I Was a Victim: The Steubenville Rape Case is Not Isolated!!

reply to post by luciddream


We are in complete agreement that many rapes could possibly be prevented....and actually I would love to see you use your passion on the subject of rape prevention and start a thread...it is an important topic....and perhaps being able to "logically" discuss this subject in this particular thread without "emotions" is not realistic...this thread is about sharing "raw" feelings and "fall out" that people go through after being raped...it's all about "emotional" support....♥

A thread about rape prevention I think would really be important , I hope you will consider creating one....
The topics that could be discussed in a less emotionally charged thread could really help alot of people....

1. Parenting tips and experiences with dealing with teens and young adults....even young children
2. Younger members sharing what thier observations and experiences are out in the world today
3. What to do and How to help someone in distress...inspirational stories of how people DID prevent rape
4. Self defence suggestions and examples of how others keep themselves and loved one's safe
5. Tips from actual survivours on what they did right and wrong....for example my daughter has really second
guessed herself that once that car made her feel creepy, she could have done things to prevent what happened
to her...she could have knocked on someone's door and asked for them to stay with her while she called her
Dad to walk down and meet her...he was only a block away......

I'm sure there are many more things other members could offer.....again I do appreciate that for such a young man you care and have put thought into the prevention of rape......I hope some of the friends you have known for 20 yrs are girls....cause old friends are important, and we learn alot from each other......

Interesting article I read today....hmmm

How do I raise a boy not to be a rapist?

I think all these horror stories are horrific.

If your story is in fact true, I feel for you, but you all have to decide for yourselves how it is going to dictate the rest of your life. You either control it, or it will control you.

I met a very attractive lady in Sydney Nova Scotia a few years ago. She was drop dead gorgeous, a very professional person, who looked after herself, dressed nice, had nice things, a home a nice car, ect.

I was there and helping a good friend do a re fit on a C&C 44, that him and his wife were going to go offshore in for a few years. Sometimes you meet someone just by chance, and sparks fly, and there is an instant attraction, that is the way it was with us.

So we dated for about 6 weeks, I tried to spend as much free time with her as I could afford, we adored one another, she was in my eyes perfect. She had her own $ and was not at interested in mine, she was sensual, and out of mutual respect we moved very slowly in the relationship when it came to SEX.

At around the 7 week mark, and after me spending the last 3-4 weeks sleeping at her place, it was time to have full blown hard core sex. It progressed naturally, eloquently.

And as we approached that lovely shore together, she had a complete meltdown, where she could not allow herself to perform the act itself.

It was like a switch was flicked in our relationship, I had no idea she had been previously traumatized by a former lover, it never came up, I never asked, she never said anything that would lead me to believe that had happened previously. I respected her slow approach to SEX, it was refreshing, and a world away from the fast woman, and instant sex I had lived for years prior.

Once she let this all out of the bag, she somehow changed as a person, not in my eyes, but in her own actions towards our relationship.

It was almost like the disclosure about it had no choice but to upset the great thing we had going.

I was 100% powerless to get it back on track, and it dwindled away faster than the last rose of summer.

It was not my choice at the time, it was hers.

So ladies,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Although bad things have HAPPENED to you in the PAS, do not let it CONTINUE to dictate negative energy into your present life.

You deserve better than that stigma, don't let it get in your way, get rid of it like yesterdays newspaper, don't let it destroy anything that could be good in your future.

It is your life, get control of it.

Or

Be a past victim all your life.

Originally posted by Starwise
Interesting article I read today....hmmm

How do I raise a boy not to be a rapist?

I really thought the content of this artical gave some great advice to parents in the first conversation...for boys and girls....second conversation...mixed feelings....?

It is hard, almost impossible to comprehend a terrible act like this against another person...especially if it is your child or someone you Love...your friend.....is involved....I'm glad your doing better Starwise and had a great day with your hubby and family on the first day of spring..nice.....♥

LOL...I just had a my 50th B-day this mn.....lmao on 3-13-13.....omg.... yeah I am ready to admit it...although I am still cute......wink..... Did I curse my child who had her Birthday exactly a week before on 3-6-13 ?

