I Was a Victim: The Steubenville Rape Case is Not Isolated!!

reply to post by Starwise



I'm glad to have crossed paths with you as well....surreal doesn't even describe it at this point.

I'm still in a bit of panic because I did speak out but, feeling very proud and emotionally rewarded for doing so.

Speaking out about what happened to me has created a sense of vulneralbility that I haven''t felt in many many years.

reply to post by RalagaNarHallas


I am far too compassionate to ever wish such a vile act on anyone...ever.

Even on my own attackers.

Yes, there is that double standard but, I think it is based more on initial outrage and emotional distress.

No one should ever endure rape....ever.

There were times that I wished I would have been killed instead of raped because then, I wouldn't have to live with the pain and humiliation.

Living after a rape is often like having your former self killed....then, being stuck trying to figure out how to live life as a completely different person.

reply to post by Starwise


Thank you, Starwise. I think most people would be surprised how commonplace sexual assult is. I have only told my partner, although a few friends know of my incident, but think of it differently. I was taken advantage of by a man (at that time a boy, well, we we both 17) who knew I was intoxicated, and although I had the capacity to say 'no' it didn't matter, and his friends were in the same room and heard me say no, but allowed it to go on. Stupidly, with how our society views things like this, I didn't even really consider it 'rape' until well into my early-mid 20's and now, it's really too late to do much about it except never again have contact with anyone to do with that person.

I cannot believe how the news media seem to be portraying these two rapists as young boys with promising lives in front of them, that might have been so, but now, no. Now they have committed the act of rape, and stripped someone of their basic right to feel safe, and quite possibly have ruined entire lives. It's ridiculous how women are still treated like we can be used, and tossed aside. I have not followed the entire story, as I try to not delve too deeply into these articles as obviously, it's a sore point, but I'm again left disgusted by the acts of some men. Much like the crisis in India with the large amounts of gang rapes.

reply to post by Starwise


First, you are to be applauded for sharing about something so sensitive, and so devastating personally. I have known victims of rape, and seen how that can affect a person, even long years later. You have shown something very important - these victims are PEOPLE. They don't have to be attached to someone else to matter, and those perpetrating such crimes are sick, vile, animals. deserving of nothing but condemnation.

Reading about cases like this one, I have a hard time imagining what sort of situations these criminals come from. Yes, they are totally responsible for their own actions; I am not stating otherwise, but such evil attitudes are unfathomable to me. Then again, considering how things are in this world, I should not be surprised. People are taught that what they want matters, that there is no right or wrong, no real morality, and so forth, and I believe this sort of crime is a direct result of that.

iIt still sickens me, though. As a parent, I and my husband have worked very hard to instill a sense of caring about others in our kids. They have been taught, from a very early age, that how they behave towards other people matters. Respect for the feelings of others, not deliberately hurting each other, and so forth, are normal life lessons. Clearly, those that commit crimes such as this failed, somewhere along the line, to learn such lessons. Maybe they had parents that tried. Maybe they didn't. I don't know, and I am sure it's not the same in every case.

Still, I am of the belief that those committing such evil acts of violence on others should not be locked away for some amount of time, but should be eliminated, permanently, from society. Rabid dogs are put down, not caged for life. Reading reports of one of the rapists stating, "My life is over.", I have NO sympathy at all. He chose his actions, and has no one to blame but himself.

Another thing that really bothers me is that NO ONE called the police, to get help for this girl. I could see being unable to fight off the attackers, but, with all the cell phones around, no one could call? The way people acted like the boys being sports team members was somehow relevant is even worse. I guess, to some, having some claim to fame makes you above the law.

reply to post by MrWendal


That's hardly a fair analogy.

The driver of the car didn't see someone that s in the street and goes "I want to hit that person, It'll be funny. WE CAN TAPE IT OLOL!"

She bears no burden for her rape. Those two kids (and probably more) chose to rape, it didn't happen by accident.

Skip the dumb analogies while trying to blame the victim, at the very least"

Originally posted by MagesticEsoteric

Thank you.

I honestly know that not all men are rapists...it's the few that give them all a bad name.

It was a few males friends that came to me and disclosed the things that were done to me and the things that were said as a result of the horrific act.

