Ugh...I feel stuck in the middle. I want to just SCREAM!!!

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posted on Apr, 21 2013 @ 03:21 PM
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Oh please, please, please...pull me out of the middle!!! I don't even want to go into detail and actually I probably won't go into great detail at all..its so annoying and stressing and full of anxiety and I do not want pity and no one even has to reply to this.
I just know this section is for rants..and I have just a tiny one.

Blurred vision settles as I hang up the phone with my grandma...my mothers mom. I can only do so much!! I can't tell my dad what to do or where to live or which house to pick out!!! He is a grown man. I have my own family to worry about. Yes I care and love my little sister deeply, but I can only do so much..she is just my sister, I am not her mom. I feel stuck. I am being torn down from the inside deep.

I have learned to build these brick walls in my mind, but some of them are crumbling.
I feel helpless. Its not up to me, why should it be? Tears please stop flowing, sometimes I feel I won't be able to take this much longer...its been happening since my mothers passing.
Everything out of my grandmothers mouth has been negative towards my dad. Yes I know he screwed up, but he is my dad for crying out loud. Words do cut deeper than I could ever imagine.
I am cut a lot. Little remarks here and there build up over time.

I can't break. I can't. I just feel on the brink...

thats all...
peace and love
~nat the red eyed cat~
edit on 21-4-2013 by natalia because: (no reason given)




posted on Apr, 21 2013 @ 03:29 PM
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reply to post by natalia
 


Love you, Nat....hang in there, vent all you want.....message me if you need to talk.

Hugs to you, smylee



posted on Apr, 21 2013 @ 03:33 PM
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Sometimes we just shouldn't take things too seriously. Hope you're feeling better for venting



posted on Apr, 21 2013 @ 03:47 PM
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reply to post by natalia
 


Wait till your kids get older, you won't be able to get them to do what you want either, especially once they become teenagers
Get used to it, that is the way it is and as far as I can tell, it has been that way for a long time.
Who is right, who is wrong....That is a perception thing. Sooner or later you learn to accept changing only what you can change. Don't let it get you down.



posted on Apr, 21 2013 @ 03:58 PM
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reply to post by natalia
 



I can't break. I can't. I just feel on the brink...
Purify your soul in and with the love for the others.

Look up and let love flow through your body.

Give without asking nothing in return.

Take care of the others and someone will take care of you in a good way.

And then you will be free...of any negative emotion.



posted on Apr, 21 2013 @ 04:15 PM
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Originally posted by rickymouse
reply to post by natalia
 


Wait till your kids get older, you won't be able to get them to do what you want either, especially once they become teenagers
Get used to it, that is the way it is and as far as I can tell, it has been that way for a long time.
Who is right, who is wrong....That is a perception thing. Sooner or later you learn to accept changing only what you can change. Don't let it get you down.


when my grandmother calls me daily with negativity its kinda hard to not let it get me down sir or ma'am. i have a kid not kids. and i know i cant change things, my grandma seems to think that i can change my dad somehow. i honestly dont know if you read my rant the right way. im not asking anyone to do anything.
i am being mind f**ked on a daily basis, and its tiring, like i said my brick walls are crumbling. i can only take so much. my mom was the one who took most of the mental mind games, now that shes gone, its me my grandma has chosen.
i cant change anyone...i am a bit confused at your reply tbh...
~nat
sorry for all the grammar errors...i dont feel like it..



posted on Apr, 21 2013 @ 04:24 PM
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Nat, tell her you don't approve of hearing such negativity and let her know how you feel about it and how it is affecting you. Nobody should ever have to hear something negative about their parents.

Sometimes it's ok to let the wall fall down. When you rebuild it, it will be stronger.



posted on Apr, 21 2013 @ 04:48 PM
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Nat....God Bless you for having the heart to deal with your Grandma...even without much details I think I have an idea of what your going through....so if you don't mind I'm going to do a rant on your behalf...cause I know your too nice to say it ! I hope this makes you laugh, and doesn't offend you......


" OK Old Woman, Enough is Enough ! Your unpleasant, unreasonable and cruel to keep disrespecting my Father, I already lost my Mother...and we're all coping the best we can....we need you to bake some cookies and share happy memories with the kids, not make us your emotional slaves...if your not calling to say something nice, I suggest you take up Bingo ! "

Hang in there!



posted on Apr, 21 2013 @ 05:08 PM
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I'm sorry to hear you are going thru all this Nat
*hugs*

I would cut your grandmother out, but that is just me. It sounds like she isn't very nice to you and doesn't respect the fact that this man is YOUR father! Whatever mistakes he has made it seems like you have forgiven him and that is all that matters. I would tell her you don't want to hear it anymore and if she continues cut her out. I recently cut my own twin sister out. I got tired of her negativity and always putting me down for no reason. She is just a mean nasty person and I dont care if she is blood or not I will not surround myself with people like that and neither should you. YOu have your own family to worry about.

Good luck sweetie.



posted on Apr, 21 2013 @ 07:30 PM
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reply to post by natalia
 


I know how you feel, sister.

