How Many of You Have a REAL Friend?

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posted on Apr, 18 2013 @ 05:40 PM
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reply to post by Char-Lee
 


Thanks for laying it out like that. Part of true friendship is to be forthcoming and open. It is the willingness to be vulnerable. I have those trust issues too. And you are right, it must be nice. Value that affectionate physical touch you get now more than anything.




posted on Apr, 18 2013 @ 06:36 PM
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If you have nothing they can use you for your pretty much screwed. To have real friends means someone has to be real enough to be a real friend.

Hard to find real people in today's world. Why? Because even if you have something they can use you for they still ain't real.

Cut privileges off that you know they get stoked about. See if they still wanna come around!



posted on Apr, 18 2013 @ 07:26 PM
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I have friends but I don't really let people get that close to me to be "real" friends.

I don't trust people and I have reasons for it. I have some really good friends yes but do I have someone I can count on no matter what? No not really. I can only count on myself and I am fine with that. I've had too many people who I thought were "real" friends that just proved they were anything but that.

I will say I have a few really great friends who I have never met and only know from ATS. These people I guess could be classified as "real" friends because they have always been there for me. Even though I have never met them in person, they have been there for me more than any of my friends I have locally or near me. I am thankful to those friends I have made on here. They know who they are!!



posted on Apr, 18 2013 @ 10:34 PM
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I have a few.

Sadly, I have a lot of dead ones too.

Even the ones who died decades ago, I think of them all the time.

Only the good die young.



posted on Apr, 19 2013 @ 07:14 AM
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My wife is my best friend in the world. We really do have absolutely everything in common. I am 30 and she is 28. We met in 1992, and began dating in 1999. And got married on December 24, 2011... I know, what took so long?!

Other than her I have on true best friend. We met in kindergarten when I was 4 and he was 5. Coincidentally, he lived right across the street from my wife and knew her a few years before I met her. He is the only friend who really gets me, and I'm his only friend who really gets him.



posted on Apr, 19 2013 @ 07:24 AM
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reply to post by Char-Lee
 


i have a two or three, although i dont go demanding anything from them. If there are conditions involved how can their be real friendship.



posted on Apr, 19 2013 @ 07:42 AM
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i had two very good friends, who would be there for anything, rain or shine, then they got girlfriends and from very good friends to became just good friends.

Its part of life i guess.



posted on Apr, 19 2013 @ 08:11 AM
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I have always been extremely picky about close friendships and it has paid off. I have a few real friends who are just amazing and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. There have been people who just drained me because everything was all about them, their drama, their thoughts, their feelings, etc. With a true friend, you are both there for each other through the laughter and the tears and everything in between.



posted on Apr, 19 2013 @ 11:40 AM
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I am in your boat. I have to be fair and say yes I do have a couple of real friends, genuine sweet people. I don't have the caliber of friend that you are talking about though. All of my long term, thick and thin friendships seemed to disappear once I got married and had a family. One of those "friends" even had issues with that. I was helping her out so much that she actually felt it was unfair that my family took precedence. Those darn infants, taking time away from a grown woman. She is still a dear friend, but I have no backup to count on on a regular basis. My couple of friends locally will help me out whenever they can. They are just busy moms as well, and we have only known each other for a few years now so the long term bond isn't really there.

People seem to be out for themselves and unable to take responsibility for their own personal actions so often anymore. After keeping my mouth shut for months, I finally confronted one of those "real" friends yesterday after months. Well, apparently I am just an evil angry hag, so I am done. It gets harder and harder to reach out to people over the years as more and more of them just take a crap on you and walk away. Even after letting them live with you for months and being treated like nothing more than a maid and cook. Sorry, for the mini rant.

It is also hard these days to meet new people. I met a couple of nice moms while my son was still in school, but they lead different lifestyles than we do ( You will find me filthy in the woods before you will find me in a manicure parlor) and its tough to find common ground with people sometimes. I don't even know where to start. I am cherishing the couple of sweet ladies that I know right now, and hoping to cultivate that kind of bond as our kids grow up together.



posted on Apr, 19 2013 @ 11:46 AM
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reply to post by Char-Lee
 


Good post... Awesome responses... I can't help but share my thoughts. The number of true friends I have I can count on 1 hand and I only have 5 digits on that hand. I went through a time in my life where I purged those that were not. That was a depressing time for me as you find out who is real and who isn't. Those that stuck around I have known for a very long time and we are all still very close. No judgement, we all call it for what it is. Though we can't offer financial support in these dire times, there company and compassion in regards to situations was well worth cutting loose ties and hold those friends/brothers dearest to my heart.

