The Waiting Game: Do You Feel It?

I wrote a much longer "first draft" but after proof reading it I realized that I was really telling strangers, on ATS no less, wayyyyyy too much personal info, and feelings. I obviously dumped that version, but I forgot to keep another thing that seems we all have in common..

I too have felt my entire life that I was going to live until the end of this world. I was going to die along with the rest or live through the "global event" No vision, no anything.....but I think this also can be explained by psychology.
....for me I thought maybe I was just being selfish and couldn't understand how the world could go on without me. That id thing might play some role in that. Maybe every kid feels that way at some point but most kids are not introspective. I would guess most of you here are. Introverted and introspective and intelligent and empathetic.

so yes, me too, with the since I was a kid thing....my parents can vouch for the veracity of this since I stated it so many times over my life.....but it never went any further than thinking, feeling, be sure, that I was going to be alive when life on Earth was at is peak and have a front row seat when it crashed and burned.

Here is a question I have for all of you, How many have an additive personality??
I don't mean just drugs, booze or even work, but just with things in general.

My Profile to a tee!!!

INTP: The Architect
INTPs are philosophical innovators, fascinated by logical analysis, systems, and design. They are preoccupied with theory, and search for the universal law behind everything they see. They want to understand the workings of the universe, in all their complexity.

INTPs are detached, analytical observers who can seem oblivious to the world around them because they are so deeply absorbed in thought. They spend much of their time focused internally: exploring concepts, making connections, and seeking understanding. To the Architect, life is an ongoing inquiry into the mysteries of the world around them.

The INTP is typically non-traditional, and more likely to reason out their own unconventional way of doing things than to follow the crowd. INTPs are merciless about analyzing ideas and beliefs, and hold little sacred. They are often baffled by other people who remain loyal to beliefs that don't make logical sense.

INTPs present a cool exterior but are passionate about reason, analysis, and innovation. They seek to create complex systems of understanding to unify the principles they've observed in their environments. Their minds are complicated and active, and they will go to great mental lengths trying to devise ingenious solutions to interesting problems.

Read more: www.truity.com...

reply to post by MamaJ


I hope we are moving into a new shift of awareness. 4th dimension ideology appeals to me to.
We just might be moving into a new vibrational level. It would explain all the "strangeness", people experience.

I don't know why, but your post sort of reminds me of an "The Outer Limits" episode, that had to do with sound and a new skin developing in people who heard this sound. In the end, the change protected them from our sun and massive amounts of solar flairs and radiation hitting the earth.

Peace,
Cirque

Originally posted by Jeremiah65
reply to post by Logos23

 

Don't feel alone on the thought of wondering if you are just a dreamer. I have wondered that myself. Has my hope and imagination created this? I have also wondered if maybe I missed something I was supposed to do...some chore or task I was meant to carry out and didn't.

Oh well...I sure don't know the answer. That's why I read and research a lot...trying to either find the missing link or if nothing else, fill the time. Maybe one day I'll stumble across "It" and know it for what it is...maybe I won't. I will keep gathering knowledge until the time comes I need it or I die...

Missed your post earlier sorry.....

Maybe that's why quite a few of us spend time on here?.....

Originally posted by Logos23
reply to post by thedoctorswife

 

I posted my last reply at a similar time to yours so missed it.....It's pretty good to know we are not alone yeah?

We should form a unfake "fake grown-up" club

Yep, that was pretty cool the way you me and riggy came at the same time to defend our position. Just goes to show how much we believe in it.

Sorry that "pretty cool" bit was a bit down with the kidz, the sort of thing that embaress my kids, but im leaving it in anyway.

Originally posted by smyleegrl
Hello, ATS.

All my life I've had this feeling of.....waiting. For what? I do not know. I only know that it feels as if something's out there, and I'm at the mercy of its timeline.

I wish I could describe this waiting sensation better, but I don't know that I can.

So I go through my daily routine, waiting for this....something.....and all the while life passes by.

Is it a distraction? Or is my lifestyle distracting me from discovering what I'm waiting for?

I'm 38 years old, I feel like I'm 18, and yet my life is halfway over in all likelihood. And the waiting continues, on and on.

Do you feel it? Have you discovered what you're waiting for? Or, like me, do you still wait?

Any and all replies welcomed.

You are meant to wait.

"You" signed up for a specific method of how you play the game.

In the early years, playing the game was brutal..due to the lack of awareness.

We may offer a tip:

Research what it is you think you would be waiting for.

What event would be worth witnessing to such an extent that you would sign up to never know about it, but always feel that it was on it's way?

