I need help.....please

we have too

the word is to not too, just fyi.

Originally posted by Razimus

we have too

the word is to not too, just fyi.

A sentence is started with a capital letter.

Just for your information.

reply to post by liam8126


You can show your attempt to empathize with his point of view by attempting to explain what you understand of his position, using that verbal demonstration that you are attempting to see things from his point of view to show how you may have a point, even asking him to see things from your side and the impact of his view will have on you or the subject under discussion.

You should also start by assuming that all elders have a more experience than you and that the issue is a lack of understanding the full rational or bases of their position by yourself (the above process will help with that).

Until you are independent you may have to be subservient to his will (the level depends on how independent you are and that your independence is understood). You may even be already independent enough not get into disputes in the first place, by seeking other interests and avoiding confrontations. You can challenge his positions, most teenagers like to push the envelope as to establish boundaries, but you should chose your fights carefully as to gain recognition that your voice should be heard. This of course falls to the established family dynamic and how power is exerted and utilized, attempt to compromise and avoid ultimatums or escalations as you will be always in a position of fragility. In your situation it is often more important to be heard than to win every single argument, with power comes responsibility, if his point of view fails he will remember your position, don't be a smart ass when it does, but bring it up in the next dispute.

reply to post by liam8126


I understand where you are coming from, I lived a very similar childhood.

First, you will be unable to change his mind, why? For various reasons but the most important, he doesn't want his mind changed.

Second, while I do understand, trust me, you are acting selfish. You are so fixated on changing your fathers mind, you dont stop to question your own mind and actions. Take a moment to reflect, your father does not act the way he does without reason, or causal affect. How you are behaving is influencing his actions, not all the time, but sometime yes. If you think about it like this, as cause and effect, you will then understand it is not your father who behaves this way without reason. Your actions are influencing his actions, vice versa. While your father probably is in the wrong at least some time, dont try to come at him as if he is broken and needs fixing. Speak to him on a peer level. Your guys are caught in a feedback loop, perpetually frustrating and acting out against each other.

Really what you are failing to see is this. Narrow minded is a subjective and relative term. He is only narrow minded to somone who is more open minded. To somoene more narrow minded, he is openminded.

Stop thinking he is wrong, broken, narrow minded, ignorent. He may very well be all of those things, but these are only symptoms of the real issue.

The real issue is your relation ship with each other. Somewhere the relationship has deteriorated, you do not respect his opinion, he does not respect yours, and it sounds like both of you are starting to do things out of spite.

I dont think you understand your hypocricy, even if you are lets say right. You are asking us for advice on how to change his thinking, thats assuming his thinking is wrong. Thats assuming your thinking is right. There is no right and wrong, only the perception of such things. You need to learn to tolerate and understand his point of views, just as he should tolerate and understand yours.

Why do you think you should be given the authority to change him? Should he not then have the same authority to change your point of view? or openmindedness?

There are some very serious things you should be asking your self, and you are developing a mindset that is not going to suit you well in your life.

I want you to know I am not blameing you for anything, but it doesn't seem as if you are questioning your self, your thoughts, your actions, so thats what my post focused on.

For every time you are upset with him, take a moment and ask your self if you may be contributing to his behavior, or if your the one being narrow minded. If you conclude your thoughts, motives, actions, points of views, are pure in nature and heart, then you need to move on to accaptance. You will not change him, stop putting so much effort into it. Congratulate your self for being who you are, intelligent and openminded, and different from your father in better ways, but then accept and love him for who he is.

When you learn to accept him for who he is, in the end he may suprise you with how open minded he is.

reply to post by liam8126



There is no way you can change others that too attached to their own Ego..They need to realise it by them self..Focus on yourself first..Let others do what they want to do..Be the space for them..Seems like you also attached to Ego type of "im right and you wrong"..There is no such thing like that..Doesnt means if you learned spiritual then you became much more "divine" than others..He laughed because your reacted to him with your own Ego..The need to tell others"what you doing right is wrong" is also came from Ego..So for your dog..If he didnt want to go walk with the dog then you help him..Learn to give and you will receive back..Give love to your dad..

reply to post by liam8126


Wow. A teenage boy who doesn't get along with his dad. That's a first.

Okay, a teenage boy who actually gives a sh*t that he doesn't get along with his dad. A classic boy bites dog news story.

huzzah

Originally posted by glen200376
Kick his ass, problem solved.

Oh my... This is terrible advice, but I laughed.

Originally posted by charlyv
The "Smokey Bear" philosophy is really the only way...."Only You can prevent a Forest Fire."

Apart from divine intervention, and pure luck, you are responsible for your own actions.

Create your own space, the way you want it, and then step into it.

I think this is pretty sound advice. Realize that while it definitely may not seem so at times, you choose how your reality ultimately manifests for you. Take care with your words and thoughts, for they are more powerful than you may realize. I think it would be a good exercise for you to spend a moment or two before you interact with him, just thinking about and visualizing how you'd like that interaction to turn out.