posted on Apr, 24 2013 @ 01:53 AM
My dog is cooler than most people.
I make love like I use semicolons; rarely and probably incorrectly.
I haven’t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn’t blue.
You say “it’s complicated”, I think “you’re unstable”.
I’m that horrible friend who reads your text then puts the phone down to do something and forgets to reply until 4 hours later.
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
If my calculations are correct, and they usually are, I ran out of money six years ago.
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
If you really want to get to know someone, start arguing with them.
I’m responsible for what I say…not for what you understand.
Love doesn’t walk away, people do.
Did I un-jam the copier? Yes. Does that make me a hero? Not for me to say. But probably.
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
Calling someone “stupid” is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it’s just a diagnosis.
If it takes you more than an hour to answer a text message I will assume that you’re dead.
I wonder if dog’s had facebook, would they put our picture as their profile picture.
You know when you recognize someone but don’t know if they remember you and they feel the same way so you try not to look at each other?
When people try extra hard to cover the keypad as they enter their pin at the ATM, I always want to whisper, “I saw it” when they’re done.
It’s not really stalking if you don’t catch me doing it.
Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think of what could go right.