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My Pane

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posted on Feb, 28 2013 @ 08:46 AM
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I've been mulling over whether or not to share this, so # it I'll just take the plunge. Mods: If this is inappropriate or in the incorrect forum I understand it being moved or re-moved (har).

My Pane

Moonlight yields to rising dawn,
Looking out across the lawn,
Randomly you view a pane,
Just as soon, you choose again...

Unknown traits in this or that,
Holds your gaze where it's at,
Yet my pane awaits, so seldom viewed...
Is my surface warped?
Or is it skewed?

I'm yearning just to please your eyes,
To show you clouds up in the skies,
Reflect your smile upon my face,
I long to be your favorite place...

And I will always hope and pray,
There never comes a time or day,
I somehow misdirect a ray,
And falling shards get swept away.





posted on Feb, 28 2013 @ 02:33 PM
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Glad you decided to share. I enjoyed reading it.



posted on Feb, 28 2013 @ 02:42 PM
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Nice work. I have to admit, when I saw the thread title, I thought you must have misspelled pain. I was planning to send a nicely worded correction via a pm. Glad I read the poem first!



posted on Feb, 28 2013 @ 04:01 PM
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I must admit, I thought there was a spelling mistake to. That was good, I also enjoyed reading it



posted on Mar, 4 2013 @ 08:31 AM
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Originally posted by KyrieEleison
I've been mulling over whether or not to share this, so # it I'll just take the plunge. Mods: If this is inappropriate or in the incorrect forum I understand it being moved or re-moved (har).

My Pane

Moonlight yields to rising dawn,
Looking out across the lawn,
Randomly you view a pane,
Just as soon, you choose again...

Unknown traits in this or that,
Holds your gaze where it's at,
Yet my pane awaits, so seldom viewed...
Is my surface warped?
Or is it skewed?

I'm yearning just to please your eyes,
To show you clouds up in the skies,
Reflect your smile upon my face,
I long to be your favorite place...

And I will always hope and pray,
There never comes a time or day,
I somehow misdirect a ray,
And falling shards get swept away.

Ummm......If I may...

Moonlight, yields to rising dawn
Gazing, there, across the lawn
Random, as you view a pane
Glancing out, you choose again

Unknown traits, in this, in that
Holds your gaze, holds where it's at
My pane awaits, so seldom viewed
Is my surface warped, or skewed

Yearning, just to please your eyes
To show you clouds, unveil the skies
Reflect your smile upon my face
I long to be, your favorite place

Always hope and always pray
That time will never come, this day
As tears refract, lights able shine
And fall as shards of the devine

I made a few adjustments, not to detract from anything you had created but rather to fulfill the vision that your wonderful words instilled...I want to also thank you for this scene that you wove...Please take no offence as none was meant........All of the changes that I made were there already within the context of your poem. I only wished to share what that vision that you created, caused in me...to bring that hidden essence forth...I also gift to you these slight changes and claim nothing besides the moment and the reciprocity of that initial sharing...

YouSir



posted on Mar, 4 2013 @ 09:44 AM
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reply to post by YouSir
 


No offense taken - thank you for giving it a read and sharing how it made you feel.


While I try to maintain some semblance of rhyme and meter, sometimes I feel like it can be an unnecessary hindrance.

Often my scribblings are more like an aimless meandering in a meadow, letting it take the reader where it may, whereas strict adherence to form over content can make it feel more like a predictable, deliberate, marching lockstep.

Again, thanks so much for sharing and for your contribution! I'm glad that it was able to move you in a positive way.





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