Dig deep within the self, to know thy self..each and every breathe your MBSC takes in has a meaning to it.

21 last year, hah!

I feel immensely anxious about something, not doom and gloom really.

Think about it, as much as our bid for 'civilized' being has messed us up, do you really think this madness is going to last forever? These ages are the paramount of a several thousand year rebellion against the natural order. 'Humanity' has literally brought hell up to earth. A very interesting time regardless; I consider myself lucky. In the next few hundred years this cacophony of tragic conquest will be silenced. Time will subdue. I can hope for a mankind void of humanity, but in it's rightful place a shared love and empathy for all.

reply to post by rigel4


Exactly! It's not midde age blues -- I was like this at 7, 11, 21 and every year! Actually, I tried really hard to "fit in" and climb the ladder and graduate college and buy the house, put away in a 401k -- I still feel the way I did as a child.

Originally posted by thedoctorswife

Originally posted by Logos23
reply to post by thedoctorswife

 

I posted my last reply at a similar time to yours so missed it.....It's pretty good to know we are not alone yeah?

We should form a unfake "fake grown-up" club

Yep, that was pretty cool the way you me and riggy came at the same time to defend our position. Just goes to show how much we believe in it.

Sorry that "pretty cool" bit was a bit down with the kidz, the sort of thing that embaress my kids, but im leaving it in anyway.

edit on 24-2-2013 by thedoctorswife because: sad middle aged ramblings.

Well the kid's aren't here so you will be spared the lecture and causing embarrassment ....beside's I thought it was cool too lol

The first time I took the briggs Meyer I was 17 and I got INFP. Over the years I have retaken it quite a few times, always with the same result. I'd say it is pretty accurate for me.

I have always been shy, but once you get to know me I am very open and fun. When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time alone and it allowed me a lot of time to think, to imagine and to explore the area around me, so I developed a strong bond with nature, but not necessarily people. I always felt like I was on the outside, looking in. I made one or two close friends, but never was a social butterfly, and grew to enjoy my solitude, it gave me the chance to read, write and think, and obivously I never outgrew this...hence my ats membership.

As an adult I never quite lost that childhood innocence, despite dealing with all the demands of adulthood, and it only made it harder for me to relate to people my own age, who seemed to have lost the spark or passion in life. I'd be happy in the woods hiking, or in a old van on a road trip or in a library, and even when I am in a large group, I still have that feeling of separateness. When I was younger other kids misunderstood and thought I was stuck up but it wasnt that at all, it was just an inability to relate to them.

I am Oneg, and I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it or not, but I think that being here on ats has helped me connect to so many others similar to me, and it is such a relief to read through this thread and know that I am not alone in these sort of feelings, thanks to everyone who posted so far, and thanks to smylee for making the OP.

Originally posted by Galadriel
reply to post by rigel4

 

Exactly! It's not midde age blues -- I was like this at 7, 11, 21 and every year! Actually, I tried really hard to "fit in" and climb the ladder and graduate college and buy the house, put away in a 401k -- I still feel the way I did as a child.

Me too. Many people go through life and stop once in a while to reflect on where they have been so those different stages and ages are different people to them.....I would suspect that some of us reflect and "look in" at ourselves almost on a regular basis. So, to us, we are the same people we ever were. (just my theory)

But then again, I play computer games, Xbox 360, and have an upstairs and downstairs PS3...I play 5 days a week when a new RPG comes out. I haven't had a 40hr a week job since 2004. I cashed in my 401k and wimpy retirement account in 2006. So I think I can safely say that I still am the same person that I was as a child, or at least I certainly think the same way now as I did as a kid. I live to play! Love! Learn! Watch complete tv series on Netflix! Just finished West Wing, awesome show.......what was I talking about?

reply to post by smyleegrl


Your random selection of topics actually suggests what you are looking for, I think. Enough so that I wonder if it might explain some of this feeling, even.

There is a clear picture of looking back into history in those topics, to me...but not just history, but prehistory, and i think maybe it's a two-fold clue about this waiting. One, I'm going to venture that most people on this thread, if asked, would be skeptical of the world being entirely what it is presented to us as, in some manner--there are clear hints that it is not in the three topics you chose to mention. Two, I think maybe it is more pronounced in a certain age spectrum because many of us witnessed the shift from a more faith based society to a more secular one. When you have faith, the answers don't matter that much, because God becomes the answer for most...but when you have faith with reason, or reason alone, the anomalies that stick out in protest of what we are told our world is...they scream very loudly. (Unless, of course, you have replaced faith in a deity with faith in science, or government, or whatever. But you aren't likely to be here if you're in that demographic.)