Originally posted by Starwise
Interesting article I read today....hmmm

How do I raise a boy not to be a rapist?

You want to raise your boy not to be a rapist?

Easy. Raise a man.

Originally posted by luciddream
They might not be doing it consciously but sub consciously. Again the whole "naive/ignorant", self responsibility.

I think this is the crux of our disagreement
you argue that rape victims knew subconsciously if not consciously that their actions would lead to rape
that's a very big statement there with major repercussions

Originally posted by luciddream
Do you admit i can make myself a target over another person for the rapist? where i can be picked out of a bunch?

I know if i wanted i can get myself robbed if i wanted. Just gotta pick some bad area and over glorify myself with things.


I think main problem here is people actually want to reason with the rapist, and include them in the discussion(that's why i mentioned that they are the constant). The truth is rapist are there, and we don't know until the actual event.

In my opinion Rapist are a 18 wheeler coming at high speed. My choice to avoid it or not.

you can definitely make yourself a target for would be rapists
my main problem with your argument was how you distributed blame

Originally posted by luciddream
I guess discussing this will be impossible without emotion being flung around... so i will finish with this statement.

Predators will always target the weakest of prey, its up to the prey to do whatever the cautious thing to keep avoiding and surviving.

It was an interesting discussion.

*/bows out*

Your overall message of more education needed is something I agree with
however, it was how you distribute blame that I had a problem
I think you do not mean harm and are trying to fix a problem your own way
it was a good discussion we had

Originally posted by Starwise
If man and woman were created equal why don't WE AS A COLLECTIVE SPECIES started acting like it?

Because we're not created equally, and I think you already know that. We don't act like we're equal to each other because we're not. Why do rapes happen? In my opinion it's a control issue. Sexual gratification is more of an afterthought, I think, for most rapists. Men and women alike. If anything, the sexual gratification comes directly from the control that one has over the other. Emotions have nothing to do with it for the rapist.

www.d.umn.edu...

Will this issue ever get better? As in less and less instances? Probably not. Every country on this planet has a system set in place where you have people in control and people, to a certain extent depending on the culture, being controlled. You grow up in an environment like that and you think it's normal. It's the way it's supposed to be. The problem is that you are going to have people who WILL take advantage of the control they have, and people who want control. If they can't get that control through the usual avenues of money and/or prestige, they'll take control in other ways. Like rape for example. Control is like money in a way: The more you get the more you want.

America especially is a very competitive based culture with people wanting control or just more of something. Couple that with the media images promoting women as sexual objects and the overall social attitude that sex is only to be discussed in private, and you have some very mixed messages floating around confusing the hell out of people. Most of which want some sort of control over their lives while still having a sex drive. Are you starting to see the problem here?

With most people it's not really an overriding issue because most people are civilized. It's a fact that lies right under the surface. Unspoken. But the longer these issues persist with young people growing up getting mixed signals, that trend of being civilized will slowly change. If it hasn't already. The best advice a rape survivor can get is to learn all they can from the experience to reduce the chances of it happening again. What they want to learn, I would think, is how to read people better. It's common knowledge that the vast majority of rapes occur between two people who know each other. Not saying that most women don't, but we could all do well in learning how to read people better before letting them into our lives. The main thing is that people who seem to have issues with control, as in wanting it for the sake of it, are the people you would want to avoid. They lack empathy, among other things.

It just makes sense really, to be selective in who you associate with. What some of these women have gone through, and the experiences of some people in general, have made the days of socializing for the sake of it a thing of the past. Or at least really thinned them out. Things like this tend to mature people to where the social aspect of things don’t seem so important anymore. It’s a good thing really, because the social aspect of America needs a lot work right now.

youtu.be...

I just finished reading through this entire thread and I was encouraged by the responses. While there was some discussion regarding elements placing some of the blame on the victim, there was a majority in agreement that the victim of rape is not responsible for being raped. Sometime ago I was on a thread that had surprising number of posts blaming the victim,

In response to this specific story the responses in that vein indicate a perception that this 16 year old girl had the cognitive abilities of an adult and was responsible for ending up in that situation. Although they may appear somewhat adult and sometimes act older than their years, science has proven that the human brain does not fully develop to reach what would be considered an adult level of cognition until around the age of 23.

