Originally posted by symptomoftheuniverse
We are all nutjobs however those that order wars and slaughter are completly sane.
But what about those 90% of people that believe in God?
You know, that man with the beard that has an army of angels at his command?
I could go on and on about how insane religion can be and how negative it can be.
But I won't dig further.
I will say that I probably have some disorder in the autistic range. Maybe something like ADHD or OCD or OCPD or something like that. But you know
what? I'm not interested in being fixed.
Leave me alone. I'm not going to hurt anyone. Gah, my worst nightmare is being stuck in some kind of prison and forced to take inections to make me
normal. That idea disgusts me.
So a girl tells me I'm a loser and says I should get medicated. Well %$#!%^ you. I don't care what happens ot me, but I'm not going to have that junk
put into my system. It's baa baa like sheep. The hottest girl in the world wouldn't change my mind. I'd rather die than have my thoughts taken away
from me as nature made me to be. I will work through it. I will toil. I will find out ways to compromise with nature. No easy way out for me. I'm not
going to be another pill popper.
It's hard to explain. I know I'm different. But I don't want to be medicated. It's humility. And plus, I justify my own behaviors. Most people do. I
try to stay rational. But I have good/bad habits.
One of my obsessive habits is to re-edit posts. I post a LOT on the internet. It usually takes me 10-50 minutes to finish posts and I re-edit with
almost all of them. I think most ppl don't.
I have terrible social skills and some social anxiety. Bad childhood; teasing. I mean, I can talk to people. I can go out for a drive and shop and
whatnot. But I'm NOT a people person at all. I like cities. I like seeing all the people. I just don't like being there socially. Not my thing.
I'm comfortable at the computer. Around people I'm more self-conscious. I'm very opinionated, but this shows more on the internet, since I post a lot!
I don't like people who eat meat. When I'm around ppl I think are dirty, I worry too much about being clean; little ocd. I have particular habits that
I don't like to be changed, so I don't like random people to butt in and interrupt me. I am constantly thinking about concepts in my mind. What makes
it SO HARD is I cannot talk to 99% of the people around me about it. The things I WANT to talk about I cannot. So I have to come online. That makes it
bad because it discourages me from talking to people in the flesh and blood. But people I know IRL ARE BORING. I don't really want to talk to them.
Some of it's anxiety, but it's boredom too.
NOW I know that most of the garbage on ATS is worthless. But when I was younger I believed in some of them like the JFK conspiracy and/or UFOs and/or
bigfoot. But I never knew 100%. I never believed these things without doubts. When I was younger I was also a christian. I had no doubts about God.
Strange, eh? But as I grew older and learned things the questions started popping up into my head and cracks formed in my faith and then I simply
discarded it like an old mess. It's many years later. I'm not a perfect person. I come to ATS because I like to see what's going on. Conspiracy people
are good at catching onto stories going on in the world. I don't look so much at what people believe, I look at the news itself. In this way, ATS is a
fun and quick way to get a summary.
If I had to pick between a legal official person and a random conspiracy theorist, I'd pick the official person. This is because most conspiracies are
just BS. However, if this is about my own mental problems, I will fall back on my own position. Stay away! I promise not to hurt anyone. Just leave my
brain alone. I realize that psychiatrists or other mental health professionals might be able to help me, but I'm choosing at this point to decline it
because of my own self determination(s).
So there. I bring all this up because it has come to me a few times. There're a couple people in my family that're stuck on psychotropic drugs. My mom
tried to commit suicide a couple times. The chips are against me. I know the odds are high that I have some sort of mental disorder. But having seen
how the pills affect the two people in my family, I'm just not interested in that. I'm much more interested in working through it and figuring out
things the hard way. It's my quest.
edit on 21-3-2013 by jonnywhite because: (no reason given)