What do I think most here are waiting for? Truth. The more knowledge grows, the more thoughts and perspectives spread rapidly and freely, the more truth becomes inevitable. And, of course, the more those with something to hide grasp for control and power and censorship. But even so, I think the scale has tipped too far to hold things back much longer. Anyone paying attention at all knows that the world is never what it seems on the surface, and I think maybe we aren't all waiting for the same truths, but deep down we know that there IS something more, that it cannot be hidden forever, and that it will change our worlds immensely when it arrives..

reply to post by Res Ipsa


I like that perspective, too. Hadn't really thought of the inevitable nature of doom, I suppose. lol I'm not certain it's really so inevitable, though. Change always happens, and our immediate worlds are always threatened in every day, if not by anything so grand as the global scale events. But I would say that technology is on the brink of another explosion, one that might change the very nature of being human. There is that. lol

reply to post by Res Ipsa


I can relate with the video game's...and I am a huge fan of RPG's...we have a downstairs and upstairs xbox in my house. My fave game of all time is Final Fantasy VII hence my avatar

reply to post by smyleegrl


Am doing from phone so please forgive errors. I have been looking at this site for years and joined this eve because of this post. This restless "something" that is hard to describe is within me as well. I have asked others and they feel it as well. I am a psychologist and work by Stan Grof is the closest I can get for a psychological explantion (someone mentioned explaining it psychologically). Unless all of us had traumatic births and/or upbringings it is unlikely it can explain this for everyone here. Of course - more research would be necessary to rule this out - the state of society, oppression increasing, history repeating itself, etc. In the meantime - It is a strong feeling inside of me that I cannot shake. What do all of us have in common? Is it identifiable what that commonality is? I am all about "explaining" the unexplainable with a rational mind but ancient and collective consciousness cannot be explained with that same rationality - it just "is". Are we sensing something that only the few get a true glimpse at (prophets). I believe we are. I suppose it can be counted as a blessing even if it feels confussing at times. Ive been having tons of coincidences and syncronicities occuring. They are happening more frequently than ever before (or I am paying attention more). Is anyone else noticing this? Thank you for starting this conversation. I have needed to connect to others in same boat as me for a long time.

Originally posted by saturnine_sweet
reply to post by Res Ipsa

 

I like that perspective, too. Hadn't really thought of the inevitable nature of doom, I suppose. lol I'm not certain it's really so inevitable, though. Change always happens, and our immediate worlds are always threatened in every day, if not by anything so grand as the global scale events. But I would say that technology is on the brink of another explosion, one that might change the very nature of being human. There is that. lol

I would describe my idea of inevitable doom like this.....we have a cup floating in a tub of water, and we add a lead pellet each time there is some "crisis" like Pearl Harbor, 9/11, Cuban Missile crisis...etc...and we even add a pellet for those crisis' we don't even hear or know about....We all know that when we add enough pellets the cup is going to sink....Here on ATS there is always someone, or someones, that think the next pellet is the one....even when they have absolutely no idea of how big the cup is in the first place....an asteroid the size of Texas would probably be the last pellet for most of us....ok...so to make this metaphor work maybe I should say that some pellets are bigger than others.....so where I am at is that I have felt my entire life, since I was able to think about stuff, that I was going to be alive when the last pellet was added....
I imagine I spend a lot of time on ATS, Youtube, Drudge, MSNBC, etc...trying to see if I can guess how big the cup is and how much space is remaining....but it is a lot of work since everyone is yelling that they know the next pellet is going to sink the cup. I have developed a mental list of those on ATS that can save me a lot of time though...Phage is one of course, he has saved me a ton of time when he posts on the first page of a 12 page thread.
.........anyway.......we don't know how big the cup is.......but I think several people on this thread have indicated that they have a vague idea or sense about how many pellets have been dropped into it.

reply to post by Dianec


Welcome to ATS! Interesting that this is the thread that prompted your joining. I think it has touched a hidden cord in many. I think it's the relief in sharing in a thread and on a forum where others chime in and share. Your background and thoughts will add welcome insight into this and future threads.

I know not what it is.....I just know that it is....

I have always felt it too.

Whatever it is??

reply to post by Dianec


"Ive been having tons of coincidences and syncronicities occuring. They are happening more frequently than ever before (or I am paying attention more). Is anyone else noticing this?"

