Seeds of Desolation in the Desert [LOWWC]

page: 1
4

log in

join

posted on Feb, 26 2013 @ 02:37 AM
link   
Seeds of Desolation in the Desert
________________________________

He glanced nervously at the rear view mirror, then sideways at the open bag full of cash in the front seat next to him. “Damn!” he barked through gritted teeth, pounding the steering wheel with his fist as he pinned the accelerator to the floor. The engine grumbled in objection. Of all the times to blow a head gasket, why now?

The headlights in the mirror were gradually getting closer as the roaring machines pummeled the desert highway like wild boars in a rampage. He figured he had about 3 minutes, give or take a few ticks, until the thundering V8 beast in pursuit was upon him. He knew this because he built that car with his own hands, drove it like it was an extension of himself, until he retired it to the storage shed. How ironic, being chased down by his old getaway car. He sneered at the limping speedometer and the reek of burning motor oil in his now-crippled replacement.

Preparing for the impending midnight dance, he grabbed the .44 magnum off the dash and checked to see how many rounds were left. For a moment he thought that maybe this was going to be the end, that it would serve him right for all the money he’d stolen over the years. It wasn’t like he had been driven to a life of crime, he had chosen it. He preferred it to the other “normal” 9 to 5 livelihoods of modern society, the shallow graves of the debt slaves.

His parents had always taught him that stealing was wrong, a reprehensible sin of selfishness. But thievery came so naturally to him that he often wondered if he was adopted, or maybe just a bad seed. He clenched the stock of the revolver tightly, remembering back to the first time his father caught him stealing. The pile of comic books and candy had cost him dearly, the precedent for many beatings. In the wake of the punishments, as he whimpered in agony, his mother would gently dab at the lacerations on his back, often saying “Son, the only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child.”

A gunshot snapped him back to reality, followed by another that shattered the rear _ He began swerving back and forth evasively like a madman trying to shirk the devil. The headlights and familiar growl of that engine were nearly upon him. Bang! Bang! More shots, this time at the tires. The revving demon slammed his rear bumper in vengeance; he knew the next shot would not miss. Gripping the wheel with one hand, he abruptly jammed on the brakes and swung the revolver out the window just as they came along side one another.

Boom! The magnum found its mark as the front tire shredded, spitting hot rubber into the cool night air. His desert stalker careened off the highway, rolling several times before coming to a fuming halt in the darkness.

He spun the wheel around and cautiously approached. As he crept up to the wreckage, he flipped on the high beams to see the tattered driver crawling from the twisted mass of metal and glass. He shut off the engine and grabbed the gun. As the dust swirled in the glare of the headlights, he advanced until he loomed over his wounded opponent, hair matted with blood, crooked legs dragging in the rocky soil. As the middle-aged woman looked up at him, he slowly raised the barrel and pulled back the hammer.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I needed the money.” Yeah, he was a bad seed. “Here’s one last kiss.”

A single shot rang out in the desolation of the desert night.




posted on Feb, 26 2013 @ 03:00 AM
link   
reply to post by InTheFlesh1980
 


That was a good story...just kinda made my heart sink at the end.

Thank you for sharing. Are you a writer?

I see your sig..is that a story by you as well?

Peace and love
-nat the curious cat-

I'm just gonna add real quick... I pushed the link in your sig to your other story. I am reading it now.
edit on 26-2-2013 by natalia because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 26 2013 @ 03:10 AM
link   

Originally posted by natalia
reply to post by InTheFlesh1980
 


That was a good story...just kinda made my heart sink at the end.

Thank you for sharing. Are you a writer?

I see your sig..is that a story by you as well?

Peace and love
-nat the curious cat-


Thanks for reading! I'm not really a writer. There's a writing contest going on right now, so I thought I'd give it a try.

The link currently in my signature was my first submission to the contest from last week. It was a bit long and perhaps too much to cram into a short story. In any event, it hasn't fared well in the competition so I thought I'd write something shorter.

Yes, upon reflection the ending does seem a bit... harsh.



posted on Feb, 26 2013 @ 03:41 AM
link   
reply to post by InTheFlesh1980
 


Even though it may seem harsh...it paints a better picture of who and how this guy is as a person.

I read your other story as well. You write very well friend.

A lot of emotions and details.


Peace and love
-nat the night owl-



posted on Feb, 26 2013 @ 05:02 AM
link   
Really good work! The ending is what I liked the most. Because is is a great twist and shows great imagination.
Very descriptive and unique.

Thanks,
Blend57



posted on Feb, 26 2013 @ 08:14 AM
link   
reply to post by InTheFlesh1980
 


NOOOOOO! It's not too harsh it bordering perfect. S & F again!

Another fantastic submission with only two words I could see that might be better if they were altered. I'm only being nitpicky because your standards are so that it seems to warrant a mention.

"...like wild boars in a rampage." Wouldn't it be 'on' a rampage?
"... remembering back to the first time his father..." 'Back to' is surplus to requirements no?

You successfully surprised me too with this one! Hooray for that!

I also did a double take with the mothers stealing a kiss comment. Some of the more dense readers might take it wrongly.

It seems you are right about the shorter stories fairing better, which kind of surprises me considering the title of the contest is "Lots of Words Writing Contest".

I've entered again also and would really appreciate your critical eye if you get the chance, seeing as in my opinion you're the best writer there is on ATS.

www.abovetopsecret.com...#
edit on 26-2-2013 by merkins because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 27 2013 @ 07:21 AM
link   
Been thinking about this overnight and I feel there is a similarity in tone with the film "chained (2012)". Won't say anymore because of spoilers, but I think it's the best serial killer movie in a very long time.

www.imdb.co.uk...

It's still on youtube (since at least October) in its entirety in one video at dvd quality with the correct name, easy to find if you know how to use search filters.
edit on 27-2-2013 by merkins because: Edit to remove very long link url



posted on Feb, 27 2013 @ 08:10 AM
link   
This story was exciting! I found it really great you opened the story with a chase scene...I think that automatically made me want to read more and find out what happened next. The ending was so unexpected, I had to go back and reread it twice, just to make sure I caught it right....that isn't a bad thing, that it a good thing, I was stunned and shocked but I think it worked great that way. Excellent story





new topics
 
4

log in

join