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How does one stop a (real/unreal) belief from childhood..... when she is now 74?

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posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 01:22 AM
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We are taught that God loves us all. We are taught that when we pray in the name if His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave His Life that we will be forgiven or all our sins and, at death, will sit in the right hand of God in Heaven.

(I wonder? Did anyone one ever see a picture of God with this thumb up on that hand up the "butt" on which we sit?)

I was beaten by my dad, taunted by my family, this ,that, the next thing, in a car crash at 30, disabled, with a 5 year old daughter,who is now 49, and who has no use for me, dismissed from her life by my Narcissitic son-in-law, lost them all including 3 grandchildren and 40 years after that accident was run down again and hurt even worse, and am just now on the verge of being able to settle a claim for about $400,000.00.

It turned out that her marriage was wrong, as she divorced and hooked up with ... another....a woman, so is lesbian (might have thought I woud object?..so pulled away. 2009, again, after the intial rejection, of 1991.

Won't talk openly with me, her mother, nor do my 3 grandchildren...(21, 24 26) as though I have been " 'slandered' and left on my own".

Can anyone express whether your feelings would be more against a disabled mother at your age 5, or a doubly disabled mother at your age, 44, or would you feel that your mother would be against your being a lesbian (gay?) that you learned in the year 2009 at the age of 45?? These are loose terms because I am guessing.

How can a daughter so well loved by her mother, turn against her so badly as to never talk to her again, without an explanation for 14 years?... or in the long run, since she met her now ex-husband at age 19, THIRTY yerars ago.

I developed sich at sadness about my life that I can no longer cry, and I think of them all as strangers. Is that weird?



edit on 19-3-2013 by canadiansenior70 because: ( I forget in which Forum I posted this!)




posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 01:33 AM
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Facts always help me.

I used to be convinced aliens were real. Fact is, there would be proof if that were the case.



posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 01:36 AM
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Look into your soul

Meditation helps me

The truth is there just needs looking for

Cody



posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 02:26 AM
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Awwww, I'm so sorry you are going through such dificulties. I would love my Mom no matter what. Hugs!



posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 04:37 AM
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reply to post by canadiansenior70
 





How can a daughter so well loved by her mother, turn against her so badly as to never talk to her again, without an explanation for 14 years?... or in the long run, since she met her now ex-husband at age 19, THIRTY yerars ago.


Well it's difficult to judge these things. Often we don't have a full spectrum of info...for instance...

Did your daughter have a "happy" childhood ?

Were you abusive as a husband or a father at any point in time of your lives ?

Were you supportive of your daughter's life choices?

I find it difficult to believe that someone would just stop talking to her/his parents, unless there was some event/reason...

If however that is the case...than sorry to say...but your daughter is not a decent human being...something you might have to come to terms with. No parent likes to hear his kid is "bad"...but obviously...not everyone is "good".

Your situation sounds dire...perhaps...you can dig deeper and try to find realistic reasons? I always find it easier to deal with problems if I understand the mechanisms and reasons behind it. We don't have to like it...but you have to understand...that sometimes...we are merely spectators...watching the ride. With no possibilities to intervene.


Since your post started with a Bible reference...Can I conclude that you are a believer ? Sorry for being a bit sarcastic here...but shouldn't you find at least some comfort...being a believer in God's plan ?

He works in mysterious ways...so they say.



posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 08:37 AM
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reply to post by canadiansenior70
 
Only you have the answers to your questions as nobody here was present during the years when you were raising your child. Only you know the details of how you raised her and what sort of conflicts arose during that time. There are many possibilities- she might feel that you were not there for her when she needed you, or she may feel that you smothered her too much or anything in between. Something could have occurred that you knew absolutely nothing about that affected her greatly.

As we age sometimes we don't always remember times in our lives as they appeared to others; we idealize actions or events as we want to remember them but sometimes forgetting some of the more sordid details- and sometimes our children remember past times in the opposite fashion, mentally picturing the situations as far worse than they actually were. Sometimes children witness us trying to deal with our own pain and hurt and what they see is their parent being distant, cold or neglectful- they do not understand the whys or what fors behind it, only the results as pertain to them. Same goes for our view of our children- we see rebellion or see them pulling inward but do not see the emotional reasons behind it as they aren't always forthcoming about what is happening in their own lives; all we see are the effects as they pertain to us.