They genuinely cared about my well being and were disgusted by what happened. There were friendships that were broken over the ordeal because there were some that cared more about doing right than about playing ball.

Not All Men Are Rapists!

As a rape victim, I state this very clearly...We are not accusing all men of being rapists!

I agree with you
you are obviously a very strong individual and are tackling the problem head on
we need more people like you who see the problem for what it is

Originally posted by TokiTheDestroyer
I'm a man, I was raped.

By a woman, too.

Don't try and tell me it can't and doesn't happen.

It is wrong, no matter who is attacked, and who is the attacker. When I state that all committing such acts deserve the death penalty, I do mean ALL.

And, no, not all men are anything like that. Those in my household would never consider such a thing, and would not stand by and watch, either. Normal men are not rapists. Normal women, either. It's a sick, evil act, done by sick, evil people. If someone is guilty of such a crime, they deserve the most severe punishment.

Yes, there can be false accusations, but in most cases, the crime really did occur, and too many times the perps get off with a mild sentence, if any at all. I still remember the changes in how such cases were handled, and how it used to be that the one attacked was almost always blamed.

Rape is an insidious crime, and the only crime where the 'victim' is made to feel

that they were responsible for the crime committed against them! with all the historical

reasons of

* She asked for it

* She shouldn't have been there

* She was drunk

* She shouldn't have been dressed like that....etc...etc...

And those are the very reasons that the perpetrators think that they can get away with it

It seems to be the only crime where it is considered the 'victim' invited the crime

against themselves!


No one points the finger of blame to the 'victims' of a muggings physical assaults

robberies?

reply to post by quietlearner


I appreciate your kind words.

Although I do feel a sense of strength for speaking about what happened to me, I do not feel very strong right now. Quite the opposite actually.

Honestly, right now, I feel like I'm walking on that very campus...wondering who knows...what do they know...what did they see.

Just by talking about what happened, I feel like there is a huge bulls eye on my back. Wondering if there might just happen to be someone on this forum that knows what happened to me that night.

Someone that knows more than I ever will.

Originally posted by luciddream
Steubenville rape victim was dumb. Period. I was a bit angry but i still feel it could have been avoided.

If a person is going to get drunk beyond their limit, without friends to have their back, men or women, they should be expecting things like this, especially at a party filled with horny teenagers.

Raping a dumb person is still rape. IQ doesn't factor in.
It also doesn't matter if the rapists are horny teenagers.

There's no way to blame the victim in this scenario, because 100% of the responsibility for the rape are on the shoulders of the young men who committed it.

If a woman got drunk and passed out in front of me, that isn't a license to rape her nor is it excusable because she put herself in a vulnerable situation.

A woman can wear what she wants, drink what she wants, and even pass out from it.
That's all legal and within her rights (barring certain circumstances of course), but someone coming along that acts like they have the self-control of a starving Lion that stumbles upon a lost baby elephant and pounces on her for it is wrong every single time. Every single time.

To be honest the victim at the party was acting irresponsible like most teens do, but the rapists are the ones that were dumb.

They raped her and thought it was okay.
So much dumb it cost them jail time.

- Lee

I too share a similar story to this young girl only 40 years earlier. I too came from a small town in southern Ohio.

I buried deep what I questioned daily of what may of happened to me, some of the horrific parts I faced head on and buried so deep.The shame and humility and asking myself WHY?

You see, how could I look into my beautiful son's eyes and question without guilt? I felt so worthless, because I had to pretend it didn't happen so I could feel like a loving mother at 16.

My beautiful Son, it was him that called me at 3 in the morning to tell me his father,drunk and drugged up, detailed how he managed to sneak into my window when he helped a friend deliver me home and unlocked my window to return later.

This is when the hell really began. It was my Son that said the word I tried so hard to bury, and it took 2 years to heal my beautiful Son.

Originally posted by MrWendal
No one is blaming the victim, however individuals do play a role in the things that happen to them in some cases. In this case, she got drunk to a point where she had no control. If you walk across the street without looking for oncoming traffic, and you get hit by a car, who's fault is it? Is it the fault of the driver or the person who did not look both ways before crossing the street? Or is it a combination of both?

A car accident?
You are comparing rape to a random car collision with a pedestrian?

