Descriptive writing practice

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The full moon cast its light on the water below, illuminating the path that led to the ancient city. Bluish green ripples danced on the surface, making the surrounding land mass look dark and angry in comparison.

The sky was full of wonder. Thin smoky clouds covered the moon, drifting lazily off into the night sky and the stars were distinct pin points of light. In the distance, a shooting star traveled the night time sky, leaving a trail of soft white light to mark its path.

Even though I could see the city from where I stood, I had no idea how I would reach it. I could see that from this side there was no way to get in. Water and land conspired against me, joining forces to keep unwanted visitors at bay.

On the wall in the distance, I see a bon fire burning, a trail of black smoke snaking its way up from the center, trying to migrate to a cooler climate.

In the end, I knew I would have to make my way through the jungle. It was going to take another day or two to reach my destination, but the promises of fame and riches would be well worth the time.

I take a moment to assess it, its dark and angry silence daring me to take a step forward, beckoning me inside.
After a moment of hesitation, I gather my courage and with renewed vigor dive into the trees.

News Article clipping: May 15th

Renowned explorer Ican Doit has gone missing on his recent exhibition to the Ikilyu jungle. No one has seen or heard from him since he entered the jungle four months ago looking for the lost city of Nvrgnafndit. It is believed he is deceased.


I am just working on my descriptive writing skills (or on getting some). The main focus is the picture, trying to pull out the elements in it that will help the reader get involved in my stories. Any feedback is appreciated.

Or, if you wanna give it a shot yourself, feel free to do so. Post a picture or use mine and see how much you can pull from it.

Thanks,
Blend57

um....anyone insert a picture for me? I've been trying, but as of yet, unsuccessful...


Thanks,
Blend57

nevermind, got it..

This is a great exercise for any creative writer to do. I've written a few stories and poems based entirely on single photographs/ or pictures. Being a writer is all about seeing the surface, but revealing what lies underneath. One of the poems I'm most proud of writing is based on a picture

reply to post by NarcolepticBuddha


I agree, and it can be fun to see what other writers pull from a picture, gives you a different perspective.

I haven’t created any masterpieces yet off a picture, but would be interested to see your poem and what picture it is based off of. If you still have it saved somewhere…

Thanks for the response, nice to know someone else practices this as well.

Blend57

reply to post by blend57


As much as I would love to share my poem--especially as it pertains to this thread--I already had to badger some of the admins to remove my poetry and literature from ATS.

I'm trying to assemble a book of poetry and get it published, so my days of sharing poetry are behind me.

BUT, the good news is that I will share an image that inspires a poem I am currently working on. I'd love to see what anybody comes up with for this one. (Don't worry, I'm not a thief!)..and the only reason I'm not posting my work is because most publishers want exclusive rights to the poems (meaning they won't publish if it's posted on ATS.)

Have fun with this one!

reply to post by blend57


WOW!!!!!! That is exactly the kind of writing I look for when buying a book! I would love o hear more of this story!

If I may, I would like to use your picture and take liberty at what you wrote. From my point of view, and may I say, (writers never condemn each other but compliment and improve upon each other), may I say that when writing, any story or plot should sound as true to life as possible. With that in mind I'd like to take a crack at it. And, by the way, what you wrote was done bad in any way. So here goes my effort. Excuse any misspellings.


Ican Doit, the self admired explorer descended the cliffs of Jarebosi and into the bowels of the jungle below. Hardly any sane person take such a risk, but then, Ican Doit wasn't just anybody, he was an explorer. The newspaper article told of his many prior exploits such as the one where he tried to cross the Sahara desert with only an umbrella and a makeshift moisture collector that he invented himself. The article said he was listed as missing and had been for about four months now. It was anybody's guess where he is now or ended up. He did mention something about a lost city called Nvrgnafndit that he claimed was built by ancient aliens related somehow to the Annunaki.

Ican had pushed his way along the water's edge trying to keep away from the small Zippo lizards so named for the sound they made whenever they attacked. They weren't harmful, just a pain in the ass to keep shaking off your legs as you walked. The moonlight above bristled on the ripples of water below. For a brief moment he took it in. The gentle warm moist breeze of the jingle behind him felt soothing and yet it's smell spoke of the constant life and death struggle for survival, predator and prey scenarios that were played out on a constant daily basis. "Why was I doing this ?" I kept asking myself as I followed the footprints made in the mud that belonged to Ican.

Several days had passed since entering the jungle. Sunlight seemed but a memory in a place where there was only a dim twilight and the sense of danger everywhere. And then there it was gleaming in the moonlight as the jungle seemed to fear and stop it's encroachment upon what seemed like sacred ground. High up on the wall a fire much like a bon fire held for hundreds, ablaze, and the sound of drumming could be heard in the distance. " I'm a fool ! " I told myself, " What am I doing ? These people would probably kill me or worse once they saw me. I should have turned around when I passed the river's edge, but no, I just kept going, like any foolish wanderer would."

