"How many of you got your asses whipped and what was the philosophy of your household?"

My father was a push over when it came to whippings. He liked the belt but it was more for show than he used it. When he did get angry enough to hit me he would only do it once. He stopped trying after I was around 12. That's when I started to tower over him. I'm like a foot taller than my dad so that was intimidating to him I'm sure.

One time my sister and I had gotten into it (bickering mostly, I never hit her) so dad had enough and stepped in and swung at me with his fist. The only time he had done so. I caught his fist in my hand and held it while smiling at him. He couldn't help but start laughing at me. Again, i was a lot bigger than him. I took after my moms brothers who all stand over 6 ft. .

Mom on the other hand was a savage when angry and drunk. Belt, broom stick, fist, etc. It didn't matter with her. I feared her when she went off. She was a drinker in those days so every time she picked up the bottle I found myself becoming a ghost. I steered clear. Even the police knew her. She was the one they approached with caution because she had attacked a few of them on different occasions. Quite the brawler. I've witnessed neighborhood women cross the street just so they didn't cross her path. No joke.

Mostly I learn what not to do from my older brother. I would do the opposite of him and that usually was the right thing to do.

My father was Catholic and my mother has never claimed a religion except a little know doctrine called 'kick-yo-ass'.

I was spanked until I was old enough to be grounding from anything substantial. My kids get a time out or lose toys the first time. If it is disrespectful and repeated, it is followed by a swat with a wooden spoon. We never spank them while we are angry or out of anger. They are always told why and then reminded what is expected of them.

reply to post by BattlePlastic

it is followed by a swat with a wooden spoon.

Why not just the flat of your open hand? In my opinion, the smack to the bottom with an open hand is meant more to "surprise" than to injure. My mom liked the "wooden spoon" thing, too. She rarely used it, though, just used to wave it at us when we'd get rowdy. That was enough to work.

I'm glad to hear you use time-outs and loss of toys, privileges, etc. Bribing and withholding favorite things work MUCH better than beating. Any day of the week.
Love and Logic.

Originally posted by wildtimes
reply to post by BattlePlastic

 

it is followed by a swat with a wooden spoon.

Why not just the flat of your open hand? In my opinion, the smack to the bottom with an open hand is meant more to "surprise" than to injure. My mom liked the "wooden spoon" thing, too. She rarely used it, though, just used to wave it at us when we'd get rowdy. That was enough to work.

I'm glad to hear you use time-outs and loss of toys, privileges, etc. Bribing and withholding favorite things work MUCH better than beating. Any day of the week.
Love and Logic.

This is what I was taught by my own grandmother and mother as the only thing acceptable. This was also in the days where spanking wasn't frowned upon as greatly as it is today. Anything other than an open hand swat - specifically aimed for the derriere - is abuse. I was also taught that anything more than three open hand swats to the butt in one act of discipline - is abuse. Any time a person picks up an object to use instead of their open hand - is abuse. Then I was taught that spankings are reserved for those times when they almost killed themselves or another - is the only time a spanking is acceptable. All other discipline is to be the corner/time-out (I make them stand. What's the punishment in letting them sit?) or loss of privilege.

But then, thinking of my brother's younger years and the hell he put my mother through. Sometimes I think a well place belt on his ass might have gave him pause. We rarely got spankings, and so it is with my own children. They rarely get spankings. Once, my oldest when a little tike, was going to run across the street to get a ball kicked across. I yelled for her to wait, I would get it. But she had other ideas and went to dart across the road to retrieve the ball. I pulled her back at the last second. I almost lost her. She got an open handed swat on the butt for that one. I was so scared. I didn't let her out of the house for a week, and she never attempted to cross the road again. She'd yell for me, "Mom, I kicked the ball across the road again." It makes my heart race just thinking of how close she came to getting hit by a car.

I always thought, everyone was taught that way when I was younger. I know now that's not the case. Which is why we have cps, to respond to those cases where discipline has slipped over into abuse.

Cirque

Originally posted by CirqueDeTruth

Originally posted by wildtimes
reply to post by BattlePlastic

 

it is followed by a swat with a wooden spoon.

Why not just the flat of your open hand? In my opinion, the smack to the bottom with an open hand is meant more to "surprise" than to injure. My mom liked the "wooden spoon" thing, too. She rarely used it, though, just used to wave it at us when we'd get rowdy. That was enough to work.

