I Was a Victim: The Steubenville Rape Case is Not Isolated!!

Popular female culture can't keep stating "no means no" as an inviolable mantra while also wanting to be able to play hard to get or coy.

Especially as the boys who haven't learned the "true" nature of "no means no... unless I like you/misunderstood you... which means try again" watch girl after girl leave them or pass them over for "those guys".

The "nice boys" wind up rather going solo (or even gay) than become one of "those guys" and feeling like a rapist for violating "no means no" even when it comes to asking for dates.

As culture loses the "nice guys"... women lose part of their shield from "those guys" and find themselves fending for themselves at parties full of "those guys".

It's a team effort... and culture has spent very very little time talking about what message is being sent to our future men when they are boys. It also spends very little honest time talking about what teenage girls are capable of being like and the effect this has on the mindset of boys when they become men... who then have an effect on girls before they become women... etc etc etc round and round we go.

I write this as a "nice guy" survivor who was a virgin till 23, and didn't really accept what I was doing "wrong" until my 30's. Now 36 and 5+ years with my lovely lady. Who wound up breaking up with her "nice guy" and is happier than ever with her new "nice guy" who now knows how to be one of "those guys" when it's "appropriate".

I admire your courage. As a rape survivor, I have been struggling with the constant stream of horrific & graphic media coverage. It literally leaves me fighting nausea. My head spins with disbelief at the statistics. It fractures my faith in humanity. I hope we can learn to fight the virus of hatred and disrespect for our fellow humans. Love is the only answer. When will humanity realize it? Heal, and be well.

reply to post by luciddream

...NOW imagine how many men kept it in themselves?

because the aurthories are NOT going to believe the man, period. No if, and or buts. If the man goes to the courts you better believe that the tables will turn on him for sure simply because 'he's a man'....

When a psycho woman lunges at a man with a 8" chef Knife and the guy defences himself and punches her in the face...guess who the court takes sides with ? Yep .. you got it, the woman gets off, because he's 'bigger and he's a man"...

true story..

I, too, am a survivor of sexual abuse and rape. I'm not afraid to admit it anymore...and I'm so glad that you were brave enough to write this thread, OP.

reply to post by MountainLaurel


LOVE is the only answer I can suggest for your situation with your daughter.

Don't EVER give up and I know you won't!

Facebook, Tweets, Text messages, Phone calls - choose one and try to
do it EVERYDAY and let your daughter know that whenever she is ready, you will
be there for her.. even if it is just a shoulder to lean on.
(I know you already do this)

Let her know there are alternative methods of therapy and when she is ready,
again - when she is ready, you will be there.

Love knows no bounds especially in times of healing!!!

Remind her of the things she did as a child that made your heart (and others) smile.
(look for a way to give her that lost innocence back)

Above all - forgive yourself.
It is hard to help someone carrying a burden that does not belong to your soul.

@ Magesticesoteric -
Thank you.
Truly, I hope your burden has been lessened.
You deserve closure - your post tells me your heart is pure.
Be well...please.

For all my male and female survivors...

We are better than those whom took what was never theirs
and we WILL rise above holding our heads up high!

I post this video for all "survivors".

reply to post by Komodo


Enough Men are coming into this thread saying they have been raped by women that I tend to believe them.....I hope this question is not insensative.....but are these rapes that occured when they were children or adult men?

How would a woman over power a man, with a weapon? Are the violations something other then intercourse, cause I'm assuming the man being attacked wouldn't have an erection......again I hope these questions do not offend anyone......and I really had no idea this occured to grown men......

reply to post by lee anoma

reply to post by Miraj


Again I am not trying to blame the victim, and yes it probably was a poor analogy but it was the best I was able to come up with at that moment.

My point is this....

If you place yourself in a dangerous situation, chances are something bad can happen to you. I am in no way excusing rape. What these boys did was a crime and they deserve to be in jail. I have no sympathy for someone who preys on the weak and vulnerable. The girl did not deserve what happened to her. However, she did place herself in a dangerous situation by the choices she made that evening.

