A Parody of Today's Visit with the 'Chemo Guy' doc:

So, when did you first notice that you had a bullet in you?

'Well, I noticed a slight pain in the right side that wasn't there on the left side. When I finally got around to feeling about, I noticed the bullet hole...'

Well then, it seems like we got the bullet entirely removed and there are no remnants of it anywhere. In fact, it seems to be a fairly rare kind of bullet; rather... lazy... as bullets go. It could have been there for years, in fact; just hanging around not doing much of any damage whatsoever.

So, the way we want to treat you for this, based on studies which match up people with somewhat your kind of bullet and other parameters, and given the chance of recurrence of getting another gunshot wound which is 15%, is to give you these treatments. Of course, these treatments take place very near the place where bullets are made and fired randomly, but don't let that worry you. If you continue with these treatments for 5 to 10 years, they should reduce your chances of another bullet wound by half of that 15%! We feel that it's important to treat all bullet wound patients the same way because we don't know which ones may be in that small percent that may be helped. Of course, the treatments do put you at risk for stab wounds in random places on your body, and possibly more gunshot wounds in other places, or in the same place...

'Oh my! Well, what are my risks of getting more stab wounds or more gunshot wounds with the treatments, then?'

We really don't know. It's a crap shoot.

'Well, how bad would the potential side effects of stabbings and new bullet wounds be?'

Oh, most people tolerate the treatments with only minimal stab wounds. Annoying piercings, random slashes, things like that. We'll have you come in for blood tests every six months and bone scans every two years to make sure that your liver hasn't been stabbed or your bones shot through with holes or something. If you get too many stabbings and the pain starts to bother you, we have other treatments we can try, which also come with their risk of stabbings and shootings, of course. But you might be less likely to get those. And, too, most of the stabbings, we have other treatments for. Of course, those treatments also have some potential side effect risks, too.

'Okaaayyy.... what if I simply move somewhere far from bullets, guns, gun stores, people shooting guns and also knives of any sort, or people who like knives? What if I really change my lifestyle to avoid anything that might attract bullets or knives?'

Oh, we haven't studied that. (Smiles indulgently, like I'm a child) Did you read that on the internet or something?

'How about if I wear armor everywhere I go, in addition to moving a ways away from bullets, guns and knives?'

We haven't studied that. It may have benefits, and I'm sure what with the billions of dollars we spend on research, we'll get around to it some day...

This is a brilliant juxtapositioning of gunshot wounds healed by chemo.

Sometimes it's the ridiculousness of the situation that awakens our sleeping scholar.

This reminds me of the 80's US ad campaign of animals smoking cigarettes to demonstrate the utter innanity of smoking. I still remember the dog wearing glasses puffing on a stogie.