One of my first threads on ATS was to rant about my families current (insert drama, drugs, low on money). Now I do not see this as much as a family.
More like roommates who have problems and do not need to live together. I'm a very extrovert type of person who tries to be open about my feelings.
Which I can ask for advice to get me out of this torment. In my first post I received great advice. Which I have taken and noted. However, I will need
to set later dates because I'm on low income. In the mean time my crazy family problems have started to come up again. Like a broken record these
problems have continued throughout the years. My eldest brother Paul is a drug addict. His former girlfriend and mother of his children is also a drug
addict and alcoholic. They have two kids together that are not going to school and running wild! Because their parents are dead beats!
Do my parents put their foot of this drama? Don't be ridiculous! Throughout the years my parents have "tried", I put that in quotes, to help them. But
they always failed because the problems continue.
Throughout my life I have either known crazy addicts and/or my parents tried to help them in some way. Which has never really showed any positive
My second brother Peter who is much older than me is also a bad drug addict. I was born when they wanted nothing but drugs and partying. Peter worries
nothing about drugs. The drugs have caused him to become paranoid. He meets "friends" who just buy with him so they can get their drugs cheaper.
Peter's "friends" talk to him, most likely telling lies, and Peter absorbs it all inside. When their "friendship" is gone. Peter freaks out because
the person he did drugs with lied to him. Like that would never happen.
My parents I have a extreme dislike to. Without walking in my shoes you can never truly understand the relationships with me and my parents. My
parents were consider elderly when I was born. Both my brothers were adults. I was the 2.3 kid. I was born into a low income family that wasn't much
of a family. My dad Paul (My brother and him have the same name) is a hardworking floor installer.
My mother Judy is a house wife, I guess you would call us a traditional family. I never had a relationship like most children did with their families.
From my friends to television I was surprised how much their parents, not only loved their children; helped them out, took their kids on vacation
where they didn't gamble, etc. I even see my cousins having more of a family relationship then just me, my parents, and two brothers in this old
expensive rent duplex.
I felt my parents never wanted to be like productive parents. When I grew up I was introduced to the television. I loved it! However, it influenced my
world view and caused me to want the love and affection I have saw, My parents did show me love. But it was half-ass. When I was a kid my niece Lexi
was born. Now my parents are grandparents. This was the first day I noticed I was being overlooked by my parents.
Like I was the bad seed. My parents were more concern with everyone else. That I was overlooked often. There were times my parents would argue and my
mother would just take me some where and bread down crying. However, she would never tell me whats wrong. But she would argue about it with others.
As I matured, that took awhile too, into an adult. I started to see the world as a dark and evil place. I started to self injure and look even more
like an outcast. My teen years were nothing but drama, medication, and what not. My dad got sick with a kidney illness. Which resulted in us canceling
our move to Reno, NV. I was like I couldn't believe it! All my dreams ruined.
Now I have to stay at this duplex of horrors and attend a school where I have no friends. Believe it or not I did have various girlfriends at the
time. Strange how having an addiction to self injury can be your ticket to dating.
As you can imagine I learned a lot of lessons from my relationships. Through arguments to sex to whatever, I had it with everyone. I might be
overshadow by others. But I love to allow my voice and feelings be known to the world.
Now I'm 24 and really wish I never caused traps for myself. Because I'm stuck in this horrible reality. Now I understand why people escape into books
and television. This is more of a rant. I really need to get this off my chest. This is black & white. Because I have no where to discuss this. I can
go on and on. However, this is pretty much my life and drama. I'm a individual like all of you whose mentality was shaped my insane world I was born
into. I guess that is why I have very thick skin and do not account others feeling. I'm afraid of falling down from my tower and coming back to this
edit on 16-4-2013 by Phoenix267 because: (no reason given)