Ladies, be aware of your surroundings!!!

This is a true story I think everyone should be aware of. I need to do some background info first though. I have traveled alone since I was 14. I have met up with internet friends in person, even shared a car and Hotel with them on the first day of meeting them while touring following Tori Amos. I've picked up a Hitch Hiker or two and they had great stories and were wonderful people. I've also driven past a million, just because of a feeling.

I have been in bad situations and out-smarted them either before the threat became a reality or after. I am called "paranoid" by most because I am so wary of certain places, people, or things, sometimes without any other reason than what I call "Intuition".

I have started reading a book on verbal and physical cues that someone is a threat, a book which encourages intuition because most people write it off as something that does not exist.

Two weeks ago I was driving alone in broad daylight home from out of town. I stopped at a gas station I had been to before but was in the middle of nowhere, I didn't have enough gas to get to the next one that was more populated so I had to go.

Habitually, being so "paranoid" I scoped out the exterior and in the window and confirmed the clerk was a woman. I paid for my gas and a drink, put on the pump and stared off at the exit. I always thought this exit was bizarre because you get on and off at the same place. I sat there looking at the idiotic design of this exit/entrance to the Interstate trying to figure out the logic of doing this at such a remote exit. I stared at the slightly wooded area behind it admiring the beautiful day.

I put the nozzle back, got in the car and locked the doors instantly out of habit before I fussed around with my purse I had dropped on the floor and dug through all my crap to find a cigarette. I opened my drink, maybe 3-4 minutes had passed at the very most since I got back in my car.

I pulled off right where I was staring to get back on to the interstate. I noticed a hitch hiker and never thought once about picking him up, gut feeling. I shot him a peace sign and sped up as I passed.

Two weeks later, reading this book, today I realize for the first time... despite my proclaimed paranoia, despite what I already know about safety, that man was not standing there when I pulled off the exit or while staring across to where I saw him next. I had not seen him walking on the road when I had pulled off the interstate, I had scoped out all the surroundings of the gas station and down the roads to my left and right and he wasn't there.

Logically I deduce this man was just sitting inside the wooded area profiling cars to find women alone or vulnerable victims.

Maybe I'm just paranoid.

Watch your surroundings ladies.

Good observation. And you are probably correct that he was hiding in the woods. Although you were looking at the woods and its beauty while pumping your gas, that may not have been what made you look there initially. There probably was some movement or his clothing clashed with the surrounding colors of the trees while he was hiding. You probably saw it but didn't tune into it totally....good catch!!!
And always walk with your head up , never looking down at your feet or the ground. ! Too may people walk looking down or at their phone while walking and that makes them a target.

Originally posted by Meldionne1
Good observation. And you are probably correct that he was hiding in the woods. Although you were looking at the woods and its beauty while pumping your gas, that may not have been what made you look there initially. There probably was some movement or his clothing clashed with the surrounding colors of the trees while he was hiding. You probably saw it but didn't tune into it totally....good catch!!!
And always walk with your head up , never looking down at your feet or the ground. ! Too may people walk looking down or at their phone while walking and that makes them a target.

I, out of experience and habit, never dull any of my senses... such as looking at a phone, listening to headphones, etc. You are absolutely right, -something- tipped me off I am not aware of. Considering all of my "road dog" days traversing the country with strangers, I cannot believe it took me two weeks to realize this incredible red flag.

At least you recognized it...even if it was later on...every time you recognize a red flag , it makes you that much smarter , aware and observant. There are too many people in this world who are not observant and are wrapped up in their own issue at the moment and not paying attention. Unfortunately there are bad people in the world and they like easy targets. ...

Also, in retrospect... damned hindsight... I was a likely victim, even if he didn't know it. The back of my car is covered in groovy hippie stickers and a female stick figure sticker with a little boy stick figure. The hitch hikers I have picked up were in a "hippie town" for the most part and my gut said they were alright, and they were. This guy had dreads, classic hippie patchwork garb, like someone not unlike me just trying to get to a show. Yet, it never crossed my mind. Learn something new every day!

