Anapana will help you handle this.
If you accept that existence is consciousness-only, and that consciousness is simply an aspect of Mind, which Mind can cultivate, then it becomes an
exercise of truly mastering function and virtue.
Heart is not the romantic ideals that people have of it. Heart is that which is unmoving and can fully reflect Mind, and be one with it. If heart
opens even mildly, and this is not something that ever happens for the average person, but it can happen without any actual spiritual cultivation - if
it happens it's like the entirety of the consciousness tableau of your life being pulled through heart.
Things can get shaken up pretty badly, or even mangled up, and take on whole new meanings and dimensions, or fully lose meaning and dimension.
Ultimately, whether they take on meaning or lose all meaning is irrelevant, what is relevant is that you realize that this whole thing you call your
life is consciousness-only, and that you have a choice of taking up function and virtue and learning to control the process.
As I said, anapana will help tremendously - if you learn to be mindful in the breath body and let go of all else, then at worst you'll simply have to
retreat to another room for a few hours until you're stable, and act like nothing happened, even if in reality you are full of questions and fear
about what you're experiencing.
The truth is, climbing the samadhi degrees towards awakening, and practicing doing good things for yourself and others - are the only real things you
can do. So put all your energy into that, and eventually your karma will clear to the point where you're stable no matter what, and your family's
opinion of you is also not that relevant anymore.
To this end, here are four mantras that can fully and permanently change your destiny.
First, the Zhunti mantra. This is a mantra secretly used in Zen, and it is one of the most powerful mantras - it CAN open the middle heart, and it IS
the middle heart. It is, if you will, the perfect expression of the heart.
Namo Sadoh Nah
Samyak Sampo Doh
Dah Zah Toh
Ohm Zhurli Zhuli
For many people it's very hard to learn.
Next, the Supreme 6-Syllable Mantra, which many people think is very mundane, because it's very popular and much used in Tibet. However, this is
purely by the merit of Buddha Avalokiteshvara, and by no means indicative of the mantra being any less powerful.
Om Mani Padme Hum
It is profoundly related to Zhunti. Avalokiteshvara, when still a Bodhisattva, practiced with Om Mani Padme Hum, and when he reached deep samadhi with
it, he heard countless Buddhas all shout the Zhunti mantra at him from countless universes.
Om Mani Padme Hum transforms the 6 wrong processes (bliss and pride, jealousy and need for entertainment, passion and desire, ignorance and prejudice,
poverty and possessiveness, aggression and hatred) into 6 right functions (generosity, pure ethics, tolerance and patience, perseverance,
concentration, wisdom). This transforms consciousness and the physical body, as karmically speaking, all your physical and consciousness processes are
born of the balance between these fundamentally right or wrong 6 processes.
With Om Mani Padme Hum you can abide in the dirt of all existence, and with Zhunti, you are already beyond it.
Om Amrita Teja Vate Svaha.
It is the center (heart) of a much longer mantra, called the Ushnisha Vijaya. It gives birth to profound light and can lift you from all conflict and
entrapment, and dark karma. It does many other things, but you can only discover them through practice.
And finally, Vajrasattva, who is the Buddha of perfect karma, or of no-karma, most pure one. His mantra basically melts karma, it no longer sticks to
you in any way.
Om Vajrasattva Hum
This is his short mantra. There is also a 100 syllable Vajrsattva mantra, which is central to Tibetan Buddhist practice. When you're ready to learn
it, look for it. You'll find it easily.
Mantra practice is also easy. Simply focus internally on a mantra. Concentrate, be mindful of it. As you reach degrees of concentration with it, you
will also be able to be mindful of other things, such as walking, talking, landscapes, ANYTHING. As you reach concentration, the mantra is stable
within you, and all else is also present around you, or not present, this no longer matters as much.
This is also a form of Zen practice, a form of right concentration, a form of gaining samadhi, and of changing one's destiny. Mantras have functions,
and they teach you things. And they can be combined with being mindful of the breath.
Breath, Mind, and mantra are one. Who says this is difficult?
Just concentrate. Unlike the passing tableau of existence, which is always coming and going, a Buddha mantra is the perfectly stable aspect of a
Buddha Mind. It is expressed so that all beings may practice their way back to it, but in truth, even when forgotten in the depth of deepest
ignorance, mantras are actually always there, the fundamental language. But they are obscured.
edit on 8-3-2013 by Fevrier because: (no reason