I find it sad that you have to go through such horrible things. You need find yourself again, as well as try and find a way to still your thoughts, silence your mind(mediatation or prayer), after all they are your thoughts.
The "unmotivating" tactic is to lower you spiritual energy, which has been clear in your post about feeling sluggish or like an elderly, as well as your losing faith in God. With a lower energy level you become more submissive to them.
A good place, in my opinion, to find some sort of relief, would be at a temple, shrine or church. Spiritual energy is usually stronger in these places. I prefer a temple or shrine, but for you perhaps a church, in reference to God. You may find it easier to take control of your thoughts there.
A question though, can you think of anyone that you really pissed off? From reading your post the actions seem to be of Wicca/Voodoo origin. If that is the case I believe they would recommend, correct me if I'm wrong you carrying some sage or a crystal in your pocket.
Just do not lose faith, especially in yourself, you are stronger than they are believe it or not. They need you because to them you are a platform. You must deny them that platform to carry out such grotesque actions. It is yours and yours only. Take control of your thoughts and most of all your life. You must find yourself.
Please, if you ever feel the need to do something stupid to yourself or another person, please go to a hospital or some place where you could get direct help immediately.
You are stronger than them.
edit on 4-3-2013 by EL1A5 because: (no reason given)