Online Dating...

reply to post by fr33kSh0w2012


On Emotional Stability you are:
VERY RESPONSIVE


Words That Describe You:
Emotional
Insightful
Perceptive
Sensitive
Self-conscious


A General Description of Your Reactivity

Each one of us encounters some hard times; we get caught off guard, or feel a sudden swell of emotion, whether from fear, joy, anger or sadness. Life is just like this sometimes. You know that because you are an emotional person. Some people go to great lengths to keep their emotions under wraps, to keep a stiff upper lip, to not let others know what emotions they are feeling. But that is not you. You embrace all of life's emotions, both the joys and the turmoil that life brings our way.

When you're having fun with a group of friends you don't even try to contain your pleasure; you laugh hard and feel every moment of the conversation because of the joy that comes from the experience. You make very intense friendships; ones where all of the depth of emotions that you feel can be shared. Emotions are such an essential part of your everyday life. You may cry at intense movies or when watching a sad story on the evening news. You get angry, at others or at yourself, and you do not stifle it. Emotions drive your personality and your relationships - you simply are what you feel.

You experience both the highs and the lows more profoundly than most. And you usually relish the intensity of your emotions. For sure you enjoy the positive times. There are those times, though, when your feelings get the best of you and you wonder how you will manage the moment. But because you are so in tune with all of your emotions you will experience something very pleasant and will be able to engage with that positive feeling to again enjoy the wonderful intensity that life brings you.


Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

If we were to ask you what negative reactions may result from your approach to your emotions, it would likely be that some people find it hard to deal with your strong feelings. They might think of you as emotionally "over the top," and wish you would be more like those who are always emotionally composed and less prone to fully engage their emotions.


Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

Despite any negative reactions others may have toward you, many people will be grateful for your strong emotions and your willingness to experience these emotions. They will appreciate the candor with which you express even your deepest feelings, feelings they themselves might want to express but may find difficult to share. Your openness will be an encouragement to them as well. Still others may find your intensity compelling; they feel emotionally flat, and you could be a burst of passion in their dull worlds, and an encouragement to them to "get with" their own feelings. Any or all of these people will be grateful for a friend who is so emotionally present.

Please read next post

I've used online dating a fair bit and on the whole it was a positive experience.
You have to be tough though and be prepared for a lot of disappointment.
It is a numbers game in many ways. The bigger the website the more competition there will be, but also the higher the chances of meeting the right girl. I think considering location is important. Do not bother talking to anyone who doesn't live in the same town as you, its a waste of time, also if you are after a particular type then try more specialised sites.

By the way I met my current partner on one of the largest dating sites. I knew what kind of girl I wanted:
a healthy fit and lean one. I simply searched for girls who liked yoga, e-mailed her about it and boom, 1st date was all it took (and some luck I guess!)
Also if you are mid-late 30's you have a better chance meeting a similar age woman because of the biological clock ticking, they are looking for "the one" and they are looking to get pregnant!

Photos are essential, work out to get some muscles on there!
A photo speaks a million words

Be yourself on your profile and good luck!

reply to post by fr33kSh0w2012


Your approach toward your obligations is:
FLEXIBLE


Words That Describe You:

Spontaneous
Intuitive
Perceptive
Natural
Somewhat Disorganized
Unpredictable At Times


A General Description of How You Interact with Others

When there's a job to be done, like most people you want to know what the goal is and when it's to be completed. For you, that's a start. Next you want to know what the plan is to get to the goal. So you lay out a plan, or at least the major points of a plan: "Organize the kitchen sometime this spring" or "Get the project at work done as soon as possible." You don't need an in-depth specification of every little detail; in fact you prefer not to work that way. You lay out your goals, develop a general plan, and then you get things done.

You believe in intuition as well as organization. As such, you trust impulses as much as strategies and you value spontaneity as much as you do efficiency. In a word, you like to keep it flexible. When you set out to accomplish a task, you prefer to have some room to maneuver. Like an artist, you find that the best way to reach a goal is not always in a straight line. Some of the most productive times for you are the unplanned moments of inspiration and creativity that just come to you. While you do keep to a general plan, those times of pure vision and originality are what really drive you.

