Wonderfully Unforgettable Failures

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posted on Mar, 23 2013 @ 06:11 PM
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Have you ever done something that went horribly wrong or was just downright stupid, but now look back on it as a fond memory? Please post these failures here.

My downright stupid, wonderful, unforgettable memory is when I took my 9 year old daughter panning for gold in a brook in our back yard. I bought the real panning bowls and a metal detector to make sure we weren't picking up little chunks of fool's gold.

A sunny Saturday morning made it perfect to be outside with my barefooted little angel. I handed her a panning bowl and used mine to show and tell how it was done. Gold always sinks lower than dirt and rock, so we have to scoop up a little bit of earth and swirl it in the pan to let the gold settle to the bottom. I did this while slowly picking off the top debris and...! GOLD!

It was shiny. It was golden. It was beautiful in the sunlight. Unfortunately most of it was just specks that we couldn't pick up, but every now and then we got a fleck that would stick on the tip our fingers. For safe keeping we deposited these flecks in the empty cigarette pack I had on me.

After an hour or two we had quite a few pieces of gold. Okay, some were just shiny pebbles that my daughter had picked up, but I wanted her to stay excited, which was pretty easy to do. She loved her dad so much that if I had asked her to go shoveling horse poop with me she would have screamed with delight.

Anyway, after a time we had found enough gold that I felt sure the metal detector would pick up on it. If it was fool's gold, the metal detector wouldn't beep. If real, then it would beep. I ran the detector over a grassy area first to make sure no underground metal would interfere with the detector. Then I placed the cigarette pack on the ground and passed the detector over it.

BEEP!

I must admit I was totally excited, but still not totally convinced. I cleared another area of the ground and ran the test again.

BEEP!

OMG! It was REAL GOLD!

My daughter danced around and screeched with delight. Then, we got down to the business of becoming filthy rich. We talked about what we were going to do with a brazillion dollars. Me: buy mansions and yachts and maybe a small island. Her: ponies and dolls and gifts for everyone. Me and my little girl; it was truly one of the best mornings of my life.

We still hadn't collected enough gold for me to feel the weight of it in my hand, but I decided it was time to take the gold to a jeweler to see what a morning's worth of panning for gold would yield in cold hard cash.

We watched the jeweler slide one of the pieces of gold on some kind of scratch pad and then he added a little chemical to it. "Sorry, it's pyrite," he said (fool's gold).

I asked how it could be pyrite when I kept it in a cigarette pack made of paper and ran a metal detector over it? The jeweler thought about it for a minute, then asked, "Did you take the aluminum foil out of the cigarette pack?"

IDIOT is my name. The metal detector was beeping off the foil!


But the day wasn't a total loss. Later I had taken my daughter swimming at a public beach. I kept one eye on her playing in the water while using my metal detector on the beach. I found sixty cents; enough for a well deserved coffee back then.

Panning bowls: 12 bucks.
Metal detector: 70 bucks.
My daughter: priceless, of course.
The memory of that Saturday morning: Pure Gold.
edit on 3/23/2013 by jiggerj because: (no reason given)
edit on 3/23/2013 by jiggerj because: (no reason given)
edit on 3/23/2013 by jiggerj because: (no reason given)




posted on Mar, 23 2013 @ 06:20 PM
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I enjoyed your story, it was thoroughly cute and entertaining.

Mine is short, "my exfiance, fin."



posted on Mar, 23 2013 @ 06:21 PM
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Hitler wanted a peace treaty with the British Empire, and war with Russia but in nineteen thirty nine he ended up with the exact opposite. The Charge of the Light Brigade, Singapore, Neville Chamberlain "peace in our time", Lord Chelmsford's invasion of Zululand attack being the best means of defence (Isandlwana).

