How can I deal with all my families problems?

reply to post by canucks555


I see where you're coming from with that comment. Thanks I'll remember that.

Originally posted by Phoenix267
reply to post by kdog1982

 

No, I didn't cause the problems. But I want to get outta here and just talk to someone to calm me down.

You are young and you can walk away .The only responsibilities you have are for yourself at this stage in life.
Be strong,make good decisions.

But you need to go talk to someone,if you can that knows you and your current situation if that is possible.

This place is not the place for that.

Peace too you,
K

reply to post by kdog1982


Thanks for the reply. Yeah I need to just be myself and strong. Thanks again.

reply to post by Phoenix267


Feel free to PM me anytime about that stuff..
-83% of this and every other forum goes through the same &^%. It's "Life" and in lots of instances what may seem (at the time) to be an "inconvenience" ..May turn out later to be a life changer
(in a positive way.)
cheers welcome to the forum

reply to post by canucks555


Sure! I'll message you whenever. I'm thinking about going to bed soon anyway. Glad it's Spring.

reply to post by Phoenix267


You are welcome. It's amazing how cheaply a single intelligent person can live for when they decide to. Being in your position, you simply don't realize how inappropriate it is for you to put up with this stuff because you've been in that environment this whole time. For many people around 25 who would look in on your situation, it's like looking at a beautiful/smart woman In an abusive relationship. They can't understand why someone would put up with it. But to the woman with a history of abuse, it may be all they know/that they a simply in a bad pattern of being with certain kinds of men.

You can be a good son and brother remotely without being caught up in their problems/perpetual drama. You will in fact do more good by being calmer and in better spirits when you are around them, and offering advice/consul. You will understand maybe six months in when you are at a movie with a pretty girl, not worrying about taking her around your crazy family situation, or maybe during some moment of peace having a beer on the porch after a good day of work/being with a friend. You will look back on it thinking "Man, I can't believe things were like that and that I didn't get on with MY life and MY dreams/happiness sooner", and it will click and you'll see how outsiders looking in to your situation now can simply tell you to get the hell out/etc., heh.

reply to post by Phoenix267


It's not spring yet.



Another four days. Jeeeez you got a lot to learn
jk laterzz

reply to post by AkumaStreak


That's awesome. I believe you and would make this work! Thanks!

reply to post by canucks555


It feels like it's Spring/Summer. Really nice to have a lot of sunny days.

reply to post by Phoenix267


Sure, and also, you would be an even more positive role model for your brothers by moving out/becoming more independent, making some moves that they could aspire to when battling their drug issues. Peace and welcome to ATS.

I am so sorry you are forced to deal with this, especially since it involves your own family. I wish you strength and courage to carry on, to find a new place and a semblence of peace.

reply to post by Phoenix267


You need to draw some BOUNDARIES asap !!! You may feel this need to take care of everybody ...but you need to take into consideration what you are really capable of doing. I don't know anything about you but I'm sure you have responsibilities of your own. You have your own life to live. I'm not so sure this is the greatest place to talk about this either. I have been through similar things and I have found private groups for support specifically to my needs. If you need help in that direction you can pm me.
Take a break ...no matter how much you beat yourself up, it won't get you anywhere. \
Blessings

Originally posted by Murgatroid
Have you spoken to God about it?

He's much better at dealing with problems than any one else I know...

Was that sarcasm ? Because that is the most bias, pompous pile, that they specifically train people NOT TO DO in any type of emotional turmoil.

Originally posted by paleorchid13
Was that sarcasm ? Because that is the most bias, pompous pile, that they specifically train people NOT TO DO in any type of emotional turmoil.

No, it's called TRUTH.

You might want to try it some time.

Unless of course you cant handle it.

Call it whatever names you like, it is STILL the truth.

That sort of hatred and immature ridicule only serves to destroy your OWN credibility.

BTW: who is "they"?