It was hard pinpointing them but when the smoke cleared I was happy that I made the choices that I did. I would nay do anything different.



posted on Apr, 19 2013 @ 12:17 PM
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Originally posted by sulaw
reply to post by Char-Lee
 


Good post... Awesome responses... I can't help but share my thoughts. The number of true friends I have I can count on 1 hand and I only have 5 digits on that hand. I went through a time in my life where I purged those that were not. That was a depressing time for me as you find out who is real and who isn't. Those that stuck around I have known for a very long time and we are all still very close. No judgement, we all call it for what it is. Though we can't offer financial support in these dire times, there company and compassion in regards to situations was well worth cutting loose ties and hold those friends/brothers dearest to my heart.

It was hard pinpointing them but when the smoke cleared I was happy that I made the choices that I did. I would nay do anything different.


I am learning a lot from the responses here thanks everyone!
For one thing friendship, the real thing seems to not be just an easy thing to acquire or keep.

I have another question if anyone could answer. I have found that I am truly interested in people, what they do, what they like and I always find something exciting or likable to say..."I like that" that they do or have or are interested in.

I have had a few people that have come to my home that I had reached a point of maybe entering a friendship with and none of them found anything to comment on positively...am I just being silly wanting that from them?

For instance I am a sculptor, in clay and my work sells quickly when I decide to sell anything I even sold to a famous movie editor, I paint and my husband does pen and ink so all art in out home is ours. We have an acre of beautiful flower gardens which we enjoy caring for, we built a flowing stream and waterfall with benches and places to sit all around the acre. Not once did any of these persons say "oh I like your yard, or even that is a beautiful flower you chose there, nor looked at any of my sculpture or our art commented. They did not ask to see the garden I had to ask them to come look. We did all the work with our own hands.

I figure anyone can find something they like to comment positively on, but am I feeling bad about this only because it is what I do? I look and say, wow you painted that yourself? If it is ugly to me I won't lie, but I will find something, like LOVE the colors you used.

Anyway I had no more to do with either of the couples in question after one invitation as I felt they were so very self focused. I don't know if this is a strange thing about me or not as I have never socialized at all.



posted on Apr, 19 2013 @ 12:25 PM
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Originally posted by AthlonSavage
reply to post by Char-Lee
 


i have a two or three, although i dont go demanding anything from them. If there are conditions involved how can their be real friendship.


That sounds great, I don't really know how that works?

Like my children have not much do do with me because I am uninterested in expensive belongings, shopping, parties. They are generally disgusted because of brand names on cloths and shoes I wear, these are not little children but grown married people.
They tell me how "wrong" painting my dinning room bright yellow is and on and on...I can't call them friends they don't like anything about me, even though I admire and appreciate the things they do and love including their great style and success financially and I tell them so.

So basically I do have conditions if there were a friend I would want them to find something about me they can say they like.



posted on Apr, 19 2013 @ 12:27 PM
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Originally posted by jeramie
My wife is my best friend in the world. We really do have absolutely everything in common. I am 30 and she is 28. We met in 1992, and began dating in 1999. And got married on December 24, 2011... I know, what took so long?!

Other than her I have on true best friend. We met in kindergarten when I was 4 and he was 5. Coincidentally, he lived right across the street from my wife and knew her a few years before I met her. He is the only friend who really gets me, and I'm his only friend who really gets him.


Wow that is really interesting! And he didn't introduce you two? You met and found she lived across from your friend?



posted on Apr, 20 2013 @ 01:35 PM
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reply to post by Char-Lee
 


Good God, who would want to socialize with such negative people? Most people would comment on the sculptures, art, garden etc. It isn't you, believe me.



posted on Apr, 20 2013 @ 02:16 PM
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Originally posted by Night Star
reply to post by Char-Lee
 


Good God, who would want to socialize with such negative people? Most people would comment on the sculptures, art, garden etc. It isn't you, believe me.


