IMO, from what you've shared, sure sounds like NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder ... and also, passive aggressive behavior is a main
trait/characteristic of NPD. Therapy does not work for these people.
Google NPD and do some research. You'll see it's not your fault.
Your son is at risk for marrying a woman like her because we are attracted to the familiar. Sorry, but being married to these people sets a real bad
example for the kids. Staying with someone like this often means one is a co-dependent to the behavior. You have to give up the hope that she can (or
will) change. It won't happen.
If I were you I'd get into therapy real soon with someone who has extensive experience with NPD -- believe it or not, not all therapists do. A female
older than yourself with an MSW/LCSW is probably your best bet and Imago Therapy is very effective. But, that's a personal choice.
Psychiatrists may want to medicate you ... not a good idea since you aren't the crazy one. Although, ironically, the crazy one isn't usually the one
to get prescribed the meds -- the abused get prescribed medication.
Healing is a process that takes considerable time. But, if you don't start seeing any progress and feeling better about yourself within a few sessions
find another therapist. Go alone at first, and when you find a therapist that you know can help you, and whom you totally trust, then go together with
your son. The wrong therapist will make things worse. You don't want your son's experience with therapy to be a bad experience. So, be careful.
It's best not to tell your wife you are going to therapy. She will see it as threat. If she attends the therapy with you it will not work and there is
no cure for NPD, if that is what she has ... and it sure sounds like it.
Going forward you and your son might be better off without her in your lives. These people are destructive and never change. Going forward, it can be
very difficult to heal with her in your life and in your sons life. If you leave, she might use your son to get to you.
Best of luck to you and your son in your healing process. JANA
edit on 21-3-2013 by Jana12 because: spelling error