The only way to know the reasons for your daughter's pulling away is to discuss it with her in person where she cannot beg off of the phone or put the discussion off, but if she agrees you have to be willing to listen to what she feels whether real or imagined- and my guess is that it will not be very nice. If she will talk listen with an open heart and mind, but make sure you are prepared for the fact that her memories will most likely be quite different from hers and try very hard not to react defensively. Many years ago I witnessed my own mother and grandmother endure a situation extremely similar to yours and as both got very defensive it ended not well, so much so that it was I that took care of my grandmother until the end rather than her own daughter whom she loved with all of her heart. Please do not let that happen to you and your daughter. I wish healing for your family and will pray for you.



posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 08:45 AM
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reply to post by canadiansenior70
 
what did you mean Gods hand up the butt in which we sit on????




posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 08:46 AM
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reply to post by canadiansenior70
 


Matthew 10:32-37

32 Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.

33 But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.

34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

Put Jesus first and then the rest will work itself out.



posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 09:00 AM
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reply to post by canadiansenior70
 


i am sorry for all the problems you had to go through.
I believe that these are a wake up call/a test by God.
Maybe you are attached to her more than it was healthy for you or her.
Maybe she pre-judged your reaction about her being lesbian and so avoids you.
Tell her that you respect her and you are proud of her as a daughter.

Lastly it maybe that she just doesnt want to take care of you.

Try and communicate as best as you can.
Ultimately you can just do the best from your side but after that its beyond your control and then just pray to that One God and thank Him for what good you got.



posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 11:16 AM
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Originally posted by canadiansenior70
We are taught that God loves us all. We are taught that when we pray in the name if His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave His Life that we will be forgiven or all our sins and, at death, will sit in the right hand of God in Heaven.

(I wonder? Did anyone one ever see a picture of God with this thumb up on that hand up the "butt" on which we sit?)

I was beaten by my dad, taunted by my family, this ,that, the next thing, in a car crash at 30, disabled, with a 5 year old daughter,who is now 49, and who has no use for me, dismissed from her life by my Narcissitic son-in-law, lost them all including 3 grandchildren and 40 years after that accident was run down again and hurt even worse, and am just now on the verge of being able to settle a claim for about $400,000.00.

It turned out that her marriage was wrong, as she divorced and hooked up with ... another....a woman, so is lesbian (might have thought I woud object?..so pulled away. 2009, again, after the intial rejection, of 1991.

Won't talk openly with me, her mother, nor do my 3 grandchildren...(21, 24 26) as though I have been " 'slandered' and left on my own".

Can anyone express whether your feelings would be more against a disabled mother at your age 5, or a doubly disabled mother at your age, 44, or would you feel that your mother would be against your being a lesbian (gay?) that you learned in the year 2009 at the age of 45?? These are loose terms because I am guessing.

How can a daughter so well loved by her mother, turn against her so badly as to never talk to her again, without an explanation for 14 years?... or in the long run, since she met her now ex-husband at age 19, THIRTY yerars ago.

I developed sich at sadness about my life that I can no longer cry, and I think of them all as strangers. Is that weird?



edit on 19-3-2013 by canadiansenior70 because: ( I forget in which Forum I posted this!)


If one is to find truth and become strong and build his/her temple up he must first suffer and go through a time of great trials, you have taken the first step in the glorious truth of love and posted for all to see. Your wells have dried because you are done crying and now it's time for you to choose whether you would see past her wrongs and embrace the daughter that you always had. The older people tend to hold on to tradition and customs and forget to grow spiritually, becoming blind with pride as Satan did.

Luke 14:27 - And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.

1 Peter 4:13 – But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. – John 15:18-19 (NIV)

Rest your heart with love that has no boundaries, look not at ones actions but look past the flesh and the memories will far out way the bad.



posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 11:59 AM
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edit on 19-3-2013 by logical7 because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 12:33 PM
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Thanks all,

What seems odd to me is that her answers never sound truthful, but if it's what she said then how can I prove it wrong.

My first thought is 'abandonment' on my part, because I was not actively her mother for ONE YEAR, as I recuperated in hospital and rehabilitation.
Then upon setting up a new home after that, I was in a wheelchair and did things differently.
I cannot remember how "in tune" a 6 year old would be with her surroundings-- yet our lives were busy with my taking her to classes in baton, gym, swimming, church groups, string orchestra concerts and parent teacher nights....all of which she was in favour.

