I'm So Tired

Smile Smyleegrl, even when you don't "feel" like it.

But more important is to cultivate "awareness" of all your feelings and their rhythms. Bleak emotional times are only unbearable when one fights the mood. The quiet backwaters of the emotional life are not without their rewarding revelations, if we give them a chance to reveal.

reply to post by smyleegrl


We have wonderful herbal medicines that can take you off your anti-depressant medication and can cure your fatigue as well as other problems.

Our system of medicine is called 'Ayurved'. You can send me a message if you are interested.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Sounds like you are very close to a great epiphany or awakening of some sort. I was on meds for depression in 2006 and didn't like the way they made me feel. In the spring of that year I attended a Chi Gong retreat. I quit taking the meds on the 1st day of the retreat and haven't looked back since. I think you feel the way you do is partly due to the fact you see just how senseless things in the normal world are. IE ..you are awakening. Blessings to you on your journey and consider yourself fortunate.....many people waste an entire lifetime and don't GET IT!

reply to post by smyleegrl


Here's an idea:
Why be sad when you can be happy?
Why feel bloated instead of ripping off a huge loud fart?

See, life's much better spent enjoying it. Why don't you?

reply to post by smyleegrl

You'v been here for some time, I recognized your current avatar right off. I'v always thought your comments pretty level headed, and always thought your posts and participation a benefit here at ATS.

Autism is a difficult proposition to deal with. I have a neighbor Lady who has twins, now 9 years old, and one has autism, the other does not. She was active sexually as a youth and her pregnancy's began when she was 15, so at 16, her first was born, then I think 4? years later came the twins. Her entire family, her Mom, Dad, Brothers and Husband are pretty nice folks, but I have to say a bit too NY and nuts. Loud, boisterous, sometimes coarse and rude, but I like them just the same, nothing I wouldn't do to help them in any way. And it's reciprocated as well.

I won't list all the attributes of them, but as for her , I know she was a party hound from a little past 14 or so. Never the less, with one twin with, and one twin without, I take pause in considering whether or not that lifestyle was a direct result in the one sons autism..? What I'm getting at, you well might not be responsible in your child's case, there is reasonable room for doubt.

From the start of the year, world events have worn heavy on all of us. The life and values we possessed growing up have shifted towards the latest generation, and a lot of what they see as the norm, to us seems a moral and social decay. Our perceived views sadly are unable to be passed on to the current generation, and we see the fabric of America unraveling so to speak. And that seems nother depressing turn of events.

And the weather gloom in the air, wishing that bright sunny spring days would arrive in earnest. I wish I had the words to cheer you up, and impart a smile on your face...... and I imagine other members here would wish the same, as you have become one of the regulars here, and you count, your important to us. Let grace follow you through life and hold on to the moments that count.

reply to post by smyleegrl


You are a very intelligent and I believe nice person, sometimes we cant help but feel the world has got on top of us but it sounds to me what you need is a break, something adventuress not too adventuress but enough to give you a fresh aspect, I was always a coward being a real home lover but my old friend (sadly we are no longer friends as he broke my trust over a very important personal matter that netted him money) went off and explored Europe with a backpack and not very much money, he met his first wife and later moved to Sweden, I know that is a bit extreme but a holiday some were exotic not just to get away from the job but meet new people in an environment other than the class room.

The grey feeling will pass but right now the horizon may seem a very long way away, it is not trust me on that and remember there is only one of you so you are infinitely valuable, never let anybody else especially yourself tell you any different.

Sometimes we just need fresh horizon's, even if it is only a holiday to get away for a while and when we return the trick is to not pick up were we left off but to treat it as a new start.

God bless.

I'm pretty damn bored of life myself. For the last year I've been trying to have a child with my significant other...we've had 2 miscarriages and so far it doesn't look like it will happen. Being a dad was something I knew I was meant to be, but somehow it didn't happen.

I'm 34 and have been married and divorced. Been working at the same job for 12 years now. I have stable income, no debt to speak of and generally have a stress free life. Yet, I'm stir crazy. I have the same routine every day. I stare at a computer all day and stare at a tablet PC all night. We either watch TV or go out to dinner. That's the extent of it.

Las Vegas is our only real escape from the routine, but we can only afford to do that every couple months.

All I know is something needs to change soon or I'm going to get myself in trouble and I really don't want to lose my woman.

Hi Smyleegrl - I recommend this documentary, about a family who has a boy with autism which becomes problematic for them and so they travel across the world as a last resort to find some help.



Anyways, hope you are feeling better. I've come off antidepressants before years ago, it was no fun to go through at the time, but in my case at least i'm quite glad i did it, although it wasn't seroquel.

Peace. ~

reply to post by Battlefresh


Please there are many innocent kid's in need of loving parent's, I'm just saying consider it, If you love this woman you are with and she also want's to be a mother don't blame her or yourself just consider the other possibility's and remember you don't have to get her pregnant to be a father and she does not need to get pregnant to be a mother, it is a bit strange at first as you would feel you were taking somebody else's kid but You would be there father and they would be your Son or Daughter.

It is a hard world and if you have that love to give there are kid's who need it.

Originally posted by Battlefresh
I'm pretty damn bored of life myself. For the last year I've been trying to have a child with my significant other...we've had 2 miscarriages and so far it doesn't look like it will happen. Being a dad was something I knew I was meant to be, but somehow it didn't happen.

I'm 34 and have been married and divorced. Been working at the same job for 12 years now. I have stable income, no debt to speak of and generally have a stress free life. Yet, I'm stir crazy. I have the same routine every day. I stare at a computer all day and stare at a tablet PC all night. We either watch TV or go out to dinner. That's the extent of it.