Remembering more, still. I recall glancing quickly in my rear view mirror as I passed to see him spin around and stare at the back of my car, which might have triggered me to speed up to prevent him catching a license plate or any other telling marks on my vehicle. Maybe a stretch, but the things we do instinctively are just incredible.

Yes, excellent observation
I know exactly what you mean.

I'm a 21 year old woman, and my intuition has saved my ass several times.
My first incident was when I was 14, it was around 9pm and was waiting a bus stop to get home 1 mile away.
The area of the bus stop was in a familiar and generally non-dangerous area, but eerily quiet.

A man walked over and stood a few meters away, presumably waiting for the bus also. After 2 minutes he asked me for the time. I gave it to him. A minute passed by and he was making small talk.
He knew the bus terminated a mile away so was aware of where he and I were heading..
I informed him I was joining my friend on the bus at this stop (I always plant a similar story when alone with a stranger).

He paused for a minute and suggested "Wouldn't it be quicker to walk through the fields, we're both going the same place"

His observation about the fields was correct, however I naturally do not use that route after dark.

Any way my "danger" alarm went off, and I patted my pockets - I informed him I left my purse at my friends, I'd have to go back round the corner to get it, and I'd promptly return.

I didn't..I went to my friends, informed the police and got safely home.

Turns out he had committed a few sexual assaults in the area - so I'm glad I avoided that one.

There have been other occasions where I have had cars following me (in unsavory area's of my city I only travel to when I have to), and it's only because I'm observant, I spot them.

Just the other month I was in my local area, which is usually relatively safe, to find my self just avoiding being dragged into a car by some Asians.
I've never heard of such antics in the area before.
9pm, bus stop, Asian gets off the bus opposite and presumably walks past me to an unknown destination.
I'm alone at the bus stop for ten minutes, when the Asian appears from no where and pokes his head in the shelter likes it a door.

He looks at me with a stupid grin and says............"Hello"
Now I'm quite a cynical person- I raised an eyebrow and "Hi".

He walked in and we sat in silence for about 3 minutes, then he started asking me random questions about the buses. He asked what buses came here, and if they all went to town. I answered him in a flat and efficient manner. He looked a bit agitated, like he was trying to think of more random questions to ask me..then he asked me about a bus that didn't come here...all very odd considering he ended up here.

He was fidgety and nervous..I didn't like it, so I went to leave the stop to continue to a stop up the road, he immediately hopped into the door frame and asked me if i worked - quite eccentrically.

At that point I physically moved him from the door (he was nerdy and nervous - not scary), and walked hastily past him, I got 6 meters and turned the corner to be confronted with midnight blue, glittery car, parked right up tight on the verge, with it's nose pressing against the wall I was rounding - I immediately clocked eyes with the driver - I didn't even break my stride but took a hard left and jogged about 70 meters to the local social club.

After discussing it with a local acquaintance I got on the bus the nearest stop from the club - On my way home, about 2 stops from where the encounter happened the same man got on the bus, he saw me, ducked his head and went up stairs. I noticed the blue car tailing the bus.

I got off where I had to, just outside a pub, I walked straight over to the pub for shelter to assess if they had gone away. They had. I got home safely.

But to this day, it seems the whole thing is well thought out. A scout on the bus looking for likely targets, that guy had a purpose for talking to me, and not wanting me to leave, and that car was pulled up with a driver and a passenger ...And they seemed to be utilizing bus passengers...

In this dangerous and perverted environment (that seems to be accelerating) one has no choice but to be vigilant - it could be the difference between life and death.

The authorities are largely turning a blind eye to it, and yes, a lot of it is culturally biased, but that's another thing the government don't want to address.

reply to post by ObservingYou


That story strikes so close to home.