ABSOLUTELY! The past few days it has been about electricity....starting with the EU theory of the cosmos, plasma, brains, sun, cars,.........One on Youtube, one on some show like Numb3rs, NPR had a thing on electric cars, some article on Reuters or some other online news paper about brains but all of them in the last 24 hrs and had to do with electricity and I consider it synchronicity because I wasn't looking for this information but couldn't avoid the topic and of course after a couple you can chalk it up to a heighten awareness just like when you buy a new car and then notice a ton of other people with the same car. There is other stuff too.

So what I am really noticing is that I have recently begun grouping things unconsciously so not sure how much is self fulfilling or just happening. But yes for sure I am really noticing tons of coincidences and synchronicity...a little freaky that you mention it, I'm pretty unflappable normally.

This sensation of "waiting" is one I suspect in my case stems from a profound longing for meaning and profundity. Something wondrous, special, and true, which could prove beyond all doubt that life has meaning, and that so too, our deaths have a purpose which endures beyond life.

When I was little, my parents raised me to be religious. Most religions (and cults, or you may consider them the same if you like) are in some way apocalyptic, either literally or metaphorically. The anticipation of the coming of a messianic figure. The anticipation of the coming of the "end of the world," where all ills will be put right. The anticipation of some sort of cosmic event of great importance. The anticipation of an afterlife where suffering ends. Or even the anticipation of the freeing of oneself from the ego and the attaining of enlightenment, where no such concerns or dualities complicate the unperturbed waters of being. So there was always the anticipation of "something" in "the future." Something I would live to see. And like most (probably all in some respect) children, I also believed in magic of innumerable sorts.

When I was a bit older and many of those beliefs were dispelled by doubt, there was still a sense of anticipation. I believed in extraterrestrial visitation. At least that was something wondrous and beyond the normal bounds of our accepted, mundane reality that could happen. And I believed it was, fully, without reservation. I realize now that I needed to. But regardless, I believed harder and stronger than anyone ever has, by my estimation. I would spend countless summer nights sitting by the window, staring into the heavens, willing something to appear. To communicate to me in some way, shape, or form. A family member of mine even had an experience - and I had my own - that we could never quite explain away fully.

But, after many years of delving into the subject and discovering myriad alternative explanations for such phenomena, explanations far more readily substantiated than the more fantastical alternative, that belief too was dispelled. I became quite skeptical in my approach to reality and this led to greater and greater doubt in all things. It was clear (and remains clear) that "something" was happening, at least as far as UFOs go, but what that was was far from certain (and still is by my standards.)

Beneath all of this doubt and skepticism however, there was still a "sense" of spirituality. Whether out of something real and inherent to my being, or arising out of the aforementioned need, I will never know with certainty. (That kind of agnosticism is now a hallmark of my worldview, because I now doubt everything.) But nevertheless, as an adolescent I forged my own brand of spirituality, a hodgepodge of (unconscious at the time) Christian remnants from my childhood, and the much more attractive and in my mind just, neo-pagan movement. With a dash of Buddhism. The emphasis was on unconditional love. (I think most teenagers go through a phase like this, or something analogous at least, in their attempt to discover themselves.)

Perhaps due to the aforementioned (at the time unconscious) Christian remnants kicking around my mind, this involved the pursuit of numerous (literally hundreds) apocalyptic and "end of the world" prophecies. You know. The kind we see on ATS all the time. They readily served that need for a sense of anticipation. That was, after all, exactly what they were all about. But, of course, as they never do, not a one of them bore fruit. All of that was up to about the age of 17 or 18.

Ultimately, various life experiences defied assumptions and deeply held beliefs however, and gradually, over time, I began to doubt everything, including those last vestiges of faith. Which is not a bad thing but a good thing in my opinion. It forced me to be TRULY open minded. I thought I already was, but the truth is that like many "believers," I was actually CLOSED minded to the most important possibility of all: that I could be wrong, and the skeptics could be right.

At the age of 31 years, I can say without shame or discomfort that I became, in time, an agnostic skeptic. As I learned more and more about the universe and its functioning (and about the mind and cognitive dissonance,) I began to realize that it was quite possible that in fact my life had no meaning or purpose, and that, perhaps, there really was nothing waiting for me after death.

That said, the one component of my beliefs I never abandoned was the unconditional love aspect. I reasoned that, even if it's just interactions in the various organs of the brain, love, whatever it is, is still a part of my nature and gives me happiness. (And hopefully gives others happiness as well.) So I adhere to it still, since it's possible happiness for ourselves and others in this life is all we have.

So... yes. I suspect I will always feel the longing pull of "waiting." I just no longer know if it means anything or not.

Peace.