I really need some relationship advice.

reply to post by Akragon


I appreciate your advice, but in my experience, waiting on a woman to make a move is waiting for what will never happen. I understand what your getting at, and if the gender roles (for lack of better term) were switched, I think it would be good advice. I think I should probably at least stop by and see how she's doing, whether she just wants to be friends or not. I know her good enough to know what course of action to take once I see her.

reply to post by DarknStormy


Thanks, the only reason I don't want to just show up un-announced is just out of manners. People have lives aside from their friends, and I like to respect that. I'm overly polite sometimes, I guess. Everybody has the friend who just show up whenever he or she gets a wild hair to do it, and everybody gets a bit annoyed at that person. Being that it's been 2 weeks or so, I guess it wouldn't hurt to just drop by.

Originally posted by dave_welch
reply to post by Akragon

 

I appreciate your advice, but in my experience, waiting on a woman to make a move is waiting for what will never happen. I understand what your getting at, and if the gender roles (for lack of better term) were switched, I think it would be good advice. I think I should probably at least stop by and see how she's doing, whether she just wants to be friends or not. I know her good enough to know what course of action to take once I see her.

Fair enough brother... its your life

Some questions though...

Do you know if she's seeing anyone at the moment... women do tend to conceal things like this from other "potential mates"

Do you know why she canceled her facebook?

Is it possible you might be the reason for it?

She might be trying to reconcile with her hubby...

I stand by my statement... I would steer clear until she comes to you... but again its your life

Good luck

I'm overly polite sometimes,

That is the friend zone brother...

As a female I am going to say go and tell her. If she is that close you have no excuse. If she does have similar feelings and you never show up she will think you never cared then it will be too late. Do it now and get it over with, don't wait. Stop being insecure and grow a pair. No offense. If you are friends then she won't mind you showing up out of concern. Give a few days or so if you don't hear from her, don't jump to conclusions that she is cutting you off already. She could be going through something personal.

You say she is separated right? Does she live with him and has she dated since their separation? When you say she drunk text you, what did she say? If you dont mind me asking.

reply to post by DeReK DaRkLy


Thanks, I guess I used the wrong word when I said Infatuation. I don't get school boy crushes anymore, haven't in years. I know the difference between a crush and the real thing, I guess you could say. That doesn't make what you've written wrong or anything. Basically, I just want to stop by to make sure everything is going okay with her and her kids, and anything else I'll take care of after I see how things are.

reply to post by Akragon


That's mainly the reason why I want to go over there, just to make sure her and her kids are doing okay. If she's trying to reconcile with her husband, then that's great, especially for her kids, I just want to make sure everything is okay. I'll figure out the rest afterward.

As for why she deleted her facebook, I honestly don't know. I'm pretty sure it wasn't anything I did. It may even be as innocent as deleting it because without a phone, she can only check it at college using their wi-fi. Mostly my plan is to just stop by and see how she's doing, I know her well enough to pick up on it whether she says anything or not.

Originally posted by dave_welch
reply to post by Akragon

 

That's mainly the reason why I want to go over there, just to make sure her and her kids are doing okay. If she's trying to reconcile with her husband, then that's great, especially for her kids, I just want to make sure everything is okay. I'll figure out the rest afterward.

As for why she deleted her facebook, I honestly don't know. I'm pretty sure it wasn't anything I did. It may even be as innocent as deleting it because without a phone, she can only check it at college using their wi-fi. Mostly my plan is to just stop by and see how she's doing, I know her well enough to pick up on it whether she says anything or not.

Well clearly you're a very caring individual... that's always bonus points...

Im just trying to help you avoid disappointment... Dealing with a "separated" person is mighty touchy... especially when it comes to sexual needs...

All the luck in the world my friend... just be careful

The only relationship advice I will ever give is "date them, don't marry them".

Pretty much self explanatory.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Yeah, she's dated since they've been separated, he's in the Army and is stationed on the east coast, as far as I know he has a girl living with him, they just haven't been able to come up with the money for a divorce yet.

As far as the drunk text goes, I'd rather not repeat what was said. Let's just say that it was rather sexual in nature, and I texted her back, mostly though I didn't want to take advantage of her being drunk. I talked to her about it the next day though, and I know I was the only person she tried that with. I know her pretty well, and at first when I received the text, I though maybe somebody had her phone and was playing tricks. Actually, when we talked about it the next day, that was when I realized that she might feel the same way about me as I do about her. She's not the type of person to just sleep with anybody who comes along.

reply to post by Akragon


I'm kind of past the point where I'll be too disappointed. Besides, a little disappointment never really hurt anybody, I've been there before. Actually, I've grown up enough now to be able to guard myself better, I don't let things like this affect me like they used to.

Im just trying to help you avoid disappointment... Dealing with a "separated" person is mighty touchy... especially when it comes to sexual needs...

He did mention they were separated for 2 years...that's just too cheap to get divorced.

reply to post by dave_welch

Get a dog. No confusion and they will always like you if you feed and walk them. And BTW they won't unfriend you on facebook

Woof

After some thought, I feel in situations like this you always have to go for it.

I'd say especially in your case. You seem to have given off the impression that you aren't interested. I think the odds of her making a move in this case is extremely low.

I'm really glad I read this thread. I'm actually in a similar predicament. The details are completely different, but the general situation is identical.
It helped give me some perspective because I wasn't quite sure what to do either.

reply to post by UnknownEntity4U


I rarely had a job without work relationships before finding my love, (restaurants mostly), they all worked, I think it just depends on the preconceived fantasy about what the relationship should be instead of enjoying it for what it is and seeing what it may become.

Phobia Nation???-- somethings either wrong with her or you took to long to let your feelings be known and she has shut you out. Or both. She has a lot on her plate with those young children and doesnt have a job, and the husband isnt there for them, so yes shes going through A LOT right now.

From a female point of view...Go For It ! I think people are often more open after drinking with thier true feelings....if she could text you a sexy message, she knew what she was saying...just gave her the courage to say it......

Where you went wrong was to not initiate "romance" with her after that....if she gives you the "vibes" she is happy to see you.....take her in your arms and give her a passionate kiss.....not in front of the kids of course..lol......

Relationship advice on ATS. Man what next? I don't know whats funnier, the replies or the person seriously asking the question

Originally posted by pacifier2012


Relationship advice on ATS. Man what next? I don't know whats funnier, the replies or the person seriously asking the question

Then why come into the relationship forum ATS has provided?

In Vino Veritas - In wine there is truth, whatever she said.

Hell's Bells man, go over there! People in her situation (and you also) need all the help and friendship they can get these days. If you've known her THAT long, it's rude not to stop by, since any other way of contact is not happening. Just go over during the daytime when you know the kids will be there and if you get a chance to talk, REALLY TALK. Tell her you care for her and her welfare and also the children, and if there's anything you can do for her, she just has to ask.

And after you've found out if she's dating someone else, reconciling with the husband, or just massively embarassed at what she wrote you while drunk (she shouldn't be drinking with little kids, btw) tell her you care for her and want more of a relationship than what you've had up to now. If she's honest with herself she can be honest with you too. Tell her that saying no thanks won't change the friendship one iota; for one thing, you've already got a history to fall back on.

You can go over there, and the and the answer may be no, forcing you to move on with your life.
Or you can do nothing and the answer will always be no by default, forcing you to move on with your life.

Imagine yourself as an old man on his deathbed looking back at his life. Do you really want to wonder what would have happened in your life if you would have gone over there and told her how you felt, or would you rather know whether you won the girl or not?