posted on Apr, 22 2013 @ 02:29 PM
Beings am facing this before to long (med issues that are winning),
i have mixed feelings about this subject.
I went to my doc's last month, and she off handedly said "You look good,
shoot we may have you around another 15 years." now the offical
decloration was 2-3 years when i was first diagnosed, which was about a
year and a half ago. So the clock is ticking... But the first thing that ran
through my mind when she made that joke was..... wow, 15 years of pain
and suffering like i am now..only worse as things go down hill.. their is something
to look forward to... NOT....
people who die suddenly have it best! trust me on this one... so far it has been a year
and a half, i have yet to have a single day where i have not been in pain.
As we say in my support group, a normal persons worst day is better than our
best day. Which is so true.
But back to the topic at hand. Fear death, yes and no... when you get right
down to it, that is the part that scares me. I am sure most reading this have
been swimming, and done something silly where they ended up staying under water
longer than expected, and have that painful feeling of needing air but cant
get it yet, then you rush up and take that breath of air and feel much better.
Now in dying, you dont have the option to come up out of the water, that feeling
of needing air is going to be the last thing you remember, take into account the
medical reports that the brain continues to live for up to 5 min past the body, and
you are talking a very scary situation.
This is the part that scares me... how long will one suffer and have that feeling of
needing air before they actually die. Sadly i will probably find out, my only hope
is by then my morphine and other drugs are so high that my brain goes into a state
of confusion and i dont pay as much attention to it as it seems.
The actual act of dying is very scary, and one we all get to face alone.