Lookin' for Love in all the wrong places

I'm one person who doesn't wear my heart on my sleeve, But I'm very jealous of the love many receive from others. Particularly their romantic partners. Yes, I used the word partner instead of girlfriend or wife. I'm not traditional in my search of a partner. Marriage to me seems alien and backwards. Like it is not about love, but more a title the many abuse and end up setting bad examples for marriage. The reason I use partnership is because I see that whoever the couple partnership is built of trust and true love. Where they're more of a team than just husband and wife. Maybe it's just me because my parents are the only two people who I could see a successful marriage with heart aches and make ups. I never been to a wedding or met another couple with a successful marriage like my parents. People in my life have set bad examples of different relationships with bad habits. Even on television I see how couples have cheat of their partners, have children out of wedlock, etc. Everything is a bad example and not surprisingly reflects how I seen many couples and parents. Which has kept me thinking I do want to a successful relationship. But how do I achieve my goal? The only woman I can see who will be my ideal partner is a woman who will identify as a Christian. Even though I'm an atheist I have always appreciated how all the different women who identify as Christian look and dress, act respectful, have good habits, and everything else I want in a partner. But they want men who are Christian and would most likely want to get married. Darn roadblocks. My friend Paul; who is also an atheist, and I were talking about the type of women we find attractive. We both agree that it makes sense we'll go to church just to flirt with the different women. But he wants more of a traditional family because he never had that in his life. He just has father who is disabled and he does great in helping him with his daily needs. Sorry about rambling. I'm just looking for my true love and help in making it happen in my life.

The thing with being bitter....chews you up and turns you bad. Been it/seen it/done it/ regret it.

Why is it so important to you ? Because everyone else has it ? Few things in life I have learnt is :

Sometimes you have to sacrifice things for people that matter ( Even if it means you not being happy)

Never want to be different or fit in just because others are. Be yourself.

Life is crap and full of failures buts its the achievements that make it worth living ! Better to wait a while and have it all , than rush and have nothing. Go out have fun ! If something good comes from it ...happy days ,If it dont.... sh*t happens !

You cant rush happiness and if you try then you are a fool.

reply to post by Phoenix267


Dear Phoenix267,

The only woman I can see who will be my ideal partner is a woman who will identify as a Christian. Even though I'm an atheist I have always appreciated how all the different women who identify as Christian look and dress, act respectful, have good habits, and everything else I want in a partner. But they want men who are Christian and would most likely want to get married. Darn roadblocks. My friend Paul; who is also an atheist, and I were talking about the type of women we find attractive. We both agree that it makes sense we'll go to church just to flirt with the different women. But he wants more of a traditional family because he never had that in his life. He just has father who is disabled and he does great in helping him with his daily needs. Sorry about rambling. I'm just looking for my true love and help in making it happen in my life.

I sort of giggled when I read your OP. There is a verse in the New Testament saying that a Christian should not marry a non-Christian; but, if they are already married to a non-Christian they should remain married. I find it sort of disturbing that you would fake being a Christian to find a good wife. If I were to ever remarry, it would only be to a Christian. I do not think it would be right to marry an Atheist or even an agnostic because our values would be so incredibly different (and I have many friends who are non-believers). There are many very decent, loving, caring, wonderful non-believers out there. If you are an Atheist would you truly want your children to be brought up Christian if you think it is untrue?

reply to post by Phoenix267

I'm probably misunderstanding, but are you saying that you have to choose between being an atheist and having the type of "life partner" you want?

Let me assure that the last thing you want to do is get into a deep relationship with the wrong woman. There are many women who are wrong for you for everyone that is right. The right partner is a treasure beyond words.

Forgive my boldness, but you are young. Have you seriously studied and committed yourself to atheism? That's a huge question everyone has to face, but for you it has the additional importance of choosing a life partner.

My apologies if I misunderstood.

reply to post by AQuestion


I thought my opening post was kind of silly. You're right there are great women who are atheist. But it's hard to find them. That is why I see the church as the best place for me to find what I'm looking for in my life. Christian women already have the values I would want, but I do fear how my children will be raised because I'm not a religious person. Maybe I'm just confused and lonely. Eh, I feel cheesy.

reply to post by charles1952


I'm confident in being an atheist and will not change my views. I was thinking of trying to find a life partner at a church we're I feel would work and be successful.

Let me assure that the last thing you want to do is get into a deep relationship with the wrong woman. There are many women who are wrong for you for everyone that is right. The right partner is a treasure beyond words.

I agree with you here. I'm scared, but I feel time is running out. That is why I see church as the most logical place for a man like me. Despite being an atheist I feel a woman who identifies as Christian would be perfect. But I would hold the same beliefs with a girl who is an atheist. I just feel confused about this. It's been awhile since I dated someone. You think radically when you're single and lonely.

reply to post by Rule34


Thanks for your comment. I agree I should be patient and try to archive for the best. Thanks again.

reply to post by Phoenix267

Dear Phoenix267,

It's been awhile since I dated someone. You think radically when you're single and lonely.