No one forced her to drink.

No one forced her to drink so much to a point where people were able to carry her from party to party to party and violate her in the process. The sooner young women, and the public in general, understand this very simple concept they can then protect themselves better. We will never be rid of criminals. There will always be some low life out there that will rape, steal or kill. Through our own actions, we can minimize the risk that we will be a victim.

reply to post by MountainLaurel


Oh Mountain Laurel, I am so sorry to hear about your daughters experience. As a mother to a little 2.5 year old, I can't imagine the pain you feel, and as a woman in her late 20's I can't imagine the pain and fear your daughter is feeling either, having been picked off the street and held at knifepoint - fearing for her life along with being raped. My heart goes out to you both

reply to post by MrWendal


Very well put! Rape is inexcusable. But why in the hell do some people choose to put themselves in a situation that could have completely been avoided for them with the use of common sense.

reply to post by Druscilla
Rapex----- the new female antl- rape condom developed in south africa- the rape capital of the world ./ If someone has not posted the pic of it could you? looks quite ferocious...

Disclosure: I have never been raped, nor have I raped anyone. I am female.

Y'know what I'd really like to see?

An acknowledgement somewhere, by someone (not talking about ATS people here, talking about the world), that rape is first and always.... assault and battery. It's about power, not sex. It's about forcing someone to do something they don't want to do, whether it's a rape or it's robbing a bank.

The crime of rape should be adjudicated and sentenced under the laws of assault and battery, assault with grievous harm, and the like. The sentences would be longer, and the allowable evidence would be more tightly controlled and less likely to involve what the victim was wearing or where he/she was at the time of the crime. After all, you don't see courts asking someone who's been badly beaten what he/she was wearing, nor would such a question be considered relevant to the crime at hand.

I'm not saying we should do away with the word "rape." Rape is a heinous crime, and at least in the US, if we see it not as sex but as battery, I think it will go easier for the survivors of it, and harder for those who commit it.

You are 100% right. I wish people could be as passionate against abortion (killing) as well.

reply to post by MountainLaurel


Very glad she's alive, and that someone did what they could to help her! As for her behavior now, just let her know, as I am sure you already are, that you love her, and are there for her. Prayer doesn't hurt a bit, either, and sent some already. Kudos to the young man that called for help, and those in the youth group you mentioned that took action!

For those who have been attacked, remember, some are like these young men, and not like the attackers. Don't let those animals make you live in fear. Get counseling as needed, learn some good self defense techniques, and be strong. You already made it out of those situations, and you have the strength to overcome.

Originally posted by MrWendal
*snip*We will never be rid of criminals. There will always be some low life out there that will rape, steal or kill. Through our own actions, we can minimize the risk that we will be a victim.

Very well said, and very true! No, those attacked aren't at fault, and not all were in a situation they could have avoided. Those that were can learn, and we can teach people to be aware of their circumstances, to make wise decisions, and to make things as difficult for any would-be attackers as possible. Ladies, please, if you go out to drink, be SURE you have someone there to cover for you, if you get too drunk. Don't walk alone if you can help it, and be able to defend yourself as much as possible. There are some really rotten people around, and taking sensible precautions could save your life. Most criminals look for easier targets. We can't stop all crime, but we can be aware. And, if something happens, report the scum.

Originally posted by luciddream
Rape only happens to women? and its always Men who do it?

I did not know that. Interesting.

Yeah Men can't get raped, they like sex.

That's pretty biased and sexist people don't even realize it.

If Men complains about rape... you get "man up".. i guess that's fair.

___

Steubenville rape victim was dumb. Period. I was a bit angry but i still feel it could have been avoided.