To all you who have shared your stories, thank you for your courage. It's important to raise awareness of just how completely such an experience can change one's life and how deeply and permanently the scars from such an experience go.

I was sexually assaulted when I was 16 in my own home by a man of around 50 that I knew and had reason to trust. He was a member of a volunteer group that assisted in disasters, a group I hoped to join when I turned 18. My parents were out for the evening and I was home alone when he came knocking on the door, Besides me trusting him my parents were friends with him too, so I saw no harm letting him in. As soon as he was inside the door he overpowered me and was forcing himself on me, I was terrified, but I was luckier than others. My older sisters boyfriend stopped by to drop something off for her and caught him in the act, chased him off then stayed with me until my parents came home at which time they immediately comforted me, called the police and filed a complaint. He was arrested and jailed, we found out later this was not the first time he had done something like this. The police found that he had a record from the year before showing that he had raped 2 other girls in a town about an hour away from where I lived. The reason he was not incarcerated for that, and remained free to harm me. The authorities from the other town determined that striping him of his badge and law enforcement credentials was sufficient punishment. But at least he was stopped before he got that far with me, and I got justice. I'm 52 now and still carry some scars from that, but they are nothing compared to those I carry for my daughter and she'll probably carry for life.

I mentioned the thread some time ago regarding rape. The first of my posts on the thread describing what went through and complete lack of justice she experienced can be found here.
Nearly 20% of women in the US are raped, study reveals

I still can't discuss it without tears and I'm currently using a tiny spastic netbook, and I'd be still fighting to finish this post tomorrow if I tried to type it here.

reply to post by Pixiefyre


Thank you for speaking up! I had to take a break from reading...just because it does take a heavy emotional toll.
It is a sensitive subject.
I look forward to hearing more and will read the link.

reply to post by Pixiefyre


I just read the story you linked about what happened to your daughter....my heart goes out to you both. Her attack sounded like is was very vicous and violent, and from what my daughter has told me about her attack, the fearing for her life was as awful as being raped.....it's horrible enough when someone drunk takes advantage of someone more drunk....but the level of violence with both our daughters is hard to wrap your mind around....and it's a sin they let the monster that raped your baby go free because he had connections to the police....I'm sorry.

As I was reading through the thread you linked a few members made an interesting point I thought was worth sharing in this thread......now before I make this point, I want to clarify that I believe most Men are wonderful, and I really think it's a destructive message to send to young men that all women see them as potential rapists. I have tried to make a point in this thread to give respect to all the great men that love and protect women.

Having said that ,the point that others were making was that 85 to 100% of the women they knew had been sexually assulted in some way, even if not actually raped. I started to think about this and you know, I actually can not think of one woman close to me that has not been grabbed, groped, and in several cases escaped being raped. I will give a few examples.

1. My Sister...walking home with a boy from the park as a teenager, guy trys to rape her in a field, tears her clothes off, she escapes, runs down to the street half naked, screams for help, my Dad goes over to kick kids ass, but his mother started to cry, and the police were called, he had done this before.

2. My friend Jan was walking home and took a shortcut through the school after hours, some strange man jumps out and grabs her, she punched him in the nose, ran and screamed, she got away.

3. My friend Sheri was slipped some kind of drug at a party, she has foggy memories, but believes she was raped, never reported it.

4. My friend Gina was raped by her step dad, who was a total wierdo, that house gave me the creeps, he once came up to me and cupped my breast and said "yeah, your about a B cup", I wish I would have told my Dad, cause years later it came out he raped Gina.

I could fill pages with stories, but those are a few of the most extreme cases with women in my life...heck even as an adult I had a superior dressed in a suit and tie try to kiss me in an elevator....yikes...that was wierd !
I don't know what the answers are, but I do believe Men and Women need to stick together and respect each other, we all need to step up when we see or hear someone in distress........

opps

reply to post by Pixiefyre


I just read the story you linked about what happened to your daughter....my heart goes out to you both. Her attack sounded like is was very vicous and violent, and from what my daughter has told me about her attack, the fearing for her life was as awful as being raped.....it's horrible enough when someone drunk takes advantage of someone more drunk....but the level of violence with both our daughters is hard to wrap your mind around....and it's a sin they let the monster that raped your baby go free because he had connections to the police....I'm sorry.

