The girl of my dreams? Not in MY bed!

reply to post by AK907ICECOLD


I am happy. I am seeing other girls. The op is not about being unhappy and wanting a girl... it's about understanding the differences between sexual and romantic desire. So yeah.. I hope summer comes to AK sooner rather than later.. you seem like you could use it.

reply to post by Dustytoad


It was in response to your post, but only in jest.

Originally posted by Generator85
How would that even fly with a girl? "Hey Lily, will you be my girl forever? But let's never have sex."

Do that, sounds amazing. I would give anything for a relationship like that. It's actually what I'm looking for. I'm sure you would be fine with cuddling and sleeping next to her, right?

reply to post by Generator85


My husband was the same way when he met me. He said he was so in love with me, that it freaked him out. He was single and only in a few long term relationships by the time we met when he was 34 yrs old. It was like he thought of woman and sex differently than how he thought of me. I actually left him 6 weeks into our relationship because of it. We then talked and figured it out and we have been married 15 yrs now. He never stopped pursuing me after I left, and I even started dating someone else. He didn't care, he'd still ask me out. He was relentless. I loved that. I finally agreed to go out with him and that is all it took. He knew the things I liked, he knew what type of fun to plan, he was my male equivalent partner.

The hard part is she is married with a child. Was she married when you met her? I don't know if I'd mess that up. Karma is a bitch.

Originally posted by Generator85
reply to post by cody599

 

I think you may be closer to home than some of these other yahoos.

Or perhaps a mother figure?

Hey there bud, the answer is simple. You Love the girl and wouldnt disrispect her thinking of sex with her. Sex would come from the intimacy of being there in the moment with her.

I am 31 going for 32 and been married. When you really love someone sex is the least of your priorities, it is the intimacy with her... Because you havent had this with her, imaginening sex is rough.

Keep respecting her, this is what makes you a man, when you know your place and know when and who to respect.

Cheers!

reply to post by Generator85


If you aren't looking for it to go anywhere, what does it matter? According to your OP, she seems happy enough, and you are gettin' some, so why worry about it? Personally, I think YOU put her in YOUR friend zone, and as such, are having a difficult time seeing her in a sexual light...while recognizing that the friendship with her is comfortable, and likely more comfortable than with your sexual partners.

Know how to make every girl a TEN?

*click*

reply to post by UnstableDucky


Damn Duck! That's the best post I have ever read on ATS!

reply to post by Generator85

Oh ya I do believe its called an unfulfilled infatuation that stuck with you, usually in such cases it is there only because you do not really know the person. She is nothing but a figment in your head that you may have at one point in time put on a pedestal, if anything were actually to happen I think the whole thing would disappear quite fast. As in...Poof...Gone...Just like that.

How can I desire this girl so deeply and completely, yet have no sexual feelings for her? I'm a frickin sex addict for crying out loud!!

Well obviously your lying or your just telling yourself something you want to hear. I mean do you actually know this girl? Have you spent enough time with her to actually know her? If not then you may want to consider that its just a fad or infatuation that you have, and one that only works as long as this whole non relationship is at a distance. That or like another said you think of her like a sister, which happens from time to time. But you know your lying, and you said it yourself...Look at the above quote, the sex addict part...In such a case I think there may be more then your saying, or it could be some sort of fetish you have for the image of her.

How would that even fly with a girl? "Hey Lily, will you be my girl forever? But let's never have sex." Yeah, I'm sure that's go over like a lead balloon.

It would not fly at all, to be for sure. But I don't think you really want it to fly.

What is this? Has anyone else ever had a similar experience? If so, I'd really like to hear your take, or how you've come to terms with it.. if you have at all.

Yes I have. It is something that comes, and something that goes.

reply to post by Generator85


The first thing I wondered was if you have any sisters. I'm a man, 47, didn't have any sisters, none of us knew our fathers and my youngest brother was the only one of us who has ever had a healthy relationship with a woman. He's also one of the few men I ever met who never "projected" about women the way you seem to be doing. What you're wanting isn't normal in a loving relationship. I learned that the hard way. Women, a lot of times, are the same way when they don't have brothers. They grow up not being able to form a friendship with boys so as they hit maturity they tend to be very clumsy with it all.

What you seem to be wanting is to be fully in love with a woman without really knowing her first. You want all the glory but you don't want to have to work at it. True love doesn't work that way. Start by trying to be her friend first, then see what happens. If you click, you click. If you don't, you don't. Don't take it too hard.

The girl of my dreams ...I'm looking PM me if your near Tampa, Fl. I'll meet you at "Barns & Noble- star bucks inside" I'm buying ...

Ok, How about ...

reply to post by Generator85


In my experience, love works the same way wether you mean a romantic , caring and sexual love, or one of deep admiration, respect, and brotherly solidarity. Essentially both of these can inspire the feeling that one would fight, kill, and die for the person involved, crush one empire, and raise another in thier name if called to do so. The only real difference is wether you desire to take them to bed once you're done.

And sure, its possible that you might have a few hang ups from being so free with your physical expression of romanticism with other women, which result in you being unable to form a proper sexual attraction to someone you have fallen in love with, perhaps because you subconciously see your previous actions where sex is concerned to have been some how... immoral to a degree, and would not wish to have this idol, this paragon of yours associated with that part of your psychological view of the world.

I have a female best friend. Shes a legend, took me in when I was homeless, been there for me and I for her through some seriously nasty stuff. I dont know any female, other than my sister and mother, with whom I share such a strong bond of love and respect. But frankly, even if she wasnt engaged to my other best friend, I would rather saw off my manhood than get within ten feet of her sexually. Shes a fine figure of a lass, and I can appreciate that, but she doesnt appeal to me on a primal basis. Its not unheard of or unusual.

Myself, Im a bit of a monk when it comes to sex. I have to be well deep in love before I even consider sleeping with a woman, but the fact is, just because you love a person, doesnt mean you ought to have an overriding need to penetrate them! Chill out. Let your life happen a little. You may just be over analysing here

reply to post by Generator85


This has hit a different level for you!
I think that your respect for this woman is so much you cannot see yourself invading her body sexually, the way you think comes naturally...she has not accepted your proposal of intimacy, which has put you off of the subject, it causes you to hault the feelings of passion with her.

She has also been accompanied by someone else now, along with a child, and you might just despise it, she's desolated you...touching this love is not going to happen at the moment...you think she is supposed to belong to you, your mind does not understand why she does not.
...if she would have accepted and responded to you then things might have gone further with your written gesture, but the results you have looked for are different!

...if you both were meant to be, which I believe strongly when people are destined for one another happenings will fall into place, you should continue to follow your heart and proceed with your feelings...only after things do not work out with her current partner.

You're looking at this the wrong way. Or not completely enough, if that makes any sense. You're looking at sex, with her specifically, the same way you look at sex with other women. The problem is, you don't look at other women in the same light. You see them as friends with benefits, but you see her as some type of soul mate. The term you want to look into is "soul sex". Based on what you wrote, this is what you need as well as something you may not be up to task for.

My advice to you is to take things slowly and build it all up to that point. You can't expect it on the first date. But you sound like the kind of person who isn't going to be in a long term relationship without it, so it's something you need to learn IMO. And the first thing you're going to learn, so you don't waste too much of your time, is that some women just have that "look". They're made for that type of thing, they're more natural on a deep level, and everything else pales in comparison. Trust me, it does. It's like a drug.

Warning. Mature content. Language

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