I was closing a coffee shop one afternoon around 5 on a remote street made of brick that no one went down because the only thing there was this urban little coffee shop. I was at the passenger side of my car by the time I noticed a red SUV slow then speed up unreasonably down this road in which the speed limit was 15mph. I don't know why, I ran like I never had in my life to the other side of my car at the driver's side. They were behind my car at this point, parked in a slant. I threw the locks shut (locking one locked the rest) cranked my car, put it in drive when I realized my window was cracked. Literally just as I pressed the gas and started rolling up my window they were tugging at my drivers side door.

You can't be too careful no matter who you are these days. No matter what neighborhood you're in, or how safe you think you are, people will do crazy things sometimes, and there's just no good way to know for sure.

Trust your instincts.

I wanted to get Mod approval before I posted the book but it is called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Beckner available on Kindle (free to download to pc) for a reasonable price at Amazon.

Good advice. My daughter and I were traveling to Alabama from Texas. We were in a heavily wooded area of Mississippi and we really had to go. Typically, as a female, I tend to try to find a town to go potty, but we had our back teeth floating and couldn't wait anymore, so we noticed a dirt area where various travelers had pulled over.

There was a old man standing outside his pickup truck, looking like he was just taking a break from driving. He gave me a creepy vibe but we were desperate and it was in the middle of the day, so we followed a well-worn trail into the woods so we could go.

As we were doing our business, I thought I heard some leaves rustling, so I hurried up and told my daughter (who was 17 at the time) to speed it up. She turned around and there was that old creep exposing himself and heading towards us.

We bolted out of there right quick and yelled "There's a pervert in the woods!" The women who were pulled over freaked out and jumped into their vehicles.

Many places that travelers use to pull over, or just to take a break and stretch their legs, are often hot spots for weirdos. I typically carry a heavy old iron crow bar with me when I travel, but I had left it in the car. I'll never do that again! Better to go in an old drink cup that leave ourselves vulnerable like that.

reply to post by FissionSurplus


ANOTHER story I can relate to! A good friend and I were kayaking at a huge lake in the mountains. We stopped at our favorite spot and played her flute and messed around and acted like girls for a while. The lake was incredibly quiet, no boats, no nothing, we had the whole thing to ourselves! Well we decided to skinny dip, no threat right? We swam out a bit from the peninsula our kayak and gear was at and we were laughing and talking and she got uncharacteristically quiet. She gave me a look only a friend of 20 years would know. Danger. I didn't turn around, my back to the land. She was facing it. Without moving her lips she said "There is a man behind a tree watching us don't move" well I moved, I turned around and yelled "CAN WE HELP YOU?" as we slowly treaded water further away from shore. "Oh nooo nooo just looking around, you guys camping here tonight?" sometimes we are not on the same page. I screamed out "YES" as she yelled out "NO". My reasoning for yes was that he would come back later at night instead of messing with us now in daylight. After a while of pacing on his part uncomfortably near our gear, cell phones, and only means to get out of there (and some more conversation I can't quite remember) he left. We hauled it back to shore, got in that kayak faster than I ever knew possible and got the hell out of there.

reply to post by ValentineWiggin


Ladies?, hell guys too.
If your gut or your dog says no, don't go there!
This is my way.

Originally posted by g146541
reply to post by ValentineWiggin

 

Ladies?, hell guys too.
If your gut or your dog says no, don't go there!
This is my way.

I had intentions of including men, I forgot. My bad.

Or perhaps you're just not as observant as you would like to believe.
Patting yourself on the back over an imagined and unverifiable threat is kind of odd.

I'm not saying it's not good that you are checking out your surroundings, it is good. But being over confidant can be just as bad as being unaware.

Originally posted by watchitburn
Or perhaps you're just not as observant as you would like to believe.
Patting yourself on the back over an imagined and unverifiable threat is kind of odd.

I'm not saying it's not good that you are checking out your surroundings, it is good. But being over confidant can be just as bad as being unaware.

That was my point, SIR. I even starred you for pointing out the obvious.

Originally posted by ValentineWiggin

Originally posted by watchitburn
Or perhaps you're just not as observant as you would like to believe.
Patting yourself on the back over an imagined and unverifiable threat is kind of odd.