As I was reading through the thread you linked a few members made an interesting point I thought was worth sharing in this thread......now before I make this point, I want to clarify that I believe most Men are wonderful, and I really think it's a destructive message to send to young men that all women see them as potential rapists. I have tried to make a point in this thread to give respect to all the great men that love and protect women.

Having said that ,the point that others were making was that 85 to 100% of the women they knew had been sexually assulted in some way, even if not actually raped. I started to think about this and you know, I actually can not think of one woman close to me that has not been grabbed, groped, and in several cases escaped being raped. I will give a few examples.

1. My Sister...walking home with a boy from the park as a teenager, guy trys to rape her in a field, tears her clothes off, she escapes, runs down to the street half naked, screams for help, my Dad goes over to kick kids ass, but his mother started to cry, and the police were called, he had done this before.

2. My friend Jan was walking home and took a shortcut through the school after hours, some strange man jumps out and grabs her, she punched him in the nose, ran and screamed, she got away.

3. My friend Sheri was slipped some kind of drug at a party, she has foggy memories, but believes she was raped, never reported it.

4. My friend Gina was raped by her step dad, who was a total wierdo, that house gave me the creeps, he once came up to me and cupped my breast and said "yeah, your about a B cup", I wish I would have told my Dad, cause years later it came out he raped Gina.

I could fill pages with stories, but those are a few of the most extreme cases with women in my life...heck even as an adult I had a superior dressed in a suit and tie try to kiss me in an elevator....yikes...that was wierd !
I don't know what the answers are, but I do believe Men and Women need to stick together and respect each other, we all need to step up when we see or hear someone in distress........

reply to post by MountainLaurel


When I was 16, I asked a twenty-something coworker to procure some ATS-banned-subject substances for me. I went to his house, did some substances ATS would give me a warning for discussing, and then asked to buy the substances I had gone there for. I was told I would have to perform certain acts in order to be "taken home". I never risked being killed or "classically raped".

Do I count in your thread? Do I count, or do I get blamed for my own stupid actions in putting myself in that position?

YOU get to decide, right?

Right.

(Disclaimer: this post is as honest and truthful as I can be. It's not trolling, it's questioning "truth" and denying ignorance as best I can. Delete it, and you're stifling Truth.)

reply to post by 00nunya00


Of course you count...((( Hug ))).....one thing sure seems to be true...be careful with alcohol and drugs......and trust me I understand... That stuff is addictive...and this scum-bag took advantage of your weakness...one of the reasons I hate most porn, not saying you were into that ,but...too many drug and alcohol addicted girls from broken homes are absolutely exploited and destroyed....very , very sad.......

I hope your doing better now...forgive yourself, we're all human.....as Lauren Hill would say "Sh*t sometimes our backgrounds aren't sceeky clean, but you got to put your good foot down and make your soul the winner, I respect that"

Wishing you everything good, I'm here if you want to U2U me....

If you have to ask this you lack any motherly instinct.

samuel-warde.com... well this woman sure taught her attacker a lesson and hopefully the other men in her town took note. as in muslim countries this kind of thing rarely ends well for a rape victim even if they do catch the perpetrator.

and while not exactly a fan of an eye for an eye i dobut this woman will be havign any more problems with males not listening to her after she showed up in the town square with her rapists head on a platter

In September 2012 Nevin Yildirim, a 26-year-old Turkish mother of two was blackmailed, threatened and raped repeatedly by Nurettin Gider.

“I chased him,” she said. “He fell on the ground. He started cussing. I shot his sexual organ this time. He became quiet. I knew he was dead. I then cut his head off.” She brought the head to the town square and in front of men sitting at a coffee House, she said, “Don’t talk behind my back, don’t play with my honor. Here is the head of the man who played with my honor.”

think some people learned a very valuable lesson on not screwing with this woman

just sucks shes now in jail over the matter but altelast she got her point across

cevirman.wordpress.com... related interview with her and a non english source for what happend with the kid hurarsiv.hurriyet.com.tr...