A little background on myself: (AKA My life story)
I grew up in a small town (Population less than 5,000). I have never had an issue with controlling anger, never been in a fight, never picked on, etc.
I had a fairly typical childhood filled with some mischief and generally good times with friends. I have always had an issue with anxiety though.
It started off small, not wanting to go into gas stations to pay for my parents' gas. I think at this point everyone just assumed I was a shy
person.Later on, phone calls began to be an issue. Every time I would hear the phone ring, I would ignore it. If another family member answered, I
would make sure that they lied and said I was not home. As time progressed more and more activities were cut from my life, to the point where my
friends would actually come over against my wishes because they knew it was the only way to get me out of my house.
Post-highschool was an interesting point in my life. I was being forced out into the world with seemingly horrible people skills. The driving force
behind it was me, however. My parents wanted me to stay, and I was the first of my friends to leave the town. I shipped off to boot camp shortly after
I won't go into great detail on my time in the USMC. To sum it up, I felt it was a toxic environment and was greatly disappointed when it destroyed my
high view of military members. I made great friends and experienced wonderful things, but overall I feel that it was taxing on me mentally.
Fast forward to present day. I am in my twenties and have been out of the USMC for a good while. I have been married for a few years now, but my
anxiety issues seem to be growing and growing. My fear of phone calls can best be described as telephonophobia. I have cut ties with most friends,
only seeing a couple maybe once a year.
My real issue is public places. Not only do I constantly avoid crowds, I have an issue with every single person I see. If I go out in public, I do so
expecting to be attacked (or having to attack) at some point in time. Every person I pass I analyze their body type / actions and try to work out how
to incapacitate said person if needed. While it usually doesn't happen with females or the elderly, it can if I sense the slightest bit of hostility.
If you are a male aged 20-55, you can be fairly certain that I have prepared for a conflict in some way.
I am not a angry person, and I do not pick fights. I do not drink alcohol, because I have found it to send me into a rage on more than one occasion.
(Also because I hate hangovers)
The only relief I have found to my problems, is something I cannot discuss on this website. California has made this resource available to me through
a doctors prescription, but I still think it is against the ToS. While it is indeed quite helpful there is, as you may know, a very negative
stereotype that accompanies it's use. Due to my current career endevours (firefighting) I need to find an alternate way to function normally in public
I discussed my symptoms with a social worker, only to be recommended to an anger management program 100 miles away. I was told it is most likely not
PTSD, and to keep with my current 'medication' as long as it helps. Because of school and work, I am unable to devote time to commuting to anger
So, my ultimate intent for this thread is to have everyone to discuss their anxieties (whether similar or not) and, perhaps, for us all to share how
we cope with it in our everyday lives.
edit on 27-3-2013 by DaveWx3 because: Accidental post before ready