It's strange really because when you mention glorious failures military ones come immediately to mind.



posted on Mar, 23 2013 @ 06:22 PM
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reply to post by jiggerj
 

I once tried to con the tooth fairy.
My younger brother and I lost a tooth at the same time, and put them under our respective pillows.
I thought I could see a way to obtain two sixpences.
I extracted the tooth from my brother's bedroom, and placed it under my own. Two teeth.
To prevent him from noticing the loss, I replaced the tooth with a sixpence of my own (obviously mathematics was not my strong point, or I would have realised that I was gaining nothing).
Later on- the next day, presumably- I heard our mother congratulating my brother on the sixpence found under his pillow.
I looked under mine. Still two teeth.
Nothing was said, but the lesson was learnt.



posted on Mar, 23 2013 @ 06:41 PM
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You are a great dad! I have nothing to add much more than that. You already found gold in the love for your daughter. Absolutely priceless. Should we all be so lucky to have a dad like you. Great story.



posted on Mar, 23 2013 @ 07:10 PM
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My father and brother often went hunting together during the season. I was kinda jealous f their time together, so one day I asked my father to take me along on the next hunt. I was about 12.

Now,I could hold my own with a .22 rifle; my father taught us to shoot at an early age. I loved fishing, and thought squirrel hunting would be a snap.

So off we set, pre-dawn, rifles in hand. As we walked, scanning the trees for signs of our quarry, I began to rally thnk things through.

Squirrels= cuteness. Rifle=dead squirrel. What had I been thinking? I couldn't shoot a squirrel!

So it was that we came across a patch of scrub that Dd said would be ideal cover. We crouched and silently awaited the arrival of our intended prey.

A few minutes later, a squirrel appeared. My brother said he'd take the first shot, and aimed at the unsuspecting critter.

I couldn't let him do it. I stood up and, in my loudest voice, shouts for the squirrel to"Run for your life!"

We caught no squirrels that day.....and I was never agin allowed to join in on a hunt.

Good times.



posted on Mar, 23 2013 @ 07:26 PM
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I have one to add. My wife will want to see this one too.....

One fine day while in Ticonderoga, New York picking up a load of paper rolls, I was in the process of dropping one trailer and picking up another. My wife was with me and a team driver at the time with a company called Cannon Express. Well, she was still in her training and I was her trainer, as it happens.

I'd just gotten done with a midsize lecture about the hazards and pitfalls of not being attentive and deliberate each and every time when hooking the bobtail (front truck) to the trailer. The trailer simply has a pin about 3.5-4" in diameter that goes into the 5th wheel. That's it. Nothing else keeping them attached. So, it's critical to check.

In all the time I spent focusing on teaching her ...I hadn't fully checked my connection and the order of things. So, when we hopped in and got set to go, I backed up into the trailer to confirm, for certain, it locked before pulling forward to tug test the connection.........

....when the trailer backed up further than my truck did.....

Yes..I dropped a 45,000lb load in a 15,000 pound trailer right off the 5th wheel and...thank god...caught it in time to lock the brakes before it cleared off the frame too .... behind the trailer, 3 feet further, was a steep slope into a holding pond for the plant's waste water.

We look back now, when either of us thinks of it, and it's funny...now. The lesson the teacher almost failed in a most spectacular way.


(For any truckers out there who are curious? It took me over an hour in low gear to crank the trailer back up the 6 inches or so by landing gear that it needed to clear back onto the 5th wheel..)
edit on 23-3-2013 by Wrabbit2000 because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 23 2013 @ 07:50 PM
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reply to post by Wrabbit2000
 


The stories are great, folks! Thanks for adding them.

Your memory, Wrabbit, had me clenching my fist in horror of what might have happened. Good stuff!



posted on Mar, 23 2013 @ 07:52 PM
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reply to post by smyleegrl
 


I would have done the same thing, Smylee! Even now my emotions erupt in a rage when I see a car deliberately swerving to try to hit a squirrel. I HATE that, but I LOVE your memory!



posted on Mar, 23 2013 @ 07:58 PM
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(obviously mathematics was not my strong point,
reply to post by DISRAELI
 


LOLOL I LOVE IT!



posted on Mar, 23 2013 @ 08:14 PM
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Got another one.

