posted on Mar, 7 2013 @ 03:58 PM
reply to post by merkins
Originally posted by merkins
reply to post by jcutler12888
The biggest problem I have in my personal circumstances is how do you forgive someone for things they deny ever happened? And this is exactly what
this predator cardinal did for years and years.
In a kind of twisted way I'm lucky that the sexual abuse was outside the family and nothing to do with them. As for physical and psychological abuse,
well my parents, brother and sister, deny it ever happened. Phantom memories my arse. Do phantom memories leave physical scars?
Unfortuately despite being a tall and strong male, the phys, psych, & sexual abuse followed me into relationships and other areas of life, and has
forever coloured my life with darkness. And trust? That's alien to me for the most part. I trust some ATS members more than I would people in real
life and I've only been a member a few months.
How these priests can remain in that church that protected this predator is mindblowing to me? And you just know there are others who for many
reasons have not come forward prseumably due to adverse affects on their careers and personal lives.
I behave very differently in every aspect of my life than I would have if I had ever been valued by others as I grew up.
I kinda see Cardinal O'Brien as a guy who is admitting to what he did, saying he's "sorry", and not losing a bit of sleep over it. THAT'S what makes
it maddening, How do you forgive someone if they don't care whether you forgive them or not because what they've done is of no consequence to them?
Here's the problem for me with forgiveness...in my case, everyone knows he did it. EVERYONE. They know that the physical, sexual, and psychological
abuse went on for THIRTEEN years. And he's a close family member. Yet no one will do anything about it, he's still free and quite smug about things
and has the nerve to try to contact me to "reminisce" about everything that's he did to me in the past and talk about what more he'd still like to do
to me, etc. The word atrocious simply doesn't cover it all. He doesn't deny it...he actually owns up to it and is proud of it and he wants to hurt me
more. It's insane. How do you do the Christian thing and forgive and forget (for your own sake, really?) when it's shoved in your face so often? How
do you let go of anger when everyone knows what happened and the person who did it talks about it like a personal achievement? You can't, you don't,
and I just believe its not possible to forgive or let go of anger under those circumstances. I definitely understand what you're saying about being
glad that it happened outside of your family...I actively crusade against this kind of stuff, working with charities and speaking on the matter at
schools and stuff, but deep down I'm still ashamed that I was used by a family member for their sick, twisted desires. I don't care about the scars on
my body fom belt buckles and pain in my bones from where they were broken time and again...I just wish the ones on the inside weren't so big.
The darkness has colored my life and followed me as well. I'm just a small weak girl and it's like being someone who was abused for almost my whole
life made me the perfect candidate to be abused further...I left my abusive home only to go directly into my first rwlationship which became an
abusive marriage, which I got out of three years ago. I'm twenty-four and I've only had THREE years to work on being "normal" or "okay" again, and I
don't think three hundred would be long enough to achieve that. Trust is a joke when you know that the only person in the world that you can trust is
yourself...and that's how I feel.
I, too, behave very differently that I would've if I had ever been valued growing up, and especially if I had never been abused. It's like abuse
killed the person I was and left me as the lesser person that I am today.
The clergy stay in the Church with the justification of "I was never involved with any of that and I still believe in what the Church stands for" and
blah blah blah blah blah...when we all know it's simply because they don't wanna give up their jobs or their success or their egos and
edit on 3/7/2013 by jcutler12888 because: (no reason given)
edit on 3/7/2013 by jcutler12888 because: (no reason