I'm glad to hear you use time-outs and loss of toys, privileges, etc. Bribing and withholding favorite things work MUCH better than beating. Any day of the week.
Love and Logic.

This is what I was taught by my own grandmother and mother as the only thing acceptable. This was also in the days where spanking wasn't frowned upon as greatly as it is today. Anything other than an open hand swat - specifically aimed for the derriere - is abuse. I was also taught that anything more than three open hand swats to the butt in one act of discipline - is abuse. Any time a person picks up an object to use instead of their open hand - is abuse. Then I was taught that spankings are reserved for those times when they almost killed themselves or another - is the only time a spanking is acceptable. All other discipline is to be the corner/time-out (I make them stand. What's the punishment in letting them sit?) or loss of privilege.

But then, thinking of my brother's younger years and the hell he put my mother through. Sometimes I think a well place belt on his ass might have gave him pause. We rarely got spankings, and so it is with my own children. They rarely get spankings. Once, my oldest when a little tike, was going to run across the street to get a ball kicked across. I yelled for her to wait, I would get it. But she had other ideas and went to dart across the road to retrieve the ball. I pulled her back at the last second. I almost lost her. She got an open handed swat on the butt for that one. I was so scared. I didn't let her out of the house for a week, and she never attempted to cross the road again. She'd yell for me, "Mom, I kicked the ball across the road again." It makes my heart race just thinking of how close she came to getting hit by a car.

I always thought, everyone was taught that way when I was younger. I know now that's not the case. Which is why we have cps, to respond to those cases where discipline has slipped over into abuse.

Cirque

I use a single swat from a wooden spoon because I believe hitting your child with your bare hands is abuse. I wont judge what you consider abuse as we will have a difference of opinion. To me, I would rather my children refer to a wooden spoon as a symbol of discipline rather that the same hands that tuck them in at night.

I'm 24 and not American, thus my parents are civilised. I never had my ass whipped. Child beating is unacceptable and carried out by sick people who hide behind a wall of cultural garbage. No morals. No ethics. Animals, effectively.

Well. I don't think I ever learned from the discipline. Before the hitting began, my father always asked, "What did you do?" I never answered. I always kept my mouth shut and just took the hits. Honestly, it just made me a tougher, angrier kid.

The discipline was this: I would sit on my knees and keep my arms/back straight. My arms would be up in the air and if any of my arms or back was bent, I'd be expecting a scolding or extra hitting.

My dad would use anything... Clothes hanger, wood spoon, spatula, mop stick, back scratcher, and a wrench to my brother once. One time, my brother and I got into a fight which ended up with both of us locked outside the house in our boxers in snowy weather.

However, I understand why my dad did what he did in that particular fashion. I know it pained him to discipline me that way and it pained to see it not work.

reply to post by DelayedChristmas


That's pretty extreme bro. Did he ever say why he went to such extremes?

reply to post by GrandStrategy

I'm 24 and not American, thus my parents are civilised.

You're also under the delusion that this only happens in America. Why don't you educate yourself in the rest of the world and you'll see that other countries kill their children when they do something they don't accept.

Look in to 'honor killings' to help get you started.

reply to post by CirqueDeTruth

EXACTLY! That's what I was taught, and also learned from studying parenting skills while I was pregnant.

My son at ages 2-3-4 gave my daughter and my little "ward" (I was her nanny) a hard time, too. Sometimes I would lift him up and carry him to his room and toss him onto his bed. But yeah, I hear you, totally.

I hate that I even did that much, but....we're human. We're doing our best. Most of us, at least.
Unfortunately, VERY unfortunately, kids don't come with instructions, and far too few people do take the time to learn appropriate and non-violent skills.

reply to post by DelayedChristmas


That's horrible!!

Wow. I'm sorry. I hate to hear people say, "I deserved it." NO ONE deserves to be beaten as a kid.

I was raised in a strict Catholic home. A facade really, as it was more of presenting the perfect picture to the outside world. Something apparently very important to my Mother.

What went on behind closed doors, stayed behind closed doors. Punishment was very physical, brutal at times, and unwarranted.

Not really having much to compare it to, I thought it was the norm in all families. It wasn't until some much needed therapy as an adult, did I completely begin to understand that my upbringing was not normal. When detailing my punishments as a child to my therapist, just seeing the look of shock on her face was an eye opening experience for me.