I truly do know what you mean. I've got stories . . . but, I suppose everyone does.

OK, stay atheist, I just wanted to check. May I suggest then that you look for a "liberal" Christian? Southern Baptist may not be your best choice. Probably not a Catholic either. Or, an Evangelical or Fundamentalist. But there are several Christian denominations which would be much more open to you. Unitarian Universalist is the first one that comes to mind.

Now I'm just going to start babbling. You haven't really asked for suggestions, and these are coming off the top of my head with absolutely no thought. In fact, you should probably ignore them.

You won't find the right one instantly, so what to do in the meantime? Find a group of people you can spend time with and share activities? An animal shelter? A service club (preferably co-ed)? Volunteer at the library? Join an eco-group?

No, time is not running out. I know a guy who married a "wrong" woman. Terrible mistake. They split and he remarried. At age 51.

It's late and I'm probably not coherent, but I mean well.

With respect,
Charles1952

reply to post by charles1952


Thanks for wanting to help me out. I'll use the site Meet Up and see what groups on there.

Originally posted by Phoenix267
reply to post by AQuestion

 

I thought my opening post was kind of silly. You're right there are great women who are atheist. But it's hard to find them. That is why I see the church as the best place for me to find what I'm looking for in my life. Christian women already have the values I would want, but I do fear how my children will be raised because I'm not a religious person. Maybe I'm just confused and lonely. Eh, I feel cheesy.

Dear Phoenix267,

I did not find your statements funny, they are quite reasonable. I my answers funny. I immediately thought of what it said about a Christian marrying a non-Christian. They would have to be a christian that did not know their bible. The alternative is that you would have had to have lied to them and have claimed that you were a Christian. Who would want to begin a relationship on a lie. Try the Sierra club or some organization that has many good hearted Atheists, they are out there. Having values is not exclusively Christian. There are other things that are. Real Christians forgive everyone and believe that what we do here effects us for eternity, that it defines our true nature and soul. Peace. I promise, I was not laughing at you, I was amused by what the answer to your question is.

Originally posted by Phoenix267
Eh, I feel cheesy.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

I don't know if they're christian...

Lmao



I had to.

Hmm, I could never be with a christian. It irks me to the high heavens (ahha) how self righteous they are. And it's Easter, the local Free to Air tv has been pushing easter christian let god and jesus into your lives, adverts. Makes me want to punch the tv.

I don't hate the people. I hate their attitude. I've known decent people who are religious, and they can be wonderful people. But there is that deep inner thing they have, that sometimes comes out and explodes. It's as if they are programmed and when the program starts, they turn off. Really irks me.

I went to a doctor many years ago suffereing a bout of severe depression. He told me to get a wife, go fishing or go to church - handed me some xtian propaganda.

Yeah, suffice to say, I never went back to that idiot. MEDICAL profession, not spiritual advisor. took my money though.

No, I don't find the mindset attractive at all. I find it repulsive. To have so little faith in yourself that you must believe in god. To refuse that things are the way they are, and attribute a plan to a god.. meh. ignorance.

Oh but then again, I'm single. ha. take that, self. Snookered by my own prejudice.

relationships.. I've never really understood why people need someone else to feel complete. But then I've never had that.

If you are an atheist ( so am I and proud of it but that's another thread) you should be looking for someone similar to yourself or at least be honest about it to people that do worship a God (any God ) basing a relationship on a lie..... Think about that one, its doomed to fail !

So many women to choose from ,Lots and lots of bad ones around but you do find good honest ones with morals and values. My partner is a good woman , dresses good , wont swear and has very high morals and values and she puts me in my place when needed , OK very often ! Shes an atheist as well.

Going to church to pull chicks ? Not going to work is it. Jealousy is a natural thing but you need to get that out of you and and go out and meet a decent woman...or 2 ....or 3. I should be laughing but I do feel for you.

Good luck bro !

reply to post by winofiend


Dear winofiend,

You pick the worst examples of people claiming to be christians to define Christianity. If I pick the worst Athesits, should they define Atheism for me? What if I choose Mao to be the example of Atheism, would you feel I was being bigoted?

reply to post by Rule34


Thanks and I agree. haha. I'll continue to think it over and see what's the best option for me at the moment. Meet some different people. Have fun and all that.

Originally posted by Phoenix267
reply to post by Rule34

 

Thanks and I agree. haha. I'll continue to think it over and see what's the best option for me at the moment. Meet some different people. Have fun and all that.

Do you a deal ....

You go out and have some fun ! when you meet the woman of your dreams give me a shout and I will come to wedding lol. Life is to short for jealousy and what ifs..... Live it good and go for it !!!!