I was sixteen and had just earned my drivere's license. I bought a used Honda automatic for a fair price, but I really wanted to learn how to drive a manual transmission. So my father began teaching me how to drive his truck.

We started in parking lots. I once the car was moving, I had no problem switching gears. However, I just couldn't seem to grasp how to start in first gear when at a complete stop. Invariably, I would stall the car. If I did manage to start, it was with a series of whiplash inducing jerks.

Eventually I became better at driving the truck, so I decided, with all the cockiness of my 16 years, that I was ready to drive on the road. With traffic.

So my father agreed that I could drive us to church on Sunday in the truck. Off we went, with me merrily switching gears in what I thought was urban sophistication. No problem... I had this driving thing mastered.

Then we hit town. And traffic. And stop lights.

I got nervous, and stalled the truck at the first red light. My dad tried to calm me, but the cars honking behind me increased my anxiety. I managed to eventually lurch my way through the traffic signal, only to realize I faced at least five more red lights before we'd make it to church.

Grimly, I tightened my hands on the steering wheel and prepared to face the gauntlet. I stalled again at the second light, but did fine afterwards.

TSHTF when we arrived at the final stop light, approximately a block away from church. It was the peak of the tourist season, there were cars everywhere, and this final red light was on a hill.

Dear Lord.

The light turned green and I stalled it. Again and again I tried to move forward, only to have the car lurch forward and die.

Behind me was a growing cacophony of angry car horns and furious shouts.

So I did the only thing logical. I abandoned the truck and took to my heels, fleeing down the street and to the safe anonymity of church.

My Dad managed to drive the truck to church with no further incidents.

I didn't try driving a manual again for several years.



posted on Mar, 23 2013 @ 10:24 PM
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So I did the only thing logical. I abandoned the truck and took to my heels, fleeing down the street and to the safe anonymity of church.
reply to post by smyleegrl
 


That is sooo funny! I picture you running like a convict away from police. LOLOLOL

When I first got my license I was alone while driving my mother's car. A dog ran in front of me and I hit the brakes. I never hit the dog, but my nerves were rattled beyond sanity. I pulled into a parking lot that had a phone booth. I called my mom and told her to come and get me because I didn't want to drive anymore. She told me should couldn't come and get me. When I asked her why she said, "Because YOU have the car!"



posted on Mar, 23 2013 @ 11:10 PM
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jiggerj asked me to repost this from a thread I started in the Food and Cooking forum:

Many years ago when I was a boy (but not so long ago that dinosaurs roamed the Earth as my youngest child would believe), my mother made some homemade sausage patties. They were delicious and in some ways tasted better to me than store bought ones.

Over the years in as an adult (and being the cook in the family), I've made my own sausage patties off and on, which are very easy to do.

For several years now however, I've always wanted to try making other sausages that are stuffed in casings, ranging from breakfast pork sausages to dried hard salami.

I finally got around to getting a sausage stuffer from Weston. It's a 5 pound stuffer that came with 3 gauges of tubes. I was dithering on what to try and make first, when my youngest son, who's 10 suggested that I make homemade Slim Jims.

I thought the idea capital! I love Slim Jims myself, and a quick search on the internet provided for many different recipes to choose from.

My first problem was curing salt however. There are no stores in about a 50 mile radius here where I live that sells any kind of curing salt. They sell canning and pickling salt, but salt for curing meats needs sodium nitrate and sodium nitrite for what I wanted to make (no curing in the breakfast sausages needed).

So I ordered some Tender Quick from Morton online, a 2 pound bag, and it arrived shortly there after.

We got our meat ground up, all the spices and the curing salt added, then set it in the fridge for about 3 days so the meat could cure.

Finally we could set up the sausage stuffer and make our Slim Jims! I have a dehydrator that I was going to use to dry them out after that.

So I put everything together, and put the 19mm gauge tube on the stuffer. I was using collagen casings that I slipped over the tube. I lubed it up with cooking spray (you can use food grade silicon spray too), and I started to stuff.

