posted on Apr, 15 2013 @ 08:04 PM
I just had major surgery on the 12th. It saved my life. I was actually.. I should have died a while ago and was living on borrowed time. We didn't
realize that til surgery. I'm healing now, it will take 8 weeks.
And today all this bombing happened.
I'm tired of this going on every time we blink. I'm tired of the cold evil darkness. I'm tired of how stupid this all is. It's pointless. What
does destroying people even DO? Why do it?
I need something happy. I need .... gods, I just want a place where all is fine and happy and people get along and love and negativity doesn't even
I don't know if there is a heaven. I don't know if reincarnation exists though I know of my own past lives but are they really TRUE? I don't know
anything. All I know is darkness and hate and violence and and and AND.
I KNOW people that care and are tired of this too. There are a good many of them. Then why can't good win? Why can't peace be had? Why can't we
just round up all those who crave darkness and put them on their own little continent and leave the rest for us who care?
I'm just disgusted. I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm hurt.
I love, I care, I enjoy helping people feel hopeful and happy and loved and that they matter. I love making people smile and feel good.
Then things like this happen. The world happens.
I dont want to die and find out there is nothing there. What is teh point then? The point to live 80 some years give or take just to suffer and then
have nothing ever after? If we can go to a utopian like place after death, then all this suffering will be worth it. I sometimes envy those who
believe in god or any religion which promises a peaceful existance after death. I wish I could fully beleive in that and know for a fact it's really
out there. That would be the only hope I have after all.
I still owe quite a few past life readings on here. Yet sometimes I wonder what the point of even doing those is if life is just going to be darkness
after darkness after darkness. I try to bring positivity to all I come across yet when these things happen and destroy all the love a person has felt,
what is the POINT?
nothing will stop my love and wanting to bring calm and peace, but man, this is brutal. It's just brutal. I know I'm not the only one thinking this.
I'm not. I won't give up like some have. I can't accept this and I don't want this to be how it is. This can't be how it is.
But how do we go about bringing peace and love? Why wouldn't the entire population WANT peace and love? Why do they cling so hard to wanting
destruction and fear and angst and sorrow and horror and such?
what is it about mankind which feels the necessary need to have such blackness? Since day one there has been blackness. What kind of creatures ARE we
to have this, allow this, figure this is how things are and oh well..... isn't there any way to stop this or lessen it extensively?
I know it's questions no one can answer, but my god. Can't something be done some how?
I just had to vent. This really hurts me to my very soul.