Just general ponderations on the subject of the change-ability of ego, that thread on the soldier in Vietnam is interesting!
I just realized that there were questions posed here- such as why am I discussing this subject?
Is it because I am seeking something? I realize I didn't expose my personal interest in the subject.
It seems to be a theme I have had going in my life since before I can remember. Without giving a full run down of everything, the most current
"shift" I have had to deal with was my adaptation to french culture.
I did not think I woudl be staying here and fought for a logn time to retain my ego as was- with it's views, principles and values. I knew I would
need those upon my return.
In a concrete way, I similarly did not take french nationality, nor get a french drivers license.
It was not until I'd been here 13 years, and my father said to me on the phone, "We Americans thank you for your concern." after the attack of
9/11. He made me aware that despite all my loyalty, America didn't consider me one of them anymore. I was being stupid.
I cried for many days. Then I sucked it up and began forming a french ego- with french values and conceptualizations about the nature of reality. I
got my french nationality, I got the drivers license, I made effort to learn french activities and social games, and traditions.
For a few years, it was as if I had two egos. I had trouble translating for people because it meant switching back and forth not only in language, but
in emotion, focus, motives, values. I could speak from my french self or m american self.
In some ways, debating with americans, speaking "for the french" helped me to project my american attitudes outside and move myself into the french
I began to understand this is also how relationships of power work- you project a part of yourself onto another and it allows you to move into the
You can face your powerful authority this way, or your submissive energy this way.
Then later, they all get re-integrated again. Eventually they melded into one ego which has neither totally french values, nor american, but somewhere
in between. I feel more balanced than before with a wider view.
The ego was integrated- not destroyed. It was not "bad" I simply wished to enlarge it and transform it, into a vehicle for consciousness that has
the tools for two very different environments.
If I had looked it as my americn side being "bad" (turning individualism into a sin) then I would not have the tools to operate effectively in that
environment. But I could have done that- I could have started out hating my previous self and attitudes, and the change would have happened quicker.
I am going home in a few days, and that is always a strange experience, as this new me has to interact with a very different environment, and knowign
I will be slightly out of phase because of my french side. i even have people ask me where my accent is from!
But this is my personal reason for considering this topic and writing about it in general, right now.