I'm sorry life is stupid.

You should find a vent. Mine is drawing, writing, keeping logs, and overdosing on caffeine (I don't recommend the last one).


And another good ATS vent is using the flamey faces, like this;



Something about seeing all these heads spitting fire is theraputic to me. I'm not sure why.




posted on Apr, 21 2013 @ 09:11 PM
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reply to post by natalia
 
I'm so sorry you are being put in the middle sweetie! From experience I can tell you that your grandmother probably isn't taking into consideration how much her negativity is affecting you, and that she is probably seeking commiseration. About the only thing you can do is tell her that your Dad is a grown man and makes his own decisions and that you refuse to discuss it anymore. If she doesn't chill out start screening your calls (oh the joys of Caller ID!).

Unfortunately I've been in your position, albeit different circumstance. Eventually she will learn to keep her opinions to herself if she wants to keep a relationship with you, she may just need reminding now and again. I still have to remind my older, divorced parents sometimes that I don't want to hear their negativity about each other and if they don't leave me out of it they will get the silent treatment. Your own peace of mind is more important than playing "Family Feud".

(((HUGS)))!!!!!



posted on Apr, 21 2013 @ 10:25 PM
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reply to post by natalia
 


I can just picture Dr. Phil telling you that she is doing this because she can.

And she evidently either has not received the message that she can not behave that way with you, or she is pushing her opinions onto you to convince you of her point of view, imo of course. I call that dumping.

I know it's difficult to tell someone off, but she ought to be able to take it when you tell her exactly what you do not want her to discuss with you. Sometimes being blunt instead of diplomatic gets the point across even if it stings a little.

It's not fair for her to dump her personal agenda baggage on you. Maybe if you offer to drive her to bingo instead?
If she's religious, maybe direct her towards her pastor instead of dumping on you? Sorry to keep using that word, but I have been in your shoes with a sister of mine and I went through hell for 2 years until I sorted it out.
edit on 21-4-2013 by aboutface because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 21 2013 @ 11:09 PM
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reply to post by natalia
 


Hi Natalia


I’m really sorry that you have to deal with so much negativity! It sucks that your Grandma is constantly bashing your Dad. It does put you in a very unfair position, because even if you agree to some extent with what your Grandma is saying, you can’t help but want to defend your Dad because...well he’s your Dad. And I’m guessing that when you do try to stick up for him, your Grandma starts attacking you/guilt tripping you


I know this is hard to do --- especially with an elderly family member like your Grandma, but is there any way that you can give yourself at least a small break from having to deal with her?

There’s nothing wrong with the occasional white lie. I’m hoping that you have caller ID/call display on your phone, so that occasionally, when you need a break from her you can simply not answer her calls. You can always check in with your sister by text or e-mail. Or if you do answer your phone and she starts being mean, just say that your phone’s losing its charge and that you’ll call her back later.

Another (perhaps a little less passive-aggressive) approach might be to set some very clear boundaries on what type of behaviour you will tolerate from her. Imo, it’s never too late to set and/or clarify boundaries.

In other words, next time she calls and starts belittling your father, gently try to placate her with a general statement like “yeah it’s a difficult situation for everyone right now” (that way you’ve acknowledged her feelings) but when she continues being nasty --- at this point --- firmly tell her that it “upsets you too much to hear this and that if she continues you will have not choice but to hang up the phone.” (And if she continues --- I really recommend hanging up)

I know it might seem harsh to hang up on your Grandma --- but if you do it a couple of times, she’ll hopefully get the message that you’re not going to tolerate these mind games anymore. And when your Grandma guilt trips you for hanging up on her (and believe me, she will) --- just quickly turn it right around --- and say how much it “upsets YOU to have to hang up on her because you love her so much, but right now you need to focus on positive constructive things rather than wallow in the negative.”

(Or something to that extent --- as you can guess I’ve had to set boundaries myself. Mine was with a very negative older sister, who has perfected the guilt trip into almost an art form)

But anyways, more importantly, I’m so sorry to hear about your Mom. You definitely deserve time to heal yourself. And imo, setting boundaries and maybe even ignoring your Grandma on occasion, doesn't mean that you’re neglecting your sister or your father. I think it sets a good example to your sister, you are showing her that you don’t have to let negative people suck you down with them. Even if the negative person is a family member
.
I definitely feel for you! Remember be kind to yourself and it will get better!



posted on Apr, 21 2013 @ 11:24 PM
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Originally posted by natalia

Originally posted by rickymouse
reply to post by natalia
 


Wait till your kids get older, you won't be able to get them to do what you want either, especially once they become teenagers
Get used to it, that is the way it is and as far as I can tell, it has been that way for a long time.
Who is right, who is wrong....That is a perception thing. Sooner or later you learn to accept changing only what you can change. Don't let it get you down.


when my grandmother calls me daily with negativity its kinda hard to not let it get me down sir or ma'am. i have a kid not kids. and i know i cant change things, my grandma seems to think that i can change my dad somehow. i honestly dont know if you read my rant the right way. im not asking anyone to do anything.
i am being mind f**ked on a daily basis, and its tiring, like i said my brick walls are crumbling. i can only take so much. my mom was the one who took most of the mental mind games, now that shes gone, its me my grandma has chosen.
i cant change anyone...i am a bit confused at your reply tbh...
~nat
sorry for all the grammar errors...i dont feel like it..


