posted on Apr, 23 2013 @ 07:59 AM
This happened to me In 2000 on December 12th at 11:45 ........ I had open heart surgery and had a St. Jude artificial heart valve installed in my
aortic valve. Sometime around 3:45 I regained consciousness and at that moment had tubes and ventilation in my throat. I couldn't breathe, not even a
gasp. I remember being in somewhat of a fog and the reality of being unable to breathe. With my eyes, I could see around me as I laid restrained on
the gurney, but then it hit me.... I could not breathe, I could not do anything except look around. I don't remember anyone near me, or to my sides,
but certainly there must of been.
During those many seconds, I came to a realization that it would be not to many moments before lack of oxygen would suffocate me, I would finally pass
out. Imagine holding your breath....... as long as you can, then still not being able to take a breath, a barrier, and watching and experiencing a
wave of black consume you. It came ...... it was a slowing.... and slowing, the last moments of consciousness, then nothing. At the point of
'nothing' there was nothing, no tunnel, no light, no hovering over my body, but simply, existence had ended, No awareness.
Then, once again, I was awake, having been paddled to resuscitate me. Only instead of paddles, there were two wires with electrodes inserted in my
chest near my heart to be used for this purpose. It had worked, but once again, nothing had changed, I still could not breathe. Again everything would
happen to me as before. I lost consciousness. This time however, while still conscious, in my mind it was apparent that I was dying, but death didn't
hurt.... there was no pain and it was easy to pass from life to death. Only the moments, eyes open were my awareness, and how many of them would I
have left as I suffocated. From the beginning of the second consciousness on through the repeat, I now knew how much time I had before blackness would
again take me. My reckoning was about a minute or so. Beyond that, there was no spiritual experience, no thought of my world, nothing beyond my
immediate condition. Again the blackness and awareness consumed me slower this time until the very last moment. My thoughts still.... 'this doesn't
hurt, or is it frightening'. Again cardiac arrest. A second bout with the electrodes/wires brought me back once more, my eyes open, a sizable Black
man in my immediate view, and for a moment, a sort of resignation of having this unending drama repeat itself again. This time however the Man reached
and pulled a tube out of my throat, one of several, that was about the size in diameter of a quarter. I could feel the tube sliding out of my throat,
somewhat of an uncomfortable sensation, yet there seemed to be no gag reflex, just a smooth pull. As the ventilation tube exited my mouth, I gasped in
relief with a huge gulp of breath, the cool life giving air could now be pulled into my lungs, and what a feeling to behold. The man, a medical
assistant I believe then told me to relax, and take slow breaths. It was difficult at first, yet that calmness of not being able to breathe and that
moment flowed over to this new moment, and the immediacy was gone.
I could now breathe, the coolness and the taste of air was beyond welcome, oh so welcome. As I became increasingly aware, I now felt the associated
pain of my heart seeing the light of day. I had been pulled apart, and now pain would have it's way with me. A woman nurse asked if I needed
morphine, and I nodded Yes as best I could. And within a minute or so a wave of contentment swept over me, and the pain didn't matter. It was still
there, it had just lost it's power over me. There was more.
A trip to intensive care, and finally a simple recovery hospital room with others, and then I was released to go home five days after all this had all
This is what death felt like to me.... It holds no power or fear over me now, nor will it ever be able to. I have crossed that moment.