Some of the people who rely completely on an organized approach to getting things done may be surprised at your efficiency. But there is a definite method to your approach. With a creative flair that others may not have anticipated, the original plan gets met and there are often a few extra accomplishments along the way. Your comfort zone starts with a task and a plan but it also requires the freedom to be able to go with your instincts and impulses so that you can not just accomplish the task, you also have the option to explore something brand new along the way.


Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

People may have problems with your style for two reasons. First, you don't always follow the rules or go along with detailed plans, whether at work or at home. Those who need the details to stay on task just don't quite understand how you are going to get it all done. Second, while you get things done - the way you veer off course at times and use your creativity may leave others wondering what went on. Some people find all this creativity and thinking "out-of-the-box" at odds with their desire to follow a clear course. And this causes not only some confusion it may also spark some anger toward you at times. Even you would likely admit that living and working with you takes someone who is able to let you do your thing at times. If someone is really tied to a rigid approach to how things should get done, there is clearly the potential for some conflict with you.

Every workplace and home does need a modicum of reliability and a decent amount or order and organization if it is to accommodate the mix of people who work or live there. That leads to a serious question for you: Are there times when your creative, though at times unpredictable, style keeps others off balance? Are there some plans that should be sacred, some space always well organized, some charts left as designed? Are there are some things you could change that would allow those who live and work with you to feel more in control; changes that wouldn't impinge on your creative processes? If others are finding your style to be difficult to deal with you may want to consider how you can all work together most efficiently.


Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

The truth is that your work style gets things done, often with more beauty, fun, creativity and imagination than others could ever manage. But your style is very unique to you. Flexibility is essential to your style. With your creativity and flexibility the path you take to any goal can make everyone's accomplishments more inventive and enjoyable. Bringing some extra enjoyment to people's work can be a real asset; one you may want to use more consciously.

Deep down inside there's also another truth you should consider. A lot of people wish they had some of whatever it is that you've got. They get so bogged down reading the committee notes or checking the project calendar that they seldom just cut loose and let their impulses run. They neglect their intuition to the point that it barely whispers - that is, until you come along with yours shouting out loud and remind everyone in the room that there's something to listen to besides the original plan and the orderly, organized path laid out to get there. So not only do you enhance the accomplishments of the group, you also enhance the lives of each member willing to find in themselves the spontaneity that is your trademark personal characteristic.

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reply to post by fr33kSh0w2012


When it comes to Extraversion you are:
VERY RESERVED


Words That Describe You:
Quiet
Reserved
Deliberate
Solitary
Cautious
Guarded
Purposeful
Meditative


A General Description of How You Interact with Others

You are quiet and reserved to the extent that others might think of you as a solitary person. They may be right in some ways - there are plenty of times when you prefer your own company to most social gatherings. You'd rather be alone with a good book and an evening of leisure than at a party or a committee meeting or in the crowds at the mall.

Others seem to enjoy the free flow of spontaneous conversations and group discussion more than do you. You like to think things through for yourself then offer up your opinions in measured and deliberate ways. And even when you are in conversations with others, you are cautious and guarded with others. You don't have a lot of interest in participating in larger groups like parties, committees and crowds, and you don't like the spotlight. You might even dread mandatory social events, such as office gatherings at holidays. You speak up when you have something to contribute to the conversation but you don't speak just to hear yourself talking. In most social circumstances you meet your obligations and then you look forward to getting back to your routine; where you find your deepest satisfaction.

Your social circle is probably not very large - you may have several close friends. You probably enjoy quieter social activities, maybe sharing meals or small gatherings with them. And even with your friends you may he somewhat guarded; you open up, but slowly, and share yourself, but in a slow and careful way. You want and need to be close to these people, but you take your time; you share yourself with them albeit cautiously at first.


Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

You may run into some social problems with certain people. They may see your deliberate style as aloof. Because these people are more gregarious, they may want and expect you to participate in social situations that you do not really enjoy. Their frustration with you may grow into irritation, as if your distance and guardedness is about them, when you know well that's it's not about them, it's just who you are. Since they work or live with you, they may know that you are smarter and deeper and more interesting than you show yourself to be. They may want to know more of you, and try to communicate with you, but are frustrated by the wall you live behind. But that's where you're comfortable, so most of the time both you and they will have to live with their frustrations.


Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

As people who get close to you become accustomed to you and your reserved ways, they likely find you a pleasure to be with. You may not talk much, but you could be witty, a very good listener and a great friend. So long as they can allow you your cautious style, they could open up to you and find you to be someone they can trust as a thoughtful, steady friend. Also, as they learn that your aloofness hides a thoughtful and lively mind and a wealth of experience, they may ask you personal questions about life? of both theirs and yours. At first, of course, this may be uncomfortable for you, and it may never become one of your favorite experiences. But with a few friends that you learn to trust, who learn to trust and care for you, you may come to engage in more lively and animated conversations. In these situations with these certain people, both you and they will learn to be at ease with the fact that you are a very quiet and reserved person.

That describes me to a tee.

I apologize for the long winded reply

I tried online dating, I found it flooded with overweight girls. The few I did msg, were either rude or didnt write back then later on I find multiple accounts for some of them... From what I can tell if you like big girls go for it there are plenty there but if not, its just a scam

Speaking of which... are there any single, witty, adoreable girls on ats with a mind towards theoretical physics?

Promise, I don't look like Tom Baker

This all is a good learning read for me.

I have a Dramatic view of what type of Man Woman are looking for , i used to had some friends who were players and had woman by the busload , just because they did anything to give them attention.

They would ditch them when they were done with " The Product " as they with no doubt saw/see woman.

For me this created this thought that these kind of men are all woman are really looking for , and i never even attempted to date or try to start any relationship , even when woman look at me i automaticly look away , i cant even understand some one would actually like me , there is not a part in my brain that would be able to believe that.

But life still goes on , i know i have nothing to prove in this life , i am who i am , and in my way i am also succesful and have already achieved a lot all by myself.

TheGreazel

reply to post by Wang Tang

How do I message a girl to spark her interest? What do girls want to see on an online profile?

(1) Well first you need to stop acting like you need lessons in how to talk to a female. If you can write a decent paragraph, then you can be interesting to a girl. They're not a different species, after all.

(2) Next, imagine that you are KING of all mating. I mean this in a very PRIMAL sense. Imagine that EVERY woman is yours, they just don't know it yet. (Remember, I didn't say ACT like it, I said imagine it!)

(3) Now take a pic of yourself that looks friendly, inviting, but also tempting and a little dark or dangerous.

(4) Make her laugh with this Gary Busey joke: "There was a woman in Arkansas who was such a bad cook, that a swarm of flies got together and repaired her screen door."

You have to excite a woman on every level.



Are you up for the challenge?

The trick is ... just go to www.adultfriendfinder.com and it will open your eyes to the possibilities. LOL. Lots of very interesting people on there....

reply to post by hisshadow


Why would looking like Tom baker put a woman off?

Quite the opposite for a number of us probably!

Just stop stressing yourself out and be selective
Wow you guys...if some of you think women are 'not bright' or have to choose a specific country she comes from to ensure success...no wonder you have no gf
Just treat the girl like you would want to be treated yourself
Not all of us want to be saved or protected or whatevers
Its not about getting a nice girl but someone who is on the same wavelength as you are
so yeah

reply to post by Impure


lol... I don't think you want me treating you like I want to be treated. That would go badly on many different levels.

I have to agree with Impure so let me give you your first star Stop stressing your self out and find someone on the same wavelength. This advice might help you on a first date but not getting women to respond on a dating site.
You have to get their interest in the first two sentences. Think of something creative and draw them in. If you were selling something what would you say. What works for me is to welcome them. For example"Hello and welcome to my profile. I am starting a new chapter in life so let the dice roll." Just think what would draw you in and have fun with it. Then follow with your interests. Do not talk about money, religion, or politics. Give a story about one of your interest just to keep her entertained. Just look deep in yourself at who you are and remember you are trying to sell yourself to them. Good luck. If that does not work for you there is another way I know that works It is not my style so next time.