If a person is going to get drunk beyond their limit, without friends to have their back, men or women, they should be expecting things like this, especially at a party filled with horny teenagers.

edit on 3/19/2013 by luciddream because: (no reason given)

the girl was raped by a group known in the school as "the rape crew". this was not an isolated incident, nor were those two the only ones involved, and they got off with an incredibly light sentence. they drugged her, kidnapped her, and raped her and different parties.

you'd be a fool to deny that most rape cases and sexual assault cases are perpetrated by men. you shouldn't feel so defensive about the subject if your thoughts and actions stay pure.

men have done terrible things, and every day i think "right now someone is being raped, someone else murdered or abused", i mourn of the victims but i do not feel guilty of committing the crime, only shame for being human.

Originally posted by skydancer22
reply to post by Druscilla

 

Rapex----- the new female antl- rape condom developed in south africa- the rape capital of the world ./ If someone has not posted the pic of it could you? looks quite ferocious...

I wonder if they are putting it on kickstarter . Seriously, I for one -would support this for women's defense particularly in areas where a poor woman on a moving bus is repeatedly raped-==) .with Rapex rape statistics would fall off ,literally. .

reply to post by luciddream


I don't believe for a second that the OP was stating men don't get raped, or that it is in any way not a big deal if they do. Men can and do get raped. They suffer physically and emotionally just as women do. I say this as a women who survived a sexual assault. YES, I had been drinking. NO I did not consent. The difference between the Steubenville victim and myself is that I remember what happened to me. No one had to tell me. But, just because this girl blacked out and was drunk, in NO WAY makes her deserving of what happened to her...and your comment about women getting drunk at parties should expect this type of thing....wow. Just wow. Is this really the world we live in ? That people really believe such garbage?

reply to post by HumAnnunaki


Thank-You for your thoughtful responce.....there is no "script" for how people get through this.....and I agree Love needs to be your guiding light when sailing these stormy seas........

My daughter is smart, brave, kind and beautiful.....loves animals...was one of those "pain in the butt" kids that decided she would not eat meat at age 8, and it lasted till she was 12...and even then very limited...she raised alot of money for the Human Society...and even had an article written about her...

She was showing an interest in going back to school for nursing...but again other then to offer to help her with money and getting registered...I can't make her do it....and she is not ready or willing......she's in "Love" with an idiot....however I hold my tongue about saying that to her.....

Rape is such a horrible crime....but the thought that more then one depraved person would do it as a team is truely disturbing.......again Thank-You to the good guys...I just thought of another time in my youth that some guy started to become very aggressive and mean...grabbing me...calling me a "tease"...I didn't even know this guy, and had a BF...in no way did I come on to him....anyways.....it was actually his buddy that stepped in and backed him down...and I really appreciated his perceptive kindness....

reply to post by pacifier2012


Take that argument elsewhere. As a rape victim who is personally pro choice, I don't see any reason for you to use this thread as a platform for you to only push your agenda. Start your own thread. It's hard enough to come to terms with being sexually assaulted, we don't need the anti abortion crowd calling people 'killers' too. Jesus.

Originally posted by WeRpeons

Really, you're using the TV, movies, media is at fault for society's problems excuse?

reply to post by King_John

 

If you watch and listen to what teenagers talk about, it's easy to realize celebrity role models and current fashions trends have a huge influence on teenagers. Good or bad, children of all generations have idolized and imitated celebrities and followed current fashion trends and brands. We've all done it, and if you deny you've never been influenced by a celebrity, popular athlete, singer, TV or reality show, or even a fellow peer, you're fooling yourself.

The problem lies when the fashion trend or the role models go to the extreme. Teenagers sometimes imitate poor role models out of rebellion or they may sometimes just identify with that person. They may be attracted to how they style their hair or the type of clothing they wear. Sometimes teenagers may feel that relationships viewed on reality TV is the proper or normal way to act in their own relationships.

Sure, but poor celebrity role models are nothing new, teenagers are no worse now than in the past, and I certainly don't think it has any affect on rape.

reply to post by MrWendal


Fair enough.. Sorry for being so abrasive!

How much did she actually drink?

I know she claimed (at least at one point) that she believed she had been drugged.