Or that is I tried to.

First, I had NO idea how hard it is to stuff ground meat through a 19mm tube!
Second.......I then found out that I need to MOUNT my sausage stuffer! (so that's what those 4 holes in the 4 legs are for!).

So there we were, my wife trying to hold it down while I was pushing on the suffing lever for all I was worth......and the meat was barely coming out.

I got about two 6 inch links made before giving up. Without the stuffer being mounted, it was not going to happen.

So I replaced the 19mm gauge tube with my largest one, and stuffed a mahogany case instead. Went a lot smoother, and it's now in the oven at 200 deg for about the next 6 hours or so, drying out.

I guess for the smaller gauge stuff (pepperoni, Slim Jims, etc), I need to build a heavy duty stand and get it mounted, so I can put my full 250 pounds behind that lever.

Never thought that making something that's rather fattening would require you to have a heavy duty work out!



_______________________

Just wanted to add since I'm reposting this:

I found out earlier today that when it comes to the type of manual sausage stuffer I have (a "Horn" type), that you do not cure the meat in the fridge first, because the meat starts to become more like clay as it's curing. You are suppose to go ahead and stuff your sausages right away after mixing all the seasonings and curing salt, THEN put the links in the fridge for a few days to cure. I remember that when I mixed this, the meat was slippery and loose, but this morning it was a lot harder and more compact.
edit on 23-3-2013 by eriktheawful because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 24 2013 @ 05:20 AM
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reply to post by eriktheawful
 


My mother used to bake a pork roast smothered in orange marmalade. I could never get enough of it, and now I wonder what kind of a sausage that would make. I'm drooling just thinking about it. MMmMMM!



posted on Mar, 26 2013 @ 04:54 PM
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Originally posted by Knives4eyes
I enjoyed your story, it was thoroughly cute and entertaining.

Mine is short, "my exfiance, fin."


HaHa. I could say that too, but without the wonderful part.



posted on Mar, 27 2013 @ 02:23 PM
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OK, I've got one.

Back in 1982, my best friend and I took off from Kansas City on a fine day in mid-May for a week's travel around Colorado. Halfway across Kansas, winter told us "Hello, again." Snow and cold weather dogged us for most of the trip. The worst was our attempt to get over Wolf Creek Pass in a blizzard. We saw no problem, my Honda Accord had good M+S radials and front wheel drive - easy, yes? We passed every other car, laughing, and later, the cars pulled off on the shoulder. Later, we were alone - us, the trees, the falling snow, and the silence. The wipers began to clog with snow. Our speed went down. Finally, Neal, who was driving, told me he couldn't go any further. We changed places, and I got us rolling back downhill. We had to go into New Mexico to get around the snow to where we were headed (Grand Junction). I told him later that we could have died up there, but I remember it fondly.

A couple of years ago, I went over the same pass in good weather. It was anticlimactic, and a disappointment.



posted on Mar, 27 2013 @ 04:11 PM
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Originally posted by Lazarus Short
OK, I've got one.

Back in 1982, my best friend and I took off from Kansas City on a fine day in mid-May for a week's travel around Colorado. Halfway across Kansas, winter told us "Hello, again." Snow and cold weather dogged us for most of the trip. The worst was our attempt to get over Wolf Creek Pass in a blizzard. We saw no problem, my Honda Accord had good M+S radials and front wheel drive - easy, yes? We passed every other car, laughing, and later, the cars pulled off on the shoulder. Later, we were alone - us, the trees, the falling snow, and the silence. The wipers began to clog with snow. Our speed went down. Finally, Neal, who was driving, told me he couldn't go any further. We changed places, and I got us rolling back downhill. We had to go into New Mexico to get around the snow to where we were headed (Grand Junction). I told him later that we could have died up there, but I remember it fondly.

A couple of years ago, I went over the same pass in good weather. It was anticlimactic, and a disappointment.


That sounds positively frightening! I would've thought a little Honda would've been the first to get buried.





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