I came back from travels keen to meet a lady, i dont have a probem approaching a girl in the streets or work or what ever but, i figured it would be fun to look at this dating site stuff.

normal meet and greet dating right, you walk up to a pretty girl on the street have a few dates, see where it goes.
But in that initial time, your willing to accept or look past things, because you think you like them. Example, interests and hobbies.

2yrs down the track you find all the fun stuff you want to do, they dont. They dont mind you doing it, but you want to do it together. it kinda backfires and your not feeling it right...

Internet dating is like window shopping, find someone with the same interests and see what happens. I had a look, find a girl who likes scuba diving, hiking, photography, travel, movies and wine in a Forrest cabin.. you know, things you can both enjoy together. I found a few girls and went on a couple of 'first round drinks'... but i couldn't get over the fact, we met on a dating site.

Not the desperation side of it, but ,... how do the dynamics work? it seems like a job interview, how many dates until you remove your internet profile? when do you start moving away from x amount of meetings into a blossoming friendship?

In the end it wasn't for me.
as cliche as it is, I say, if you want to meet a girl sign up to things you enjoy.

I signed up to an astronomy group, take our telescopes ot the mountains for a weekend camping trip 3-4 times a year. I joined a mixed basketball team and a mixed netball team.
I go to my work functions, i chat i laugh i move between groups talking to people.
I'm thinking of signing up to a language class, maybe mandarin or japanese, meet someone there.

There's so many single women around who just want a guy with a good heart.

When it comes to women?
If you wear to much makeup and are a slave to fashion and clothe shops... your as fake as Paris Hilton.
If you wear short skirts and revealing clothes... your as boring as a white wall
If you talk about money and cars and tall sexy strong men, your likely to cheat for the next 'best' thing

But if you have flaws, smile and laugh, have hobbies passions and goals.. then hey, id love to buy you a drink!

reply to post by Agit8dChop


Maybe i need to go away for a holiday , alone outside Europa , this would boost my confidence wich towards woman wich i have zero.

Sometimes it feels like i am Missing certain emotions like love etc , or that i just dont belong on this planet , but i love my parents and my sisters , my grandmother and other family members

But the whole Confidence part is just wierd because in everything else i do in life i am very Succesfull , Nothing in life Scares me , from spiders to Armageddon.

Only woman scare the heck out of me for some reason , when i am interacting with woman i might have feelings for i get some sort of panic attack , my face and throat start to feel really wierd , the same feeling your muscles create when you are cold , the shaking feeling , I start to sweat like i have a high fever , even in the gym i dont sweat as much

When i go into this mode i just freeze , and to put it lightly does not really represent my personality.

But since September 2012 i feel like i am at this Crossroad , with 2 options , one is to solve this emotional issue i got , or the second wich is do nothing.

Because now i still have time , i am only 26 , but if i do nothing i know the regret will kill me some day , this process has already started , and when i am with family and to see how happy they are with their kids i sometimes feel sad , knowing i could have that life also.

TheGreazel

reply to post by TheGreazel


Awww Greazel ((( Hug ))) Your still soo young, and I hope you conquer your fear of woman....trust me, we feel just as vulnerable when it comes to men...the difference is we don't have to be the aggressors in meeting men.

Practice makes perfect......I hope the OP won't mind if I go "off topic" here a moment, as my next post will directly talk about my views and experiences with on-line dating, but I wanna tell you a story of a BIG fear I overcame.

I am very good at what I do, and worked for a large co., got promoted, and part of my new job was to give meetings and training sessions to large groups of people...I was TERRIFIED to speak in front of large groups of people, to the point it made me shake in fear, One on one, or in small groups I am generally very confident...anyways, my co. sent me to a public speaking class...and oh boy what a difference it made just to practice doing it...lol...my teacher even gave me the most improved award cause I was so shy at first.