Ironically, there were stairs leading up the side of the city wall that had to be at least two hundred feet high. In my heart I told myself I was nuts. gonzo, ring a ding dingy, and then I started the climb which took a full two hours to do, but I finally made it to the top. The bon fire raged, but where were all the people ? I asked myself.
A small voice called to me from the darkness behind the fire. " Tojay, is that you you dumb nut ? " I walked over and to my surprize it was Ican, sitting there on the ground next to the walls edge drinking a bottle of beer. I rubbed my eyes like a man in a daze, " Ican, I heard people. " Ican laughed, " You heard this, " he said pointing over at a megaphone attached to a portable disk player. I laughed with delight as he tossed me a beer and I opened it and sat down beside him. " So, my good friend, how do we get back cause I lost my way. " Ican took a sip of beer and smiled, " That's just it Tojay, you can't go back, only up. " My eyes wrinkled with confusion and wonder at the same time, " Up ? What do you mean up ? " Ican gave his bottle a backhand toss over the edge of the wall and wiped his beard with the back of his hand. The bottle never made any sound below. " My friend, this is a spaceport, an exit facility to that star up there. " I looked up to see Orion looking down at us. " Come on man, how do we get us back to the town ?" Ican stood up, " Time to go man ! " I stood up with him as the ground began to shake. Suddenly a feeble glow began to eminate from our bodies, from what who knew, but it grew in intensity. There was a high pitch schrill and then the sky above began to open up and a pulling sensation took hold of us.

The news article told about a couple of explorers who tried to find the rumored lost city of Nvrgnafndit. Steven descended the cliffs of Jarebosi to the edge of the jungle below. The moonlight bristled heavily upon the ripples of water of the great lake Zumbi casting light shadows all around. He kept close to the river's edge as he walked to avoid the zippo lizards, nasty little pests that clung to your pantlegs like children on an ice cream truck. Steven disappeared into the jungle night never to be seen or heard from again.

The animal lays cold and lifeless, the contents of its body thrown out onto the earth.

You could tell it had been there for a few days, the leaves falling off the trees were slowly trying to cover the beast, but it would take a good month or two before the hideous carcass would be gone.

There were signs of a human presence here as well, food and drinking containers left in haste as they continued to migrate north, trying to meet up with the other members of their hunting clan.

Its feet showed signs of its last days; a mixture of dry and wet earth covered them as though it had just been a live moments before. And huge gouges and scars of times long past marked its great journey though life, bearing witness to the hardships it had to endure from day to day.

As the smell of death caught in their nose, other animals swiftly moved through the area, blurred in haste, they ran onto safer spots further up the road.

I lingered for a few moments deep in thought, wondering why something that had so much more to give would be taken from this world.


Thats what I came up with. Probably could be much more in depth, but, there it is...

Thanks for the challenge,
Blend57

The gentle warm moist breeze of the jingle behind him felt soothing and yet it's smell spoke of the constant life and death struggle for survival, predator and prey scenarios that were played out on a constant daily basis.

reply to post by Fromabove


I really liked this descriptive sentence, as i read it, I thought that it was exactly how I pictured the jungle to be.

And this one:

Sunlight seemed but a memory in a place where there was only a dim twilight and the sense of danger everywhere.

Nice use of descriptive words, I liked it.

And no worries, I won't use any of these in my own stories, just helps me to see things from a different perspective. Gets the creative thoughts flowing through my head...



Thanks for the response and the story,
Blend57

reply to post by blend57


Thanks Blend57, you have it in you to just let it all unfold. I have always found that the best way to tell a story is to tell it as it happens. Be the person. I have a novel I just finished where I had to be 16 different people, allow for eight scenarios to climax and meld into a climatic ending that left the readers on the cliff for the squeal.

I've also discovered in writing that you need to do what I describe as the 3 people scene, like this.

Jason walked down the empty road in silence. The constant pain of the blistering sun on his back made him long for a simple cold glass of water. " Why was he doing this," he often asked himself, going down this same road every day, day after day, is if someone, anyone might suddenly appear. Since the great disappearance he had been the only one left alive. No warnings at all, not even an emergency broadcast. They just arrived one night and sucked everybody away. Jason would be alone without another human voice to break the silence. He rubbed his sun burnt neck and rounded the corner to the gun shop. " Would he do it today ? " he asked himself, " perhaps, or maybe tomorrow. But soon, he thought, soon. yes, very soon." A loud bang echoed off of the surrounding buildings as he entered the gun shop and the doors closed behind him.


See how using the 3 people method help describe the story in detail, being with the person, being the person, and talking about the person. Works every time, especially when you have to knit the characters in the story together with different scenes. This is only one of several methods I use. But also remember, you're not actually writing the story, you're telling the story by writing down what you see, hear, and experience as it unfolds for you.

reply to post by Fromabove

I have always found that the best way to tell a story is to tell it as it happens. Be the person.

That is the best way I feel as well.

Thanks for the response and for the tips. Any thoughts/ideas are appreciated.

Thanks,
Blend57