Should I repay family for how they treated me and my sig other during our life crisis?

... now that the same thing has happened to them?

My sig others mom died a few months ago, and though my family did come over to pay condolences, none of them brought food as they promised they would. The actual savior of the day was a co-worker who more than made up for my families inequity. Well fast forward to the last few days. My bro's sig others mother passed. Now I will go by to pay my respects, but I am wondering about should I bring food? Funny how my family has said they are bringing food over for them, yet I called them on the spot about my own circumstance and they get all ass chapped and excuses - fair is fair, right? Hmmmm.... repay like for like, or take the high road. If so, why?

Yes. An eye for an eye doesn't work very well in this day and age, especially when it comes to family and friends.

You already know what is the right thing to do, so I would advise to "take the high road" and do what is right.

I tend to find that personal revenge and bringing up old wrongs in personal matters tends to just cause more unhappiness.

ye go for it spit on the sandwiches give them hell

reply to post by pityocamptes


Jesus taught us to feed the birds and love our neighbours.

Treat others not as they treat you,

but as you would have them treat you.

Be the change you want to see.

Thanks. The sad thing, most of the $hit is from my parents. I'm the black sheep of the family. I don't know why, I'm basically the only one who got advanced degrees, never got in trouble, and have my $hit squared away. Just pisses me off that my parents (especially my step mother) kiss ass to my siblings family, etc. yet, in some way (don't know why) detest my sig others family, who are poor, but nice.

reply to post by pityocamptes

I'll tell ya, OP. Revenge is never what we hope it will be and grudges are self defeating. I experienced some of the worst I've ever seen in humanity when my Father died. It scarred me in ways I've come to accept will never fully heal and taught me hate in a nature I wish I'd never known beyond words to say in conversation. Some truths in life are truly better left unknown...for all involved.

It's from that position of thought that I say, in my opinion, you need to do what YOU know is right. NOT what they would like, want or not appreciate. You do the right thing because YOU know whether you did it and whether you're a good person or not. The right thing matters because looking in the mirror is a real important thing in life ...without the shadow of regret in your own reflected eyes. Who cares what they think either way? They sound like toads. All that matters is what you think of yourself.

If bringing food is what you'd have seen as the right thing when you were on the other end? Perhaps it's what you ought to do here ....because you know it's what's decent to do.

Originally posted by Theflyingweldsman
reply to post by pityocamptes

 

Jesus taught us to feed the birds and love our neighbours.

Treat others not as they treat you,

but as you would have them treat you.

Be the change you want to see.

You know, I'm no longer religious, or believe in God, but for some reason I do enjoy reading the gospels, and the Golden Rule... it's just difficult sometimes to live by.

reply to post by pityocamptes



Do the right thing. Bring food, show proper respect to the family of the deceased and understand that one day you will lay there dead and hopefully with ppl remembering your good deeds that might inspire their own lives.

Anything else is just plain immaturity.

Yea I would take the higher road.

But if you choose to ignore my advice this could always be fun.


1 half teaspoon for fast effective relief.
peace

Maybe......you do the right thing this time.

It influences your familiy's thinking. The next time....they pass it on.

You have the opportunity to be a spark. Start a bonfire, my friend.

Originally posted by Wrabbit2000
reply to post by pityocamptes

 

I'll tell ya, OP. Revenge is never what we hope it will be and grudges are self defeating. I experienced some of the worst I've ever seen in humanity when my Father died. It scarred me in ways I've come to accept will never fully heal and taught me hate in a nature I wish I'd never known beyond words to say in conservation. Some truths in life are truly better left unknown...for all involved.

It's from that position of thought that I say, in my opinion, you need to do what YOU know is right. NOT what they would like, want or not appreciate. You do the right thing because YOU know whether you did it and whether you're a good person or not. The right thing matters because looking in the mirror is a real important thing in life ...without the shadow of regret in your own reflected eyes. Who cares what they think either way? They sound like toads. All that matters is what you think of yourself.

If bringing food is what you'd have seen as the right thing when you were on the other end? Perhaps it's what you ought to do here ....because you know it's what's decent to do.

I know. The sad thing is I know my sig other sees it, and it does hurt her deeply. She does not understand WHY my family treats her family differently than they treat the other siblings extended family.

In this case I would say cook a turkey and bring it over. If their not impressed then they don't have to eat it. At least you'll some have turkey for the next couple of days. If anyone complains that it wasn't called for then you can just tell them that you have more respect for your family then they do.

reply to post by pityocamptes
Do the right thing friend, if not for your inconsiderate family members then do it for yourself. You will feel better knowing that you have done what you feel is right. If you don't bring anything over out of spite you will be the one who feels bad about it, and you have to live with yourself in the end.

Why be so petty?
Stop worrying about other people and do what YOU want.
If you want to bring them food, go for it. If you don't feel like it, then don't.

If I were you, I would bring food, if its understood as a nice gesture to the one´s mourning, why not*.
Think of the one who left, do you really like to bring revenge to his funeral meet? I mean it´s to honor the dead one so I would not like to spoil the moment of saying goodbye bye bringing revenge. However, I´m not you and not in your situation so you should listen to your heart.

*Where I live, we don´t do that, so its only half true.
I´m interested, is there a tradition behind this? May I ask you where you live? I really would like to know.
In my region we do a funeral feast, means after funeral close relatives and friends eat together in a restaurant or such and most people share their memories about good times they had with the one that had to say goodbye forever.

Originally posted by trollz
Why be so petty?
Stop worrying about other people and do what YOU want.
If you want to bring them food, go for it. If you don't feel like it, then don't.

...because this is just one example of many, that my family seem to do when it involves my sig other. I know it hurts her, and I think she thinks that by allowing this I agree with what they are doing, which I tell her I do not. She says why don't you tell them, to which I have, but it only creates a $hit storm, and I frankly don't like going down that road.

Originally posted by verschickter
If I were you, I would bring food, if its understood as a nice gesture to the one´s mourning, why not*.
Think of the one who left, do you really like to bring revenge to his funeral meet? I mean it´s to honor the dead one so I would not like to spoil the moment of saying goodbye bye bringing revenge. However, I´m not you and not in your situation so you should listen to your heart.

*Where I live, we don´t do that, so its only half true.
I´m interested, is there a tradition behind this? May I ask you where you live? I really would like to know.
In my region we do a funeral feast, means after funeral close relatives and friends eat together in a restaurant or such and most people share their memories about good times they had with the one that had to say goodbye forever.

SW part of US

reply to post by pityocamptes


I do not want to reduce my post to my question nor do I know your traditions or their meanings and how most/other people that live in your region. But if it´s not understood as token gesture, go for it.

reply to post by verschickter
It's a Southern tradition in the United States. It would be considered uncouth not to bring food when a member of your circle of friends and family passes on.