I'm not saying it's not good that you are checking out your surroundings, it is good. But being over confidant can be just as bad as being unaware.

That was my point, SIR. I even starred you for pointing out the obvious.

edit on 24-3-2013 by ValentineWiggin because: (no reason given)

That was way too passive-aggressive. He (if watchitburn is a male) was making a point which I could totally relate to: be safe and careful, but the behaviour of anyone can be taken for a hostile position - which it is usually not.
Of course, listening to your guts and vibes is a vital thing, it helped your ancestors to survive for millenia.

This thread made me think of something I've noticed over the years, and let me just assume the ladies posting in this thread are American. Firstly, bravo to all of you for having a brain, thinking logically, and being safe.

That said......

I'm a Canadian. I've spent a lot of time in the US and I've noticed a totally different vibe there. Back home, it's customary for people to make eye contact, like passing each other on a side walk. It's common for people to hold the door open for someone, in fact, I've done that and stood there for a good 3 minutes letting everyone else in before me, cause I'm a nice guy sometimes.

What I noticed in the US was the reaction. At home, I make eye contact smile, there's a shared nod, and we pass each other. I hold the door open, smile, nod, the person says thank you, and walks in.

In the US, I make eye contact (I'm not a scary looking guy either) and, men or women, they grab their belongings closer to them, heads go down, brisk walk past the "stranger danger".

I held the door open for people once in New York. I can only describe it as a look of pure horror on that woman's face, like I was going to rape her mid entrance to a busy city street.

I get the cultural differences, but may I suggest something here.....

Hope for the best, but expect the worst. Plan for the hitchhiker to be an axe murderer, but don't just assume he is off the bat. The anecdote that started this whole thread, to me, is a non situation, you passed some guy hitchhiking, case closed. Of course, I wouldn't pick up hitchhikers period, bad experiences with that, but just because the guy was hiking, and you had a feeling... I wouldn't immediately assume you just avoided a life and death situation because of your heightened senses.

In fact, as the OP continues to relate similar stories, I have to say, wow, you must be a very attractive woman to have narrowly escaped so many rapists and murderers.

Being smart is one thing, becoming overly paranoid is another. I hope everyone can find the balance of willing to have faith in others, while also being cautious.

Of course, listening to your guts and vibes is a vital thing, it helped your ancestors to survive for millenia.

Indeed, but paranoia completely destroys any useful information your gut and vibes can give you if you let it.

reply to post by ValentineWiggin

You seem a bit over-confident rather than overly paranoid - DO NOT EVER even think of picking someone up on the side of the road EVER!!!

Be aware of our surroundings? Women live on an unrealised agenda that they could, at any time, be attacked in any way.
From a young age, we're taught to avoid certain neighbourhoods at night, to always stick to well lit paths on the way home, they have womens self defence classes, attack alarms, pepper spray all marketed for women.
How many times have I walked home with my keys in my hand hidden in my sleeve in case someone was to grab me? Without even realising it?
Women are told from such a young age that men can’t help themselves. Girls and women are supposed to control their what they eat, their farts and poops, their facial expressions, their words, their sexual appetites, their clothes, their make up. Men and boys? Can do whatever the hell they want. Guys who eat as much as they like, burp, sweat, swear, and have sex when and how they please are neither reprimanded nor socially punished; often, in fact, they are glorified. And men who rape? Are usually just “boys being boys.”

The threat of violence is a universal experience for women (and gay/gender queer people). It binds us together. And the organization of our lives according to a rape schedule is not easy; it takes mental effort. And it starts early — I remember being concerned about sexual assault as early as 13 years old, after a much older man commented on my breasts in a public park. Can you imagine what we might use that brainspace for? There are so many other beautiful, fascinating and lovely thoughts that might fill the space that we are forced to reserve for violence prevention. Men do not have to negotiate the constant threat of violence in the same way as women.

You're not being paranoid. This agenda is real. You do have to be constantly aware of everything, and arming yourself with the extra knowledge is good and bad. Good, because it prepares you and helps you read the cues. Bad, because you shouldn't have to...