I've never stuck my own child when she was growing up...never struck her at all, except once a mild swat on her bottom when she was about 6 years old...the guilt I felt from that, made me never do it again.

The cycle of violence can only be broken by choosing to not use physical violence as punishment. I don't presume to know what other parents have to deal with in disciplining their own children. From what I do understand. corporal punishment within reason, is the only lesson that works.

Just my .02 Des

reply to post by shrevegal


This is a horror story for a childhood. I'm so sad that you went through that, shrevegal.
boo hiss on the treatment you got.

Originally posted by DelayedChristmas
Well. I don't think I ever learned from the discipline. Before the hitting began, my father always asked, "What did you do?" I never answered. I always kept my mouth shut and just took the hits. Honestly, it just made me a tougher, angrier kid.

The discipline was this: I would sit on my knees and keep my arms/back straight. My arms would be up in the air and if any of my arms or back was bent, I'd be expecting a scolding or extra hitting.

My dad would use anything... Clothes hanger, wood spoon, spatula, mop stick, back scratcher, and a wrench to my brother once. One time, my brother and I got into a fight which ended up with both of us locked outside the house in our boxers in snowy weather.

However, I understand why my dad did what he did in that particular fashion. I know it pained him to discipline me that way and it pained to see it not work.

Let me paint this picture a little clearer. When he asked me, "What did you do," it was to make me realize the wrong decision I made, which was resorting to violence with my step brother. I never replied or said anything though. I just kept my mouth shut the majority of times; I think it was a coping mechanism I learned while dealing with the death of my mom.

My oldest, biological brother took the brunt of the discipline while growing; I never got the wrench but he did one day for being late to school one day. This was during the time my brother started skipping classes from a pretty prestigious private academy that one would have to pass certain tests to be accepted into. My family had also moved to the mainlands for the sake of education. My father was less disciplinary with me than my oldest brother because, as my dad puts it, he got old and I grew up too quick.

And the snowy weather part was just mild snow fall but it was sooooo cold and windy that day. My step brother and I got into another fight over who got the remote control, lol.

Also, my dad grew up in the poor rural areas in South Korea in the 50's. This type of disciplinary action was commonplace, especially the whole kneeling and raising the arms straight thing, and this is what he grew up with. I think the entire kneeling on the ground and raising my arms made me a good football player growing up with all my core muscles stronger than the rest of the kids' muscles.

The brat whacker, lol ~

My parents had a paddle lovingly made from some sort of wood with the black magic marker of "board of education" scrolled down the front of it.

My parents weren't religious so nor was our upbringing - just a set of morals where you know what is right and what is wrong.

Originally posted by wildtimes
reply to post by NOTurTypical

 

Hahaha. That's hilarious.

! I think It's sad.

I was referring to the "buns of steel" comment.

Not only did parents use corporal punishment back in the day, but so did the teachers and principals at schools. Who got wacked at school?

oh... yeah, I got whacked at school. Twice.

The first time, it was because... well, I was 8, and at my school there was a mud house that had been built by the year 10 class. One lunchtime, a kid in my class dared me to pee in it... so I did. Not very smart. That one got me a whip with a belt on both hands... 10x on each hand. Hurt like hell and meant I couldn't really do much in class that afternoon.

The second time... I was IN year 10, and I wore a jacket to school over my uniform. It was only about 2 degrees celcius, and our uniform had a jumper, but nothing warmer than that. I had to wait about 20 minutes for a bus in the freezing cold, so I wore a jacket. When I arrived at school, the headmaster saw that I was wearing something non-uniform, so he took me into his office and hit me with a thin cane thing... 5 times across the butt. Apparently it was important that I was in perfect uniform, because I was a prefect.

Those are the only times I think I was ever hit at school... neither was right or justifiable - you could probably even argue that they were abusive if you wanted to. Personally, I don't care much either way, because they were isolated incidents, but if they were a pattern, or formed part of a daily norm... they could do serious harm.

My parents weren't religious but they never lifted a hand to me in anyway they would say to me I'm ashamed of you right now and that was enough to break my heart..

We would always sit down and talk about the problem and try to work it all out with communication and I think I turned out pretty good..peace,sugarcookie1

Very religious, children should be seen and not heard type attitude. Often got the buckle side of the belt, and usually was clueless as to what I had done wrong. Still bitter about several instances where I was completely clueless.