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Radio Play: The Caterberg Disaster [RSWC].

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posted on Apr, 9 2013 @ 06:53 PM
DJ Master Mouse:
Welcome rodents and felines. This is DJ Master Mouse coming to you live from the sunny Feline Federation.
As we all know, the humans went extinct centuries ago, and since then mice have struggled for equality with cats.
Cats treated us badly, even when they had loads of other food.
The humans once altered both our species, and since fighting them we've had war and peace.
Yet, still the mice are not equal to the cats!
Today the fat-cats are meeting again at the Caterberg Hotel, where the last humans signed over the rights of the planet to them.
The elite cats have been meeting here in secrecy and under a media blackout.
We've covered the Caterberg meeting for years, but this year we have something special:
We have Mr. Conspiracy Cat with his tinfoil hat speaking to our mouse reporters!
Mr. Conspiracy Cat has opposed neutering and vaccinations for both cats and mice in the past, and claims the top cats are really lizards.
This rebel cat also claims to have a device that can turn off the atomic vibrations that apparently prevents the top cats from shape-shifting.
Before we go back to Conspiracy Cat, let's talk to our "mousette" journalist on the scene:


Hello Dixie Mouse, can you hear me? ...

Dixie Mouse:
Hi DJ Master, this is Dixie Mouse reporting live from the Caterberg Hotel.
I'm at the edge of the scary sounding "Owl Forest", but luckily owls died out with the humans centuries ago. Currently a carnival atmosphere is prevailing, and the "Tomm-Kat" police are present but very tolerant. They're just keeping protestors away from the main road. Some hippy cats are openly rolling in catnip, while some liberated chickens are pecking out a rhythm.
So far, the only surge of rodent protest was when Lil Cheese was driven to the cordoned-off hotel. However according to weasel sources, Lil Cheese entered via the back route, and was never in the car. Some mice also came to support Lil Cheese, saying that calling him a "mouse sell-out" to cat audiences was unfair.
It's a fact though that Lil Cheese was the only mouse allowed on Caterberg so far, and he seems to be one of a few token mice during the usual secret meetings.

DJ Master Mouse:
Yo Dixie, I'm glad to hear that everybody's peaceful.
That's so important, because we know that any violence and running about can bring out the predator/prey instincts, even in our mammalian civilization.

Dixie Mouse:
Yes they are, the Tomm-Kats are wearing mittens, and looking rather bored this year. Goodness ... Oh my tail!

DJ Master Mouse:
What's up Dixie? I can hear the drumming and pecking, and some shouting. You sound so surprised? Sounds like breaking news!

Dixie Mouse:
A spokes-mammal just confirmed that the cat Minister of Inter-species Relationships wants to meet Lil Cheese and apologize for chauvinistic cat behavior in history.
Reporters and activists are running and hopping to the podium as fast as their legs can carry them.

Advert Break: beeeep ... "Does the Mister Mouse in your life still have sparkling, beady eyes? Is his fur still fluffy? Is he tired and grumpy, even while coping with his 50 little micelets? Clinical tests have proven that organic sunflower seeds keep daddy mouse healthy and increase his lifespan. For all the goodness of 10 sunflower seeds in one tablet take Dr. Mousestein. Dr Mousestein: recommended for the mammal in your life".

DJ Master Mouse:
Hello to the citizens of the Feline Federation. We're going live to the Caterberg Conference in the Owl Forest. Our reporter on the scene, the lovely Miss Dixie Mouse is reporting:

Dixie Mouse:
Hi Master Mouse! As you might hear, the wind has just picked up along with the excitement.
Both mice and cats, as well as some chickens and ferrets, are gathered right now in front of the podium.
There's a lot of squeaking and speculation in the sawdust.
It was just announced that Mr. Socks Bitten, the cat Minister of Inter-species Relationships, would be making a symbolic apology to the mice of the planet by apologizing to the mouse hip-hop star, Lil Cheese. Rumor now has it that an ancestor of Mr. Bitten actually swallowed and ate an ancestor of Lil Cheese. This would make the apology very poignant and heartfelt.
It would be an unprecedented move from conservative cats towards mice, and counter the essentialist speciesm still taught by some idiots.
We've overwhelmingly seen that cat and mouse communities can live in peace, and that most mammals just want food and tolerance, except for the barbaric humans, rats and dogs that died out long ago.