That's an absurd analogy. It's ridiculous. It's almost shameful.
The scenario you presented is obviously an 'accident'.

Neither the person crossing the street nor the driver had any intentions towards one another, and never planned on interacting on any level whatsoever. The crash is a random event, and not an intentionally exploitative or abusive one.

Rape isn't an accident. It's intentional.

They didn't accidentally strip her down, offer people money to urinate on her, sexually assault her, place their genitals on her face, leave their DNA on her body, mock her online with videos/tweets/pics, try to cover it up, and then lie to her about it afterwards.

Your analogy would only work if the driver saw the person crossing the street and INTENTIONALLY ran into them because they knew they weren't paying attention, picked up the unconscious person and put them on the sidewalk like nothing happened, took some videos for friends to enjoy, and then drove off.

That would be closer to what happened with this case.

Fact is, the girl is a victim but she also shares some responsibility in what happened to her.

That's not a fact at all.
That's the worst level of fiction.

You say no one is blaming the victim, yet you are clearly blaming the victim.

- Lee

reply to post by lee anoma


Just because people are questioning the victim does not automatically make people support the abusers.

There are many instance(this is not one of them) where girls at party hook up with someone when they were drunk, or had the "mood" at the moment and scream rape the next morning because they don't remember or do not want her friends thinking she is a sl*t. Landing the guy in jail.

Provocation is a crime. especially, especially if the victim was already sexually involved with someone from the incident, her boyfriend.

Is it possible the reason they got lighter sentences, also for the fact they were minors as well.

Originally posted by luciddream
reply to post by lee anoma

 

Just because people are questioning the victim does not automatically make people support the abusers.

There are many instance(this is not one of them) where girls at party hook up with someone when they were drunk, or had the "mood" at the moment and scream rape the next morning because they don't remember or do not want her friends thinking she is a sl*t. Landing the guy in jail.

Provocation is a crime. especially, especially if the victim was already sexually involved with someone from the incident, her boyfriend.

Is it possible the reason they got lighter sentences, also for the fact they were minors as well.

edit on 3/19/2013 by luciddream because: (no reason given)

They received a lighter sentence because their initial charges were sent to a juvenile court. The terms of sentencing are completely different from those issued in an adult court.

The reason it was reduced to a Juvenile court is also a huge source of outrage in this case...

Talk about a potential conspiracy...this case is oozing with the possibilities of a cover-up.

Originally posted by luciddream
reply to post by lee anoma

 

Just because people are questioning the victim does not automatically make people support the abusers.

The victim should be questioned. Always.
This would be a serious criminal investigation and a lot is on the line.
I would never say that the alleged victim shouldn't be questioned.

I said saying the alleged victim was "dumb" is not an arguable defense for rape.

Provocation is a crime. especially, especially if the victim was already sexually involved with someone from the incident, her boyfriend.

Show me anywhere in U.S. Law that states getting drunk and passing out is criminal provocation for unwanted unsought and unwelcome sexual act(s) with multiple participants.

- Lee

Originally posted by electricalpup
I too share a similar story to this young girl only 40 years earlier. I too came from a small town in southern Ohio.

I buried deep what I questioned daily of what may of happened to me, some of the horrific parts I faced head on and buried so deep.The shame and humility and asking myself WHY?

You see, how could I look into my beautiful son's eyes and question without guilt? I felt so worthless, because I had to pretend it didn't happen so I could feel like a loving mother at 16.

My beautiful Son, it was him that called me at 3 in the morning to tell me his father,drunk and drugged up, detailed how he managed to sneak into my window when he helped a friend deliver me home and unlocked my window to return later.

This is when the hell really began. It was my Son that said the word I tried so hard to bury, and it took 2 years to heal my beautiful Son.

I wish I had the words to express what I'm feeling for you right now.

Originally posted by lee anoma

Originally posted by luciddream
reply to post by lee anoma

 

Just because people are questioning the victim does not automatically make people support the abusers.

The victim should be questioned. Always.
This would be a serious criminal investigation and a lot is on the line.
I would never say that the alleged victim shouldn't be questioned.

I said saying the alleged victim was "dumb" is not an arguable defense for rape.

Nobody's trying to defend the act of rape, but it is a "dumb" decision to get black out drunk at a party. Something's bound to happen, doesn't mean it's her fault she got raped and certainly doesn't excuse the rapists, but it is a dumb decision.

