Exterminators - a 1,500 word short about vampires...

EXTERMINATORS

1. Bacon

"Raining again," Mickey thought to himself. "It's July and it's raining again. It always rain in Manchester."

Of course, Mickey wasn't quite right. It was actually a fallacy that the great city of Manchester thrived beneath a perpetual cloudy sky, even if it felt like it sometimes. Mickey wasn't from around these parts, but he'd been up North for a fortnight now. A cluster had somehow sprung up in the city, so Mickey and Alan had been sent to sort it out.

"Here you go, pal." smiled Alan as he opened the door to the white transit van and handed Mickey a paper bag that smelled strongly of grease. "Get it down you, lad."

Mickey smiled weakly. He knew the rain put him in a bad mood, but as Alan was so fond of saying – bacon makes everything better. The two men sat in the van chomping down on their bacon barms. The pair hadn't worked together very long, but Alan knew from the start that they'd get along. They shared the same breakfast order; crispy bacon on a white roll, no margarine but English mustard.

A man's breakfast choices said a lot about him, in Alan's opinion anyhow.

"So, where are we going today?" enquired Mickey, suddenly feeling fortified by the salty satisfaction of the bacon.

"Place out in Middleton. Not a million miles from here actually. The office say that there's a confirmed case on one of the housing estates. It's an old one apparently, so it shouldn't prove too much trouble. They've evacuated the neighbours already."

"Smashing. Shall we go and take a look then?"

2. Estate

Within half an hour, Mickey and Alan had arrived at their destination - a high rise tower block that had seen better days. In the car park, the two men busied themselves at the back of the van; clambering into their white boiler suits, checking to make sure that their equipment was in good order. It seemed like a straight forward job, but they certainly didn't want to find themselves missing anything important once they were in there. That had happened once or twice before, so it was best to be sure. Finally satisfied, the pair strode towards the tower block entrance.

"What shall we do tonight then, pal?" asked Alan.

"I don't want to stay in the hotel again. Bloody hell. I don't mind being away from home, but it doesn't half get on my tits spending night after night watching pay per view."

Alan laughed, it was true. Living in a hotel made even the most level headed man go a little stir crazy.

"Perhaps we should go and to the pub? Its steak night, I think."

"Yeah. Good idea." Mickey replied, pressing the call button for the lift. "Perhaps have a game of snooker a bit later as well. If you don't mind losing again, that is."

Alan laughed again. It was also true.

"Let me worry about my game, sunshine. Winner pays for the table."

"You're such a #ing cheapskate, Alan."

With that, the two men stepped into the life, taking a moment to check their notes, before pressing the button for 14.

"So, what we got then, mate?" Mickey asked, whilst admiring the handiwork of the local graffiti 'artists' that adorned the lift carriage.

"Well, it's not confirmed but we're looking for an elderly one. A male actually. The police say he looks about eighty, so I'd imagine that's five hundred years old or so in real terms."

"Five hundred, eh? Wonder how he managed to avoid detection for so long." Mickey mused,

"Hey look, Sandra J apparently sucks cocks for money. Might have to give her a call a bit later."

Alan laughed. He liked working with Mickey.

"I dunno why he hasn't been picked up before. Probably a slow feeder or something. Word is he picked up a young girl a couple of weeks back. I expect he's starting to fall apart and needs virgin blood to keep going. The police are looking into a few other disappearances around here from the last ten years or so, but that girl is the only confirmed victim."

"Needed a virgin, eh? Must have been a struggle finding one of those around here."

Mickey laughed, perhaps a little louder than he intended. Alan smiled, but didn't join in.

"Well, this one was ten. I don't think even here they start that early."

Mickey's laugh was stopped in its tracks.

"Oh, right. That isn't good, is it? Not good at all."

The pair stood in silence for the last few seconds of the lift journey.

3. Extermination

Walking down the long, and dirty corridor, both men knew what they were looking for. There were tell tale signs, and both had been doing this long enough to know them. Sure enough, it took less than a minute to find what they were looking for – a flat with its windows blacked out with bin liners backed with tin foil. Mickey silently wondered how stupid people actually were to not notice something like that. There were only two kinds of people who blacked out their windows; people growing weed, and vampires.

Vampires were a real pain in the hole, and the media really wasn't helping. Both men hated that stupid 'Twilight' book; not only was it a piece of literary #, it made people curious about the undead. Before it came out, people were scared of vampires, and reported their suspicions straight away. Nowadays people were actually interested in them, and some idiots even flocked to places they turned up hoping to catch a glimpse of these charismatic and beautiful creatures. They were neither beautiful nor charismatic though, they were parasites that existed in the fringes of the afterlife. The only thing these people usually caught a glimpse of was a pair of fangs. People were idiots.

As Alan prepared the battering ram, Mickey pulled a thick black marker from his boiler suit pocket and drew a large cross on his breast. He did the same for Alan. Reaching into his case, he pulled out their two main pieces of standard equipment; a surgical grade wooden stake and a daylight torch. With everything in place, Alan battered down the door and the pair marched into the dingy, dirty flat to carry out the extermination.

"Right, where is this bloodsucking bastard?" snarled Mickey as the pair searched from room to room.

"He's in here." replied Alan, motioning to the living room. "I've found the girl too."

The pair stormed into the room, wielding their daylight torches like guns. And there it was, a crumbly old vampire fast asleep in an easy chair. He was so decrepit that he hadn't even been stirred by the sound of two people smashing their way into his nest to destroy him. Next to his chair lay the desiccated remains of the little girl, he'd sucked every last drop from her. They'd seen worse.

"Wake up you #er!" yelled Alan, his finger on the torch trigger.

Slowly the vampire's eyes opened, they were blood red and watery. The creature instinctively bared its fangs as a warning.

"Yes, we know what you are." sighed Mickey, rolling his eyes. "Blast the bastard, Alan!"

With that Alan squeezed the trigger, shining piercing daylight onto the elderly creature ; instantly stunning him. The sunlight method of destruction had been outlawed ten years previously for causing unnecessary suffering. The torch was used to immobilise, never to kill.

"Vampire," began Mickey, "we have been authorised to eliminate you in the name of Her Majesty the Queen in accordance with the Section Two of the Vampire Clearance Code, 1956, which forbids vampires living covertly amongst human beings. You have no right to appeal. It is our duty to inform you that your body will be repatriated to your people, and your