I hate the saying "some people have it worse" sure they do, it doesn't make what you're going through any less. I have been in your shoes, you will feel better when you realize you can't fix this. You help push, but the real work your brothers have to do. They have to want to change and if legal issues have not sparked the want for change in them, nothing will. First, GET THOSE KIDS AWAY FROM THOSE TWO.. Foster care would be better than being in a house of druggies. Second, get your parents to stop being enablers! Make your parents understand they are doing more harm than good by giving them money. Cut them both off and out of your lives if you have to. I know it's easier said than done but, you have to put you and your happiness first. Change is never easy and scoring their next drug of choice is a lot easier then dealing with withdrawal. I wish you luck and you can send me a private message anytime you need an ear. My family went through the same thing with my brother, only it was alcohol. My parents bailed him out, took him to 3 different rehab places. I lost count how many times he was locked up due to alcohol. Just remember you can't do it for them, they have to want it.

Work on yourself. Don't worry about their issues even though you are there to absorb it all. Their problems are a reflection of your own, that you need to deal with deep down. Try meditating. Sit down somewhere quiet and just listen to the sound of your breath, talk to your higher consciousness. You don't need to talk to a "God" like some people are pushing on you here.. you just talk and listen to YOUR higher consciousness. A bigger part of you. Once you connect with yourself and see the power you hold, you problems merely melt away as you learn to see they are a reflection of you.

Not saying you are the cause or the root of your family problems. You can just learn to control the need to run away from these problems, and learn to deal with them.

Take up a hobby, go for runs, hit the gym, explore nature, go to shows. Live life. Don't dwell on problems.

Peace and Love.

If you have brothers called Peter and Paul that would suggest your family is catholic. Catholic mothers have a tendency to forgive everything their kids do, and it sounds like this is whats going on in your family...leaving you to have to deal with the mess.

No doubt you are someone who your mother depends on because the other brothers are useless.

You cant save people like this...you cant change them...things will keep on going the way they are heading...All you can do is save yourself.


Set yourself a goal now..to save every penny...even if you only save a few hundred dollars it will give you hope that you can keep on track. Once you have enough money get the hell out of there.

Whilst your still living there, stay out of the company of your family as much as possible...like you said join a gym or something positive like that to keep your mind off all the drama and stay healthy.

Stay in your room and listen to music etc.

It sounds harsh, but Im not telling you anything I havent done myself. Cut people out of your life that only bring negativity and drama.
You have ONE life.. and you should make certain of your priorities and where you can excel or be held back. In the end some who you have severed will come to you for help or forgiveness.. though most will wallow in their toxicity for their lifetimes. If or when they come to you is when youre help is needed and wanted.. and accepted. Ive never regretted severing ties with toxic people. Make some goals and set your priorities... and dont waver from them.

There is no simple solution or easy fix here. Sounds harsh, but it's the truth.
You can't make someone who doesn't want to quit drugs or alcohol quit against their will. That's something only the addict can decide for themselves. The best you can do is try to convince them, but don't run yourself down trying either.
You can try to explain this to your parents, but again, it's up to them to ultimately make that change themselves. All you can do past helping convince them there needs to be a change, is help them manage ways to do that if they decide too. Just because they should listen to you doesn't meant they will, and that sucks but it happens sometimes. Sounds like they might be more reasonable about the matter than your brother. I'm sure they don't approve of his shenanigans, but don't know how to give him tough love by letting them hit rock bottom. It comes from a good place but with a bad outcome. Despite the fact it's a religious saying "good intentions pave the road to hell" fits here well.
I know you're trying to help them, so in turn your life improves, but these are their choices (albeit bad ones) and sometimes we can't change others choices, even when it effects yours. You can help by trying to bring them to this conclusion, but if you beat that drum too loud and too often, they will just stop listening, and it will actually hurt your cause. Lecture in moderation, and don't get derogatory or holier-than-thou, no put downs; or they will stop listening.
The most effective thing you can do, is just doing what's best for you, despite the obstacles they create. Just think, every obstacle caused by them that you have to overcome will make you stronger in life. (at least the ones you can't avoid)
I take it you are young enough to live at home, if so living in the same home with this is only temporary anyway. Rise above, then lead by example. Sounds like you have good personal boundaries for life, but realize that doesn't come to everyone so easily. It's not easy to quit either drugs or bad habits (even bad parenting habits) even when you're actively making that effort. IF they do hear you out, it's a long hard road ahead.

Tell you parents to cut ties with your brothers.

That should improve lives for you guys, and possibly them to if they have no back up plan for their spending and shelter.