Thank you, over time I have began to wonder if I am expecting something unusual or that my thinking is just strange.

My sons in-laws came from Wales and they did exactly the same thing, they showed me pictures of their new home and garden and I found things I liked and said so...then I asked them to walk the garden and have a look.

They looked put out, but it was to late for me to say forget it. I saw the wife roll her eyes toward her husband when looking at a couple of things like my plastic blue heron that keeps the real ones from eating the fish, and my fountain in one area with a bench and arbor, the fountain is ceramic "look".
But neither commented on a single thing to us, finished and was ready to leave after a trip to our house out of the way by hundreds of miles.
Small part of the garden shows the fountain and heron. we are pretty proud of our efforts as when we moved in there was only weeds and 90 percent of all the plants are from cuttings as we have little $$.





edit on 20-4-2013 by Char-Lee because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 20 2013 @ 04:17 PM
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I guess I am boring, we like to garden and would rather go see gardens and go camping then anything else. We don't drink because i would rather use the calories for something else and my husband gets sleepy. we will have a beer or wine or something to be sociable but I guess people can tell we don't enjoy it as much as a ginger-Ale.

Guess I will just continue to be a loner and enjoy my husband when we can be together. Give up on the friendship idea.



posted on Apr, 20 2013 @ 05:10 PM
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Originally posted by Char-Lee

Originally posted by jeramie
My wife is my best friend in the world. We really do have absolutely everything in common. I am 30 and she is 28. We met in 1992, and began dating in 1999. And got married on December 24, 2011... I know, what took so long?!

Other than her I have on true best friend. We met in kindergarten when I was 4 and he was 5. Coincidentally, he lived right across the street from my wife and knew her a few years before I met her. He is the only friend who really gets me, and I'm his only friend who really gets him.


Wow that is really interesting! And he didn't introduce you two? You met and found she lived across from your friend?


I met him in kindergarten in around 1986 or '87. He already lived across the street from my future wife at that point. Then in 1992 I moved in right next door to my future wife (I probably should have mentioned this in my first post) and he still lived across the street from her. They knew each other already because their mothers were friends. If it wasn't for the fact that I moved in next door to her, I probably would never have met her.

But yeah, I have known my wife for 20 years out of the 30 years of my life!



posted on Apr, 20 2013 @ 05:23 PM
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reply to post by jeramie
 


Fate...I love it!

I had a landlord once, who was recently married. His wife and him were in their 80's Rosemary and Harry had met in college and he had proposed to her, but he got cold feet so they separated.

Rosemary went on to marry a wonderful guy and have two children. When her husband was dying of cancer, he found and contacted his wives college love as he knew he was the only other man she had ever been interested in. He did not want her to be alone.

By the time Rosemary's husband was gone, Harry was on the way and arrived at her door. He had never married and never gotten over her, he had been a fool he felt, and lost her, so they were married in their 80's and years later were still happy the last I heard from them.



posted on Apr, 20 2013 @ 06:14 PM
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reply to post by Char-Lee
 


That's a wonderful story! You can tell her husband truly loved her because he contacted the other guy. It's sad that he passed away, but at least she knew for sure she had her husband's blessing, and she was never really alone after he died.

And poor Harry, never married and never got over her! I bet he was very happy to be able to have a second chance with her. I bet he made up for all those lost years.




posted on Apr, 20 2013 @ 06:24 PM
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You know, it's funny... A few years ago my life fell apart. Everything went wrong all at once and the people who I had chosen to surround myself with, for roughly a decade, were gone so fast and so totally that they might as well have been shadows or ghosts.

But then a funny thing happened.

Friends who I had not heard from in years suddenly popped-up out of the woodwork. People I had not talked to at all would just appear and say things like "I've been following your Facebook feed for years and now it seems that you are down. What do you need? What can I do?"

Then, much to my surprise, I realized that there are people here... avatars and made up names on a screen... who turned out to be incredibly loyal and real friends as well. Amazingly loving and compassionate people who truly helped me pick myself up and out of the pit of despair i had sunk into.

I'm not an emotional person really, but just typing these words has my eyes kind of misty.

So, OP, to answer your question. Yes, yes I do have real friends, all over the globe. And I thank God for each and every one of them every single day of my life.





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