Las Vegas is our only real escape from the routine, but we can only afford to do that every couple months.

All I know is something needs to change soon or I'm going to get myself in trouble and I really don't want to lose my woman.

I completely understand.

I was always told I'd never be able to have children. Which is why, when I turned up preggers at the age of 31, it was a HUGE shock.

Since the birth of my son, we've tried and tried to have another. Fertility treatments didn't work, we had to stop because they cost too much. Now I'm 38, so I'm trying to accept the fact that there will be no more babies.

It's a hard blow. And yes, there's adoption....but it's not the same as having your own child.

I hope things get better for you, and that you experience your own little miracle.

Hugs,
smylee

reply to post by smyleegrl


I am tired of it all too smiley. All of it. I've been trying hard to figure it out but I guess I won't know it all until I die. I have read about many near death experiences where everyone says all is revealed to you upon death but it is not something that you can easily relate to others in words. I can't wait to feel the love and the joy and the bliss they all talk about. It has to be something wonderful and amazing. It has to be better than all of this. There is too much negativity, hate, cruelness, ugliness in the world. Nothing is fair and nothing even tries to be it seems like.

I am sitting here typing this in a broken ass body that used to be fine a year or two ago. I was 6'2 and 205 lbs and solid muscle. Now an 8 year old girl could kick my ass easy. Friggin cancer even though I beat it it still took everything from me. I made a good living as a pipeline surveyor and before that I was an M1A1 Abrams crewman for the US Army for 8 long years. I made it through two wars that I saw several of my friends get blown up. Sometime I helped pick up parts of other people that died. Sometimes I saw them die, sometimes I just helped police up the parts of them that was left. Now I am here through the damned cancer.

So two wars, an illness that was supposed to be terminal, a lifetime riddled with drug and alcohol abuse. And I'm still here. I'm not dead yet when I have known so many that are. And what drives me the craziest is I can't figure out why. Why is it the so many other people with kids and families and people that loved them were called home and my stupid ass is still here? Sgt. Bingham. Sgt. cook, SSGT. Staley, Sfc. Barnett. I could go on. Just naming their names makes me remember them. I just dont know man. Nobody can answer that kind of question and living with it is consuming me. I just want a purpose. Something that makes me feel like a being.

My sisters and my mom are still there. My dad died last year and my wife just left me after she stuck with me for 12 years and I feel like I have lost my best friend. What the hell do I do now? She was with me ever since high school and so much of me has changed since then and nobody is gonna want my cancer ridden nightmare having mood swing ass because I'm old and broken body now. I refuse to take the medicine the VA shrinks try to give me. I tried it before and I came really close to killing myself and hurting others and I will not go down that road again. I can't work my old job because my body won't let me, I am on disability and it sucks ass, I want to work but i don't know what the hell to do. Jobs are scarce as hell when you live in a poor state like Louisiana.

So what comes next? I have no idea. But I'm really sick of it all. I find myself wishing more and more that if i can not find a purpose in life then maybe I can find one in death. In fact that has been my number one prayer lately is to have a death with a purpose because I can't seem to have a life with one. I don't understand this crazy place. People say things to me like, "Oh my!!!! You are lucky to be alive!!!" and I guess I should be. But the fact is I am not. I am wondering why the hell I am still here when I should have died several times by now. I guess that sounds ungrateful. And it probably is. I am just do damn tired of it all. I'm gonna go get a beer and a cigar. If you figure it out man, let me know.

reply to post by Cancerwarrior


Wow, hon.

I feel like a total sham to be complaining about my life, when you are really going through hell. I'm so sorry. I wish I had something helpful or enlightening to say, but I don't.

If you ever feel the need to talk, I'm here.

Hugs to you,

smylee

reply to post by smyleegrl


Its not a good idea to get drunk and post stuff. I honestly don't even remember writing anything last night. I did'nt mean to sound so full of self pity when I should be grateful to be alive. I've still got my house, my truck and my dogs. That's more than alot of people have.

I have read alot of your posts and threads and I think you are a good person and have a big heart. I think this world takes more of a toll on good people while the liars and sociopaths seem to do just fine. Keep your head up smylee, thanks for the nice words. God bless.

reply to post by Cancerwarrior


Nope, nope, not good to drink that party liquor before postin', nope. I've spotted many a post spawned from that condition ... unfortunately, some seemed to be mine. Yes, sir ...unfortunately. In the words of Early, "Son, there's every chance in the world I was drunk when I said that."

I've never been able to NOT remember what I've done when skunk drunk. Which is why I haven't had a drop of tequila since 1991. Yes, 1991, remember it very well.

Well, warrior. you've got your house, truck and dogs, and, yes, that's good. I left a bad marriage, real bad marriage, years ago with nothing but some clothes and a car. The only things I had left were my self-respect and dignity, so I had to leave to save those. Since then, I've re-acquired a house, and Life has been good. No dogs, just a cat and a great husband, the Good One. And he has a truck. So Life is good.

A sailor has to know how to sail in both good and bad seas, as somewhere out there is a storm to go through to get to where you're going. Warrior, you've had your share of rough seas. You've come through. Keep helping others when you can, teach others how to survive like you have.

Sometimes, though, the seas are such that even the best rescuers can't save the person. It's painful to the core to have happen, but it happens. We're not in charge of the sea, only ourself.

It's also like beezer said in a prior post, " ...focus on doing the good that you could, not doing everything that you see."

gotta end here, but, in honor of Smyleegrl, another quote from Early: "School? Ain't dat da damn place where they got all dem uhh lets see, whatcha call um uhh? Fold outs covered in scriblins wrote up all over."

keep on truckin', and laughin'