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Just make dying punishable by, um. . . death! (But make it a very slow death, like "death by eating dry toast!" or "death by watching re-runs of Honey Boo-Boo")
Originally posted by beezzer
"Anyone pro-skub will be placed on a terrorist watch list."
-Janet Napolitano, Queen Buddha of DHS
She threw down the gauntlet!
Originally posted by Theflyingweldsman
reply to post by rockintitz
reply to post by butcherguy
reply to post by beezzer
carcinogenic substances found in SKUB
How you can be pro-skub is beyond me....the science speaks for itself.edit on 1/4/2013 by Theflyingweldsman because: the more the merrier
Originally posted by rockintitz
Here are some statistics for you to consider:
Number of deaths for leading causes of death:
Heart disease: 597,689
Chronic lower respiratory diseases: 138,080
Stroke (cerebrovascular diseases): 129,476
Accidents (unintentional injuries): 120,859
Alzheimer's disease: 83,494
Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome, and nephrosis: 50,476
Influenza and Pneumonia: 50,097
Intentional self-harm (suicide): 38,364
Number of deaths: 16,259
Deaths per 100,000 population: 5.3
Number of deaths: 11,078
Deaths per 100,000 population: 3.6
Source: Deaths: Final Data for 2010, table 10, 11
So there you have it, folks. Firearm deaths account for .003% of the population.
Ok. I'm not going to dispute the fact that guns should be outlawed. Let's face it, humanity sucks. We will always try to harm one another, and a gun is the most efficient way to do just that.
So let's make buying or owning a gun illegal, since we are all humans, and as humans we are all .003% likely to kill another human with a firearm. It's that simple.
But the reason I am posting today is not because of guns. It's because of all these other dastardly causes of death in the US. So here is my outline of what we should do to eliminate ALL deaths, and we can all finally tell nature to screw off!
Having a heart in this day and age is obviously a big problem. I mean, 600,000 people die every year because they were born with a HEART! I propose we make owning a heart illegal immediately. There is no time to wait! Every day over 1500 people die at the hands of their heart!
Ok, so no more hearts, we all good with that? Let's all get our president to executive order the S--- out of that right away.
Well this one's easy. Let's just outlaw hot dogs, baby powder, bleach, GMO crops, diet cola, artificial sweeteners, air fresheners, shampoo, condensed soup, fried chicken, yogurt, baby food, cigarettes, and THE SUN.
Chronic lower respiratory disease:
I have no idea what that is, and I'm not much in a researching mood. So I'm just gonna plaster "The War On Chronic Lower Respiratory Disease" all over the MSM. It should be eliminated in about a week.
See Chronic Lower Respiratory Disease.
Well darn, it seems like you can regulate almost anything and still people manage to accidentally kill themselves. Um... well... lets eradicate carelessness?
I've been saying for a long time that the brain is the #1 killer. Well I was wrong, because its #6. But still, that's not good. SO NO MORE BRAINS! Duh...
Sugar? Ok, that's tough, it's in almost everything. How about we make people go through a 6-week mandatory training, annually, so they can earn the freedom to eat sugar. If that's not enough, we'll impose ridiculous taxes so that buying a candy bar means taking out a second mortgage. And you'll also have to register that candy bar with the department of homeland security.
Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome, and nephrosis:
See Chronic Lower Respiratory Disease
Influenza & Pneumonia:
Government grants to NyQuil!
Ok we're finally at the end. We are all now protected from everything that could ever possibly harm us. Except... ourselves. It's best just to stop thinking now. Can we make that illegal?
Well that's my say on how to make the world a better place. It's so simple! If we just eliminate every single object that could possibly do us harm, no one would have to die! Yeah AMERIKER!
Also, you have to agree with me, because independent thinking is now a federal offense.