posted on Apr, 24 2013 @ 04:17 PM
Text YellowI have been someone who has had fairly constant but gradually increasing, what I would call, spiritual experiences
since I was in my mid twenties ( am now 39) . These experiences are very personal to me and I am not comfortable discussing them with others in '
real life' , apart from my long suffering husband! It's just that in the last few weeks, just as I am feeling ready to come to terms that spiritual
occurrences are in fact real not my imagination and try to embrace the contact I have, suddenly - nothing!
To explain as briefly as I can my experiences started years ago - the defining moment was on loosing my beloved dog who used to wander off every now
and then. Basically, he was gone for hours and I almost gave up hope of finding him after much searching in my car around the neighbourhood. I was sat
at home when I got an overwhelming urge to get in my car again. It was dusk and it was almost as if someone were in my head telling me 'turn left',
' now right' and just for the hell of it I followed the guidance and there he was in front of me on some park land!
This is the jist of what happens to me - I get urges, not actual voices but strong thoughts that I have learned not to ignore. If I tap into these
voices and ask them guidance, I get it, from finding a parking space to many other more specific occurrences that literally made me shake with shock
when they happen - as you can gather I am quite a reluctant believer in spiritual matters but sometimes they just bowl me over!
Just to give a clear picture, I also, since age 17 ish, have had dreams of people who pass away at the time they pass away - sometimes people I know,
sometimes not - I may have just heard of them. I have very vivid dreams of friends and relatives who died, sometimes with messages involved, sometimes
not. I am a nurse and I have also come to have a sense for someone dying as in if death is imminent - even if it does not appear so at the time.
To highlight one case, I was called in by a nursing agency one night shift to look after a man in his home who was terminally I'll but by no means
expected to die before a few weeks. His doting and exhausted family were doing shifts by his bedside and as everything was stable and uneventful with
the patient, I sent them to get some sleep. In the middle of the night, I don't know how or why but I swear I got a hugely strong urge to wake the
family so they could say goodbye to the patient. I wrestled with myself about this because I risked looking like a real idiot if I woke them up for no
reason, but I just could not shake the feeling and so woke them. Not long after the patient began cheyn- stoking, or taking laboured breaths, and
within a couple of hours he was gone.
I learned pretty soon to respect those urges.
This really is the tip of the iceberg with what I have experienced.
My problem now is - something seems to be going on spiritually for me. I am ready to try to connect with whatever with me. I once had a vivid and
unforgettable dream of my guide / guardian angel at a time of huge emotional turmoil in my life. If this is what is happening to me, ie I have a
guide, I would like very much to connect with him/ her/ it.
I have tried to meditate. I find it very hard to focus and usually fall asleep or just can't quieten my thoughts.
I havevtried asking whatever it is around me to show me themselves. I need and am ready to have evidence of whatever is happening to me to prove to me
this is real. I guess without this, the stubborn sceptic within me refuses to shut up!
But - nothing. The last few weeks I have not remembered any dreams. I usually see flashes / shadow like fleeting objects in my peripheral vision that
disappear when I turn suddenly. In the last few weeks, again, nothing.
I have also felt very low in my mood, something not common for me, very tired and no motivation. It might be worth mentioning I take a low dose of
Prozac for post natal depression and am happily stable on that. But All of this seems to come hand in hand with the spiritual block I am
I feel I don't know where to turn or what I need to do to connect with the experiences I have. I am, as it were,
lost in a spiritual sense!
I hope I have the correct forum and would so greatly appreciate the wisdom of anyone who feels they can advise me!
Thanks for reading if you made it through ! X