I hate to say this, but sometimes you just have to STOP answering the phone for a while, let everyone stew and be selfishly furious at you for a while, let them find someone else to depend on, don't be an enabler, it is just as bad for them as it is for you, they need to grow up and let you be a mom....

I was in your shoes for a LONG time, I had to cut them loose..... they tried to give me hell to pay, but it was for the best for us all, now we are civil years later, and I almost get treated as good as they treat strangers and outsiders of the family..... believe me, strangers always were number one over family for them...


Hang in there. They do it to themselves.



posted on Apr, 22 2013 @ 12:43 AM
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Hang in there Nat.

It will work itself out. Well wishes to you and yours.

Blessings,
Cirque



posted on Apr, 22 2013 @ 02:21 AM
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reply to post by natalia
 

Hi Natalia, I totally understand what you are going through. I hope things can be resolved for you in the best way possible. I have been going through similar circumstances for years with various relatives and actually had to become estranged from them. It is so very difficult but sometimes so necessary.

When negativity is being sent your way, it can be so draining, stressful, tiring...it can actually cause physical and mental illness for some. I call such folks emotional vampires. If you feel absolutely exhausted after being around them, that is one of the main signs. If the person or persons make you feel depressed, sad, worthless, belittled to the max and such, it is so unhealthy for you. The you that is "you" is important and your health and feelings and your life matters. Some things and people just can't be fixed.

I am going through this process right now with a family member who is so self orientated and draining and stressful and hurtful to be around I am trying my darndest to disentangle myself from the person/relative....it is not easy but can be done. Lots of time passes and you can finally adjust to not having the person involved in your life. It's sad that such has to occur sometimes in our relationships. Heart breaking at times. However, you are important too my friend. From what I have come to know of you here, you are a very sweet and loving and caring person....sensitive and intelligent and talented. In a perfect world, we wouldn't be faced with decisions such as this...but, life is full of twists and turns and way too short to not live it in as much peace and with as much joy as possible. Don't ever let anyone steal your energy or joy or peace of mind. Love and hugs.
edit on 22-4-2013 by shrevegal because: spelling error



posted on Apr, 22 2013 @ 05:47 AM
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post removed for serious violation of ATS Terms & Conditions



posted on Apr, 22 2013 @ 05:50 AM
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reply to post by McScrad
 


Im just one man.. I need support. Im asking someone on this forum to create a topic for me so I can spread my message.



posted on Apr, 22 2013 @ 06:36 AM
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Look no words here will comfort your sores / anger
First you must come clean to your self how you REALLY feel about you father.

You see the reason you keep picking that phone up daily an listening to that crap your grandma has to say its because deep inside you actually believe the words she speaks of. I'm not say you blame him for your mothers death but you sure do for not pulling his weight afterwords. I get the feeling you care but you wana run.
Run where?
From who?
The questions is from what?
We all do, for our own reasons we all want to run somewhere, anywhere. Away from the current moment/life situation only cause it's to hard an we are tired of it.
I dont know how your mother past away or your family situation but here's a question for you - Have you ever thought about the impact that took on your father a loss of a loved one? Men are good in hiding their emotions but they are not made from steel. What about the impact on your lil sis? She doesn't have the opportunity you do. She has to deal with it day in day out cause from my understanding she still lives with your father. yes?
Now you grandma you said your mothers mum.......she lost her daughter! Tell me which parent would hold there # together seen there kid pass away before them?????????

I could say "suck it up and deal with it" but your not strong enough to do just that as your walls are crumbling
So you have 2 choices to make
1 - keep doing what you doing an try to push the responsibility to someone else till it all hits rock bottom an watch it all go down the drain
2 - pull your finger out of your selfish butt an go talk to your dad (really TALK) tell him what you think, what he NEEDS and how you can help. Make goals and plan on how to achieve them, what néeds to be done an how. Most importantly and hardest get your dad to talk to the grandma (most men won't sit with their mother inlaws an talk) so make this happen.


Your choice



posted on Apr, 22 2013 @ 08:13 AM
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Nat
Our sweet dear Nat
Words cut deep but that's all they are words.

Words can be powerful and words can be sweet. As a writer you know that.

A mutual friend (Moddy) asked me to post this

I can't solve your dilemma for you, I wish I could, but I have it from a reliable source that your love for your family will overcome this. Call me if you wish, but first. Hold your child look deep into the eyes and tell the soul within your love is unconditional, you'll understand.

Strange message I know
But then Moddy isn't your average either.

Cody
edit on 22/4/13 by cody599 because: I got the wording wrong apparently, Touchy touchy





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