My second thought was who she married. She was 19 and he was 30 when they met and about 3 months later, home one day from University, announced that they would be married the following June. AS nicely as I could I tried to discuss that she hadn't known him long, and she had told me things that made we 'wonder' about him.... so suggested that if were really LOVE, it would last but please let me put her through University first. She said, 'I love him and we're getting married whether you like it or not, and if you don't like it then don't bother coming."...the first she had ever used that tone with me! (I was in fear of losing her so was rather 'walked on', and didn't like it but tried to keep the peace and paid for her wedding.) (1984) Later I knew she wasn't happy. It was obvious and she told me he owed $250,000.00, when they married, hadn't told her. (He was already borrowing from me.) He kept her in solitude and poverty, had 3 kids then kicked me off his property or he'd "put a bullet through my head", (1991)

Then she left him, (1994) but never talked to me about it, but I never said, "I told you so". I never would. Then she put herself through University, part-time while working part- time and had one, not successful, affair.

In 2010 she wrote to say she is lesbian, so my choices as to what her problems really were are there. Maybe there were others, like losing her son to his father @ 14., but he is 26 now, all appears well ...except now the youngest son (20) doesn't appear on Facebook with her.

I suspect that I will never know the real truth of WHY? and even if I guessed it, she would never admit.....but she sure loved me when she was little and we were joined at the hip. She had things she wanted, but also had her chores and an allowance to. She was never into drugs, drinking, or smoking, was an A+ student graduating High School with Honours! Does that sound like a troubled child?

"Look to the man", I say, considering where she is today!

Thanks all for trying!
edit on 19-3-2013 by canadiansenior70 because: add info



posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 07:56 PM
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reply to post by canadiansenior70
 

We are taught that God loves us all.
If you were lucky, you were taught that.
Did you teach your daughter that too?
I think God does love us, otherwise He wouldn't have taken on the burden of being a god.
That's the main requirement for the god job, that you love everyone.
Otherwise He would have been flunked out of god school.



posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 08:24 PM
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Originally posted by jmdewey60
reply to post by canadiansenior70
 

We are taught that God loves us all.
If you were lucky, you were taught that.
Did you teach your daughter that too?
I think God does love us, otherwise He wouldn't have taken on the burden of being a god.
That's the main requirement for the god job, that you love everyone.
Otherwise He would have been flunked out of god school.


This post bothers me some. I know you're trying to be supportive and handle it gingerly, but it still bothers me.
Nothing says God has to love us, but he does.
There is not "god school" , even though I know you're saying it lightheartedly, there will be no Gods before him, there are no other Gods, so there couldn't possibly be a "god school".
Not being attackful in any way, just wanted to state why the post bothered me.

OP, the only thing you can do is reach out to her, put your own emotions on the back burner and see if she'll accept a conversation. She may say no and it will be painful. She may say yes and it will be painful. You can only hope the pain leads the way to great joy and happiness in the end.

My suggestions that you can choose to try or not try would be

1. Leave the door wide open, no giving alternatives such as "talk to me or ....". Just say "I'd like to talk with you, mostly listen and hope you want to as well. Please let me know if you would like to try". No giving her a time or date or directing it in any way. Let the choice be hers.

2. Listen. Don't talk, just listen. Apologize whenever and where ever you can with sincere apologies such as "I didn't realize you felt that way, I'm so sorry that you took it that way", not "I'm sorry for doing that". Address the feelings, not the actions.

3. Let her know that as your daughter, she's the most important person in your life and you will always love her. Don't let the lesbianism be an issue. That's who she is, or at least who she thinks she is. Don't judge it, don't even let it into the conversation. Accept it even if you don't agree and move on to her relationship with you as opposed to her relationship with anyone else.

4. Be ready for her to say no. It will hurt, it will hurt a lot, but it's a possibility. If she says no, don't get angry or assertive, just tell her the door is open if she ever changes her mind and you love her. Nothing else, no details, just tell her the door is open and you would really like it if she were able to come in.

Good luck!



posted on Mar, 19 2013 @ 08:51 PM
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reply to post by kthxbai
 

. . . there will be no Gods before him, there are no other Gods . . .
And I suppose you probably also know His name and which stone building He lives in on a hilltop in the Middle East.
Jesus is God.
There's one.
The Father of Jesus is God.
That makes two, so far.
The Holy Ghost is God.
That's three.

Nothing says God has to love us, but he does.
He wouldn't hardly be "God" then, would He?
edit on 19-3-2013 by jmdewey60 because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 20 2013 @ 06:05 PM
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reply to post by kthxbai
 


I have done all you suggest and .... nothing....

Being a lesbian is not an issue for me and I replied that I was happy that she was finally happy..... she knew that I saw her unhappy life with her husband,

There is something Else! Something I don't know! or there is something she doesn't know (duh!) as to why we are estranged.
edit on 20-3-2013 by canadiansenior70 because: spell






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