So my advice to you is to make a point to just say "Hello", smile, make small talk with women you come across in your day to day live, at the market, etc., any woman with a heart will respond in a positive way...and it will build your confidence...ask that cute girl at the checkout stand how her day is going....it makes the world a much nicer place....♥

reply to post by MountainLaurel


Thank you. A simple suggestion but one that I often overlook and should definitely take to heart.

Oh Boy...online dating...."Love".....funny subject......♥........sounds like the OP wants to make some new friends and date casually.....and I hope he has fun...it can be fun....I have had some great adventures and met a man I was with for 10 yrs online......he was one of the true Loves of my Life.....I have had 3......lol....first 2 , I met the "old fashioned" way......

I didn't have the internet until I was in my early 30's, I'm in my 40's now...lol...I didn't even want the darn thing, but had to set up a home office for my job...my daughter was 8yr old at the time and her Dad and I divorced..it was a sad time...

So I discover AOL chat rooms...my fav was called "Thinkers"....I thought it was the coolest thing....a group of people all got together and talked about all kind of great subjects...back then if someone wanted to talk to you they would IM you in private...the first time I got one I had no idea how to even respond

It turns out the first guy I ever spoke to on-line was from Canada...and this guy taught me the ropes, lol.....he helped me figure out how to put pictures on-line...and I guess he liked mine........we became friends...and it really was a "trip" how close you could feel to someone you never even met? We decided to write a "love" story together...and everyday we would each write a chapter....very corny...but was romantic...

Well....we did meet...I drove up to the Oregon border, he drove 16 hours down from Canada, and when we met it was like we already knew each other...we had "chemistry"...we had an awesome weekend...I knew the area and took him sight seeing.....but at the end of the day....we live in different countries...I have a child and a busy job...he had his life in Canada...we remained friendly....he went on to find a girl and get married and I went on to meet the man I would spend the next 10 yrs with.

So I guess I will sum this up by saying....after my ex and I broke up....I did join one of the "new" dating sites...put up a pic, and wrote a very heartfelt, "raw" profile....I disliked the whole thing from "jump street"...the meat market.....there is more to life then being "Hot".......I removed the profile the next day.....I wasn't ready to date yet...I had been drinking....but what really made me sad was the overwelming amount of guys that wrote to me that really seemed to have thier hearts in this "game"...I wrote back to them all ....but for me, I could not participate in something that has the potential to "screw" with people's minds and hearts......Love is a mystery I never figured out yet....

reply to post by MountainLaurel


Thank you for your story , it is inspiring

Most of this is Off topic , I plead guilty on these counts

When i was a kid i used to be a really fun and outgoing , i can remember when we had some special day on school , and some comedian would perform , but he was not able to make it so with all the kids already gathered in the school mess hall the teachers didnt know what to do , so they said who wants to perform ??

I jumped up shouting ME ME ME , and for minutes i would put on an act and had the entire room rolling on the floor from laughing while i was just making up funny stuff.

even in high school i was a clown , the difference with back then and now is that back then i did not care about how people might think of me , while now i am constantly rethinking my actions , evaluating my actions etc.

But i do have to implement some changes in how i interact with woman , and change my mindstate , because when i talk with woman i feel like i have them in an interrogation room under questioning , and if i dont feel a good atmosphere in this chit chat i will not be in it with a positive mind state , because it feels like a mexican standoff.

This is also a big problem , i have no idea what kind of questions the right ones would be , even asking questions like : what are your hobbies , or do you own any pets for me feels like a invasion of their privacy.

Again i agree most is off topic , i just wanted to give a proper reply to the people who took the time to adress me.
But some things just need to be told , for me even to be able to talk about it with other people is a big step.

TheGreazel

Good news!

I've got 6 messages back on okcupid from 36 messages sent out, so I'd say that's a decent return. Now the question is if anything will come out of the messages since it is on okcupid after all...

Match.com, not going as well, 8 e-mails sent out 0 returned. Oh well.

reply to post by TheGreazel


One of my friends explained that first message to me this way... you have to "neg" them. You have to discreetly/playfully put them down while doing it in the most non-douchiest way possible.