Much love to you all.
I've never found a forum, or anywhere, where so many people have gone through (and were experiencing) the things I have and am currently so I'd
thought I'd share my experiences.
I'm a 19 year old male, raised a Christian in a Christian family and a Neo-charismatic church environment in the UK. I always believed in God,
accepting the spirit as a child, however I found many things about church cringy and off putting, such as the worship music and other things. Whenever
I prayed I never got any feedback, never heard a voice reply, it was pretty frustrating. But I thought I had to take it on faith so despite the doubt
I carried on believing, the loving environment benefiting me and Jesus' teachings of love sticking with me.
From around age 15 I started to make a lot of mistakes as a grew up, mainly in a certain area that was (and still is) a weakness of mine. The first
year of college (high school) in particular was a particular bad year for me. I would cry and ask God to forgive me and beg him to help me become
better and to learn from my mistakes, and nothing changed. In my last year of college onwards (I guess you could say all this started after 2012) I
started to really take on board Jesus' main teaching of love, to love others as you would love yourself.
After college I took a gap year before university. A close friend and I would smoke weed (not in excess) and have deep conversations and this
developed our thinking. One day my friend had a bad trip taking too much of an experimental tripper. Trying as best as they could to explain it, they
tried to describe how they had an OBE, went through dimensions, went through what some call ego death, until they reached the source of everything
which was just energy. Just pure energy, infinite in everything. So we talked about this and I came to realise it made sense when applied to God, it
was just a different perspective. My perspective of God changed from that of an old man with white hair and beard, to an infinite, all loving of pure
energy, being beyond our understanding.
One day I realised that when I hear a certain song, see a scene on TV or in a film, or if i simply wanted to be happy I'd get this weird, warm
tingling in my head and throughout my body. At first I thought it was just chemicals and nerves but on that day I realised I could turn it on and off
at will when I thought of it as just energy, vibrations as if I was connected to the entire universe by this energy. I later realised I was connecting
with God, crazy as it sounds. I could pray and feel like I was connecting with God, getting feedback.
A little later I came across a quote by Terrence McKenna.
"Half the time you think you're thinking, you're actually listening."
So this got me thinking about your conscience and the holy spirit (which I accepted as a child when I asked for it and so my parents prayed for
Not long later I tried '___' for the first time (sensibly after careful research). It was like I could see the vibrations and energy in nature. Plant
leaves would literally be vibrating before my eyes, like on a frequency I couldn't see before. Near the end of the trip I was sat in a park watching
the sun rise, all I could see was blue sky and pink clouds and it was beautiful.
It was then in my open, slightly sleep deprived state that I made the connection and then God just came to me. Like the voice in my head, my
conscience, was God all along. I got waves and waves of this tingling energy throughout my mind and body as God spoke to me and told me how much he
loved me and that I would never be alone. I thought I was going crazy, it must be the sleep deprivation or the '___', but it felt so real (and hasn't
left or diminished since). If I was going crazy I didn't want to be sane. I argued what if it's just my own voice in my own head, so the voice
counter argued that if it was just me then I still loved me and had (in the months before) revealed truths and epiphanies to myself and always tried
to keep me on the right track, and if it was God then the same was also true... so I may as well accept the crazy and 'just go with it'. And so I
Since then many more truths and epiphanies have been revealed to me. I feel a lot more at peace, my understanding of the universe, of life, of society
and people has increased tenfold and continues to.
At my core is the fundamental truth which is love. God is love, love is the ultimate truth, God is truth. Our consciousness comes from God, from the
infinite vibration and energy perforating throughout us, everything, the entire universe. A cup of ocean water is still of the ocean, as one being put
I used to be angry at how bad things happened to good people and vice versa, how God could allow such suffering. But concepts such as free will (how
(for whatever reason) we wanted or were given our 'independence' from God in this physical world) helped me understand. God doesn't interfere
because it would take away our independence, our ability to choose. To have a world in which we can have a 'choice' it needs to be a random one,
explaining the unpredictable, random and (at times) seemingly cruel nature of the world. As I read and researched, concepts such as quantum mechanics
and the second law of thermodynamics seemed to back this up.
Other mantras include:
- Nothing worthwhile ever came easy.
- Choose to do what is right over what is easy.
- "I could be wrong." and "A-ha!"
- You won't know until you know, so until you do... don't worry.
- Everything in moderation. Find the balance.
- Everyone has the right to choose. You cannot enforce an attitude change, they have to come to it themselves.
- No service is greater or lesser than the other.
I believe believe our species evolved over billions of years until our brain was developed enough to hold our consciousness, and ever since then, as
you can read in various religious texts, there has been this force trying to ensure our survival and development, without taking away our
Kings and leaders were installed to instal order in the chaos, for survival.
States and land ownership to help with societal development for our survival and then growth.
A two parent partnership as the optimal environment for supporting each other and for raising children, for survival.
Without the constant guidance of the source energy/God/whatever you wish to call it, our species has taken a while to evolve and develop on it's own.
With all the death and hate and fear and all evil along the way stemming from a lack or absence of love.
One day I was looking into a fish tank and God revealed an epiphany to me that those creatures have the same 'life force' in them as we do. At the
dawn of our species yes we needed to eat them and animals for the protein, fats, nutrients to enable us to grow and survive, but now we've evolved to
a point where we can get all the fats, proteins and nutrients we need from other sources. Before this day I thought I could never, ever be a
vegetarian and now starting September I will be. This is my own choice of course and I would never force anyone else to make it or judge them
These are though just my personal beliefs and experiences.
And, of course, I could be wrong
I apologise for the length of this post! It's just nice being able to share with people who might understand.
Keep at it, change is a coming.
Much love and God bless.