DJ Master Mouse:
Before that happens Dixie, our producer tells us Conspiracy Cat is with you along with his device. Can he tell us some more of his kooky ideas?

Dixie Mouse:
Sure Master Mouse.
Conspiracy Cat is just one of the many oddballs and conspiracy theorists gathered here today. Don't be too hard on him.
Remember, he did fight for us during the Mouse Riots and lost his tail and an eye to the Tomm-Kats.
On that note I'll hand over the microphone to Conspiracy Cat ...

Conspiracy Cat:
Hello Master Mouse. My device looks like a tin of sardines. Laugh all you want. This gadget will turn off the vibrations that allow alien lizards to masquerade as cats. A lower reptilian race from the third dimension once possessed the humans and their bloodlines, until the humans wiped each other out, and then the reptilians went into some cats. When I switch on this device it will disturb the vibrations of the elite cats, and their true lizard forms will become apparent.

DJ Master Mouse:
OK, yeah right Conspiracy Cat ... you're so looney you belong back in a human lab.
I can't even laugh at mammals like you anymore.
Some say you're the turd in the milk carton for liberal cats.
But I suppose it takes all kinds of mammals to make the world turn these days.
Let us know when you push that button on your device.

Dixie Mouse:
OK, I'm going to hush a bit Master Mouse.
Lil Cheese has just walked out towards the podium.
A huge crowd of young fans has just exploded in an applause, and probably pooped from excitement lower down in the Owl Forest.
The journalists gathered here are all too excited to make a sound.
Mr. Bitten and Lil Cheese are now behind the podium.
Two men and mammals, creating a better life for their litters ... both resting their tails in peace.
Uncharacteristically, Lil Cheese is adjusting a tie, and both the cat and mouse are in suits.
Lil Cheese still has his bright yellow hairdo, and the faux diamond studs in his ears.
Clearly what will be said here will be important to both mammals, and their species.

Conspiracy Cat:
OK. I'm now going to activate my device ... it is switched on!

Dixie Mouse:
Conspiracy Cat, just give it up, everybody thinks you're boring...
(Screaming) Oh my ... oh no. No!
Horror, horror!

DJ Master Mouse:
What's going on Dixie Mouse ... hello?

Dixie Mouse:
Mr. Bitten just turned into this huge reptile thing!
He just bit off Lil Cheese's head!!!

DJ Master Mouse:
What's going on Dixie?
Is this a joke?

Dixie Mouse:
Run guys run!
Oh no ... chaos, horror ..
Hide, hide ...

DJ Master Mouse:
(Unsure) Erm, it seems we've lost contact with our reporter for now ... Let's listen to an advert while we try to hear what's going on ... Maybe Dixie is back?
Hello Dixie?
Please answer ...


edit on 9-4-2013 by halfoldman because: (no reason given)

posted on Apr, 9 2013 @ 11:45 PM
Nice, SnF, but humorous. I don't know if that's what we're looking for, but I gave you both for effort.

Well done, given the broad parameters.

posted on Apr, 11 2013 @ 01:22 AM
reply to post by halfoldman

Wonderful! I love how you get into character and also how you exercised my imagination!

Fun read!

posted on Jun, 10 2014 @ 06:49 AM
Lol, re-reading this after a long time I sometimes wonder how things might have transpired afterwards.
Conspiracy Cat would probably survive the slaughter, and he'd probably save Dixie Mouse.
I'd guess however that the effects of his device cannot be reversed, and the inter-dimensional lizard-race would have to resort to other means of concealment or control.

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