinthians tells us, love never dies.

God bless, and very sorry for your loss again.

reply to post by onequestion

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother, she sounded like a very special person to have taken you in and raised you. Take care of yourself, her life was probably more blessed with you in it. You seem like you loved her a lot.

reply to post by onequestion


Im sorry to hear that..
In 2001, I was living in Idaho with two young children and I gotta call that said I needed to get to Dallas as soon as I could because my Grandma was dying. Everyone else in my family was there except me and she told my mom that she wasnt "leaving" until she saw me one last time.
I couldnt afford to fly us, so drove, 28 hours, non stop with a 4 and 8 year old, it was hell.. lol.
I finally made it and walked into the care unit, she was still alive but looked terrible, the image still haunts me.
I held her hand, told her I made it and that I loved her and she took her last breath about 10 minutes later.
Truly one of the saddest days in my life.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm facing an almost identical situation. But, I do envy you your proximity...

Originally posted by kosmicjack
I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm facing an almost identical situation. But, I do envy you your proximity. I'm half a country away with two children, one still breast feeding.

I feel totally helpless. I feel so guilty.

She was there for me, and yet I'm not there for her...

not to steal attention from the OP, but a little tidbit for you to remember:
Just because you cant physically be there with her, does not mean you cannot be there for her. Keep her in your thoughts. Make sure she knows you love her.

My thoughts are with you, as well.

It's a bitch when you get attached to a person and they die. I hate when that happens. My sympathy is to you, I do not need to feel bad for her, just for those who loved her. She has gone to another place full of peace. Someday we will all go there and rest.

reply to post by onequestion


I have no words, but I'm sending you well wishes. Truly sorry for your loss, and if you ever need to vent I'm here.

Hugs to you.

smylee

Originally posted by kosmicjack
I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm facing an almost identical situation. But, I do envy you your proximity. I'm half a country away with two children, one still breast feeding.

I feel totally helpless. I feel so guilty.

She was there for me, and yet I'm not there for her...

You're there in spirit....and I'm sure she knows that.

Sorry for your situation. Wish I could offer more than just words.

Hugs to you.

smylee

My dad died in January at 62 years old it hurts like hell to lose some one you love.
I don't think the hurt will ever go away really.. but I can tell you it gets easier with time .

My condolences to you and your family. It is painful watching someone you care about become afflicted with and then pass from Alzheimer's disease. When my grandmother and great uncle passed from it, it's not something you want to see, or even remember them being that way. You want to remember them as they were before they became ill.

What I try to do is block those memories of them being ill, and only keep the memories of them when they were healthy.

I'm sorry for your loss. I also want you to know that you shouldn't apologize for posting this here. Everyone needs to have an outlet to get things off of their chest. We are a family of like-minded individuals here.

So, thank you for sharing your personal story. My heart goes out to you.

reply to post by captaintyinknots


Thanks.

Didn't mean to threadjack...just commiserate and support onequestion.

Originally posted by kosmicjack
reply to post by captaintyinknots

 

Thanks.

Didn't mean to threadjack...just commiserate and support onequestion.