Really, you're using the TV, movies, media is at fault for society's problems excuse?

reply to post by King_John


If you watch and listen to what teenagers talk about, it's easy to realize celebrity role models and current fashions trends have a huge influence on teenagers. Good or bad, children of all generations have idolized and imitated celebrities and followed current fashion trends and brands. We've all done it, and if you deny you've never been influenced by a celebrity, popular athlete, singer, TV or reality show, or even a fellow peer, you're fooling yourself.

The problem lies when the fashion trend or the role models go to the extreme. Teenagers sometimes imitate poor role models out of rebellion or they may sometimes just identify with that person. They may be attracted to how they style their hair or the type of clothing they wear. Sometimes teenagers may feel that relationships viewed on reality TV is the proper or normal way to act in their own relationships.

To all our members who have had to go through such devestation, I thank you for sharing your pain and bringing such an important subject forward.

There are too many sickos in the world!!!!!!!!


No one deserves to be raped. No one should have to live with the memories and torment. One of my best friends ws raped by her own father. It sickens me to see what that poor woman has had to endure through the years!

My heartfelt respect to the OP and all the brave members that have shared thier stories about what a terrible, vicious crime this is...and the fact your willing to shed light on this horrible problem by making yourselves vulnerable, is a testiment to all of your strength and kindness......

My daughter was abducted by two brothers at knife point and thrown in a car when she was 19 yrs. old...she had gone down to the Farmer's Market they did Down Town with a group of friends...it was a fun thing they did once a week in what you would think was a "safe" area....had bands, food stands..etc...the kids liked it.

She was staying at her Dad's house who lived close to down town, she had walked most of the way home with friends, and one boy even offered to walk her all the way home....she felt "safe" and told him it was OK, her Dad's house was only a few more blocks and was walking alone at this point.

She said this car with two men in it started driving really slow next to her and she had a "bad feeling"...so she crossed the street and they drove on, well they ended up turning around speeding up to her and one guy grabbed her while the other one drove...well....she fought like hell, screamed and yelled, kicked and tried to resist getting in the car...that might have saved her life....because some kid heard her, ran outside and called 9-11 and was able to describe the car.

Once the one guy has her in the back seat he is threatening her now with a knife...she is terrified, these guys barely spoke English so didn't even understand what they were saying to her....but the guy starts ripping off her pants, and started to rape her...at this point she said she can see the lights on the police car and hear sirens...this turns into a high speed chase....but they saved my baby...and caught the guys.

This was 3 years ago.....and I pray she will manage to learn to live with this trama...she has anxiety attacks, PTS, she self medicates with persciption drugs she gets from her friends.....she really believes these pills help her to "cope"....I HATE these drugs, I don't believe in them, although she was soo depressed I was willing to help seek counsling and consider the "option" if the doctor agreed, this was six mns ago....well they didn't think the drugs were a good idea for her, and she wanted no part of the counsling they were recomending, she's an adult, I couldn't force her....

She moved back down close to her Dad and all her "friends".....I feel so helpless to help her....I can barely get her on the phone these days...her BF is an idiot......her Dad has no control anymore......She knows she's doing the wrong thing...and other then make sure she always has a home here and My Love what else should I do? Any suggestions welcome.

The last point I want to make is that she was basically "raped" again by the court system...these guys were put away for 25 yrs. each, they had done this before....but it took almost 2 years, countless court appearences, being "griiled" by the rapist's lawyers, they actually tried to argue she agreed to get in the car with them....REALLY? They also tried to discredit her because she admitted she had smoked pot earlier that evening....The DA practically threatened her when she didn't want to testify anymore after every "nasty" trick in the book was used to stall and delay......and for God's sake...this is not traffic court, you don't keep victims waiting for hours when they were assigned a certain time to appear!

Thank-You for providing a forum to discuss this......I can't even imagine how painful it must be to go through this...it damm near killed me just watching someone I Love go through it....

((( Hugs ))) to all the wonderful Men out there that Love and Protect Women....it was a teenage boy who called 9-11 and saved my daughter...and I have personally witnessed a group of teenage boys in my youth rescue a girl at